


Tattoo Your Name On My Heart

by DestielHardcoreLove, Swlfangirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Guy Castiel, Car Accidents, Domestic Fluff, F/F, F/M, Fem Benny, Fem Castiel - Freeform, Fem Dean, Genderswap, Good bro Charlie, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, NaNoWriMo, Slow Burn, Slutty Benny, Smut, Tattoo Artist Benny, Writer Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:15:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 50,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23202331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielHardcoreLove/pseuds/DestielHardcoreLove, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swlfangirl/pseuds/Swlfangirl
Summary: Beni smiled up at her girlfriend and squeezed at her calf once she was settled, “So, I was thinking that around the checkmark I would do some like...clouds of watercolor.  You know give it a little color,” she rambled, moving to lift up the bottom of the shorts. Deanna didn’t answer her and everything seemed to go to a standstill when Beni saw what was already there on her girlfriend’s leg.Will You Marry Me?YesNo
Relationships: Amara/Benny Lafitte, Amara/Cain (Supernatural), Benny Lafitte/Dean Winchester, Benny/Billie, Pamela Barnes/Benny Lafitte, Past Dean/Castiel
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	Tattoo Your Name On My Heart

* * *

Deanna growled in frustration as she scrolled further and further down the page. How could she have let it get this bad? Resorting to  _ tumblr _ of all places for her inspiration. It was just...she’d  _ tried _ , okay? But nothing was happening. She’d get one or two good paragraphs and then it would just vanish. She’d tried to brainstorm, in all the typical ways but her characters felt stale and what little plot she could pull together was more holes than story.

_ “GAH! _ ” she said, pushing her laptop out of the way before reaching for the now, stale coffee. 

“Charlie, another!” she called out over her shoulder hoping her best friend would take pity on her and dump the full glass and refill it again. 

Charlie quirked up a brow as she looked at her best friend from her kitchen. Deanna was killing herself over her writing, which wasn’t unusual, and for whatever reason, thought she’d get more peace here at Charlie’s apartment. Rolling her eyes she walked into the living room and grabbed up Deanna’s mug, “You know, you  _ could _ ask me nicely. Like a civilized person. I get more manners from the jerks at the cafe,” she teased.

“You are an angel and I’m sorry, I-this is just...it’s so damn frustrating,” Deanna said, making grabby hands for the mug. Once she’d taken her sip she turned to her friend with a frown and whispered, “I’m on  _ tumblr _ Charlie,  _ tumblr _ .” 

“Why in the hell...I mean okay yeah there are some good ideas on there but...okay if you would just tell me what you’re stuck on and stop hoarding the damn story maybe I can help you!” Charlie said flailing her hands a bit. 

“I would  _ share _ with you  _ iffff _ there actually  _ was _ a story,” Deanna lied, though she knew Charlie would see straight through it. Though the part about not having a story, that was very much true. “Okay, I wouldn’t, I’d hoard it like I do all the others but there’s nothing Charls, NOTHING. I’ve tried three different times and each time the characters are bland and the dialogue makes me cringe.”

Deanna backed away from her laptop and took a deep breath. “Maybe it’s just asking too much...after everything else. Maybe I just don’t have it anymore.” 

Charlie instantly softened and quickly moved to sit down next to her, “Hey, don’t talk like that. I know you loved her and thought she was the one but Cassidy was a bitch. She never deserved you and you definitely have  _ not _ lost it. You just have to find you muse again,” she said. The mere thought of Deanna’s ex always rose the hackles on Charlie’s neck. She’d been sweet, caring and invested in Deanna at the time but after six months of probably the most serious relationship Deanna ever had, Cassidy got flighty and more often than not, jealous. She hated the friendship Charlie and Deanna shared even if both of them tried to explain that even the thought of that made them both sick. They were sisters by choice and that’s how it was meant to be. 

Then the story changed and Cassidy started to say she hated how much time Deanna spent locked away writing. Charlie had nearly lost her shit when Deanna actually put the laptop away and confessed to Charlie that she hadn’t written in weeks if not months. 

Writing was Deanna’s  _ life _ . Charlie could easily remember from the time they started being friends (back in middle school) to know that there was always some kind of notebook and pen within reach of Deanna. They would be in the middle of a conversation and Deanna would stop, write something down and then continue as if nothing ever happened. So for her to stop like that, just for a skirt made Charlie’s head spin.

Then to top it all off, Cassidy broke up with her. Over some silly spat where Deanna had finally had enough of the jealousy and whatever trivial shit Cassidy got upset over. 

To say Charlie hated Cassidy was an understatement. She never wanted to see her best friend like that, ever again. Especially now when she would start questioning her magnificent writing skills.

“I don’t know, Charls,” Deanna swallowed. “It’s just not the same anymore. I’m not getting ideas, I’m not... _ creating _ . I can take someone else’s idea and half an hour later I’ve got two paragraphs but it’s all reproduced bullshit, not a single original thought has been typed out in months…” 

Charlie bit her lip, “Maybe...maybe try joining a writers group or something? I’ve heard that they help with writer’s block,” she said.

“Hell, I’m desperate enough to do anything right now,” Deanna said, a sigh escaping her lips as she leaned her head back against the soft-backed couch in Charlie’s apartment. “At this rate, by the end of next month, I’m gonna have to get a day job to keep myself afloat. Livin’ the dream, that’s for sure,” she added, shaking her head at herself. She’d made decent money when one of her series’ became popular but that had ended, not happily, and the fans were livid. Dee Smith was about to be pushed into a new career. 

* * *

  
  


“Well that was enlightening,” Deanna whispered to herself, sighing as she dropped into the front seat of the Impala. It had been a good idea, like most of Charlie’s ideas, but her heart just wasn’t in it and she didn’t have the same takeaway the others managed to come out with. 

_ Writers Group _ ...what had her life become. 

She was ready to pull out when a flashing neon light drew her attention away. 

_ Byen Venu Tattoo _

It was time, right?...God knows Charlie would kill her if she realized what she’d done but it was time to let go. Cas-Cas wasn’t coming back and Deanna needed to move on. 

This was the first step, yeah...she could do this. 

There was a small ding over the door as she stepped in, looking around at the art on the wall. It was some of the darkest yet beautiful things she’d ever seen. It pulled her in and she found herself mesmerized by even the most simple pieces, a flower here or a skull there. Most of those tattoos were meant to be basic but even the smallest ones were outlined and created with detail that made her inner artist cow with jealousy. 

“Be right there cherie!” Beni called out, washing her hands. She’d heard the ding while cleaning up. From the cameras it was someone she’d never seen before and didn’t want the new customer to see the paint all over her hands. Though some, including her ex-girlfriend now best friend told her it looked “sexy”. Rolling her eyes at the memory she stepped back out into the main room and smiled, “Hey, welcome.”

“Hi, I uh, I know you’re probably really busy but I was hoping to schedule an appointment or something, I’ve got-I have something I need to cover,” Deanna said, chewing on her lip as she continued to flip through the book that was laid out on the counter. 

“No problem. I don’t have someone until later, we can go over designs and then I can get you in after or tomorrow,” she said stepping up next to the girl. 

‘Oh, okay..I’ll be honest, I don’t know much about the process. I was kind of um...not sober last time,” she admitted, “Don’t worry, it might not have been the most  _ reputable _ establishment, but thankfully nothing went wrong I just..I’ve changed my mind and I don’t want to see it there every day.” 

“Umm, do you..do you need to see it?” She asked, feeling nervous for the first time in a long time. Hell, it was the first time she felt  _ anything _ in a long time. 

“If you don’t mind cher,” Beni said, smiling softly when sad green eyes looked up at her. She was striking but Beni was more focused on helping this girl heal more than anything else.

“Unless it makes you feel uncomfortable right now. You can tell me where it is and describe it...then I can see what I can come up for ya,” she said.

“No its...its okay,” she said, internally scolding herself. Never in her life had Deanna been  _ shy _ , especially not where her body was concerned but then  _ Cas _ happened and now she was a broken fucking mess. But she guessed that was the point, she needed to heal and she couldn’t do that with her brand still scrawled across her chest. She forced down a hard swallow and asked, “In here or...back there?”

Even though there was no one else but them in the shop Beni could clearly see the nerves wafting off the girl. She tilted her head for her to follow and headed to one of the tables where Beni could pull the curtain closed, “This okay?” she asked.’

“Yeah, it’s fine...just my-it’s fine,” Deanna said, stirpping off her overshirt and dropping it on the table. Her hands were a little shaky but she didn’t think it was noticeable as she pulled down the neck of her tank to expose the top of her left breast.

Beni grimaced when she saw the overly girly writing on the girl’s chest, “Okay, that should be pretty easy to cover up. Do you have anything in mind or should I draw something and see if you like it?” she asked.

“I don’t...I don’t have any preferences but nothing-I don’t want it to be  _ like this _ , I-I didn’t pick this…” she said, feeling like she needed to be honest in that moment. The last thing she wanted was to come back in here and have there be some sort of floral pattern waiting for her. “Anything else is fine though, I’m not-, I’m not really picky I just want it gone.” 

Beni smiled softly and gently touched the girl’s arm, “Don’t worry. By the time I’m done you’re not gonna remember what was there to begin with,” she said, “Why don’t you have a seat on the stool while I sketch,” she said pointing to a pretty beat up stool.

“Okay,” she said, chewing at her lip. “Do you have um, could I borrow a pencil and a notepad...just for a few minutes?” Deanna asked. 

“Yeah, sure. One sec cher,” she said and got up. She found one with only a handful of the papers missing and a new pen in the front desk that she brought back over, “Hey so what’s your name? I’m Beni,” she said sitting down in her chair. There was already a clean sheet on the table and she brushed her tattooed fingers over it, an image already popping in her head of what she wanted to put on the girl to cover the ugly script.

“Oh, Deanna...but most of my friends call my Dee, I prefer it actually,” she admitted, though Cassidy had always insisted on using her  _ formal _ name, whatever the fuck that was about. She put the pen to paper and was surprised when it actually started moving, the ink flooding over the page quicker than anything she’d typed up recently. 

_ Getting rid of her should have been harder, should have hurt more...but the truth was that I had forgotten how to be under her spell the moment she stepped out of my life. Why had it taken me so long to notice, to care? Maybe I just didn’t want to admit to myself that I was alone again, maybe I didn’t want to admit to anyone just how lonely it felt to be me.  _

“Alright then Dee,” Beni smiled, shaking her head a little when her newest customer became completely engrossed in her writing. It reminded her of herself when she got into those moments. She had her artwork for the shop and then she had her actual paintings that she got completely lost in. Hell, she even had a room specifically for those moments or when she was alone in the shop like she was tonight. 

She let Deanna sit there writing while she began to sketch out the tattoo, the quiet was a comfort not stifling like it could have easily been. In fact, Beni usually was self-conscious around customers but with this one, she didn’t feel that. 

After about twenty minutes or so Beni sat up with a hum, “Dee?” she called out softly, not wanting to shock the girl back to reality.

‘Hmm,” she said, half mumbling, not looking up from the notebook until she felt the small touch against her wrist. She glanced up to see the artist looking back at her with a soft smile and she felt heat warm her face in embarrassment. “Sorry...I-I haven’t done that in a while actually. I haven’t- nevermind, so what did you need?” 

“Hey, no need to apologize darlin, I know exactly how it is,” Beni laughed softly, “Would you like to see it or would you rather have it be a surprise?” she asked.

“Not that I don’t trust you, a complete stranger, to put needles in me without seeing the design but… maybe you should show me, just to be safe,” Deanna said, smiling as she came back to herself, her  _ real _ self. 

It felt good. 

Beni chuckled, nodding her head a bit. She grabbed up the paper and handed it to her, “It’s black and white right now but I was gonna do it in a watercolor rainbow spectrum,” she described. The design itself was rarely known, only those of the occult nature ever got them but for some reason, it seemed perfect for Deanna. The star surrounded in flames represented protection from those wishing the person harm.

“That looks...wow, that looks kinda badass,” Deanna admitted, though she couldn’t place the symbol it felt oddly familiar. “Yeah...that sounds great, Beni. I-that sounds great,” she said again, trying not to choke on the overwhelming emotions that were bubbling up in her chest.

Deanna turned her head and folded the notebook over, “You said you had time um later?” 

“Mmmhmm,” Beni hummed putting the paper back on her table, “You know, if you don’t got anything better to do, you can hang out here. The couch is pretty damn comfortable and I’m here all by myself,” she laughed. It was easy to see the tightness in Deanna’s eyes when she had first arrived but after only twenty minutes of being engrossed in whatever it was she was writing, her entire being seemed to have relaxed. Beni knew just how bad it could get when the inspiration wouldn’t come and if her shop could give just a little bit of that back to Deanna, she was willing to give up her couch for the day.

‘I uh, I might take you up on that but I’m gonna go grab a coffee and maybe umm something to eat, I could bring you something back..if you’re hungry?” Deanna asked, her stomach rumbling for effect, it made her chuckle at how ridiculous she was being. Something about the tattoo parlor had her feeling better, more comfortable in her own skin. It hadn’t been immediate but when it came it was as steady as the thumping beat of her heart. 

“Nah...wait, what time is it,” Beni laughed, glancing at the clock on the wall, “Oh damn...yeah if you wouldn't mind cher? I haven't eaten since this morning,” she said shaking her head, “Just straight black coffee and whatever their biggest chocolate thing they got. Let me get you some money,” she said.

“No worries, I’ll get it when I get back,” Deanna lied, as she sat the notebook down on the stool where she’d been sitting and made her way toward the front of the shop. It might be a few minutes away but she knew exactly where she was going. 

So she wouldn’t have to wait, Deanna sent a text out before turning Baby’s engine over. 

_ Two burgers with everything, and just give me a full takeaway container of sides. Be there in 10 >Dee _

_ Oh, and thanks in advance>Dee _

_ Two? Do I need to do some interrogating here? >>Ellen _

_ No, just a friend...actually not even that yet, but we’ll talk. >Dee _

She pulled out of the parking lot and sped toward the familiar bar, looking forward to the place for the first time in a while. She used to hate the things they’d say about Cas, both while Cas was there and while she wasn’t. Then after everything went down, they got too smug, then too quiet, and Deanna was just sick and tired of being tip-toed around so she stopped showing up for a bit. Ellen wouldn’t let that sit for too long and eventually they’d reached a comfortable medium but they still had their noses further into her life than she liked, but it wasn’t the end of the world. 

Nearly ten minutes later,  _ exactly _ , Deanna stepped into the Roadhouse and grinned. 

Ellen narrowed her eyes a bit but found her own smile creeping up on her face. She hadn’t seen that trademark grin on her girl’s face in what seemed like forever. Ellen had practically raised her, her and her little sister Samantha. No matter what anyone said, those girls were kids just as much as Jo and Ash were. And to see that ever present grin turn to into a grimace, even disappearing entirely angered Ellen something fierce.

“Hey girl. Ash is almost done. What you up to today?” she asked pulling Deanna in for a hug.

“Same as always, trying and failing at writing,” Deanna said, though it wasn’t entirely truthful. What she was writing wasn’t a novel so it didn’t really count, did it? She was just trying to get it all out, to put what was left of the relationship in her head, into words, so she could burn it out, along with the tattoo. “I’m just dropping in for a minute, El...I’ll come back tomorrow though, promise. And I’ll even sit at the bar and eat so you can start your twenty questions.” 

“Mmhmm, you better,” Ellen smiled, giving Deanna’s shoulder a squeeze. Ash poked his head out to call out Deanna’s order, handing it over with a flourish of his hands. Ellen rolled her eyes at her kids before getting back to her office.

“Thanks, handsome. I owe you one!” Deanna teased before grabbing the bag and making a run for it, as quickly as she could without drawing attention anyway. The last thing she wanted was Ellen coming back for questions.

She got in her car and was about to head back to the tattoo parlor when she remembered coffee and chocolate. Those two together? Always equaled Charlie. 

The cafe was thankfully just down the road from the parlor. Deanna was pretty sure she could get in and get out before it got too cold, at least she hoped so.

She stepped up to the counter and gave her best friend a cheesy smile. “Two black coffees as tall as you can make them and a whole chocolate pie please.”

Charlie gave her friend a puzzled look but nodded all the same. She got the coffee going and got the pie into a to-go container, “I know you love your pie but usually you don’t go for the chocolate, you feelin alright there Dee?” Charlie teased.

“Sharing with a friend, sorta...just give me the pie please,” she said with fond exasperation. 

“A friend? You have a new friend? Are you replacing me Winchester?” Charlie asked with a mock sadness. She got lids on the coffees and handed them over.

“Never, besides...we both know there’s more than enough of me to go around,” she grinned, wiggling her eyebrows before quickly turning and making her exit, this time a little more careful with the steaming hot coffee. 

She maneuvered to the car easily enough, she would have walked but by the time she got everything out to where she could carry it, it probably would have been cold. Thankfully the pie came in a sturdy box and she could stack the coffees on top long enough kick at the door and ring the bell for Beni. 

Beni wiped down the girl’s arm she was tattooing when she heard someone tapping at the door. She was confused for all of three seconds before she remembered, “One sec,” she said and quickly ran over to open the door for Deanna, “Oh wow, smells amazing whatever you got,” she laughed.

“You ever had roadhouse burgers? Cause if not, prepare to have your mind blown,” Deanna said, smiling as she set the food down on the counter to grab the paper cups. “But first, coffee.”

“Oh God, thank you,” Beni groaned taking up the coffee and taking a sip. The bitterness and caffeine sent shocks down her veins and she let her head fall back, “That’s better. To answer your question, I have not had their burgers. Usually, stick with their chili, that stuff is amazing,” she said putting her cup down on the table, “Let me get the blocking done and then I’ll come back and join you,” she said pointing over at her customer in the chair. 

“You do your thing, I’ll just be here, enjoying this massive burger and all these sides,” she teased quietly, “And don’t even get me started on what’s in the box!” 

‘You’re killin me cher,” Beni laughed shaking her head but went back to her customer. She quickly got back in the zone, not stopping until the entire thing was outlined and ready for color. Thankfully though the customer needed a break which included a cigarette.

“Go ahead and have lunch with your girlfriend,” she said with a wave.

“Nah, she ain’t my girl. Just met today,” Beni said with a shrug.

“Oh...so...you’re single?” she asked. Beni smirked, gave the girl a wink and then headed over to where Deanna was sitting on the couch.

“You leave me anythin?” Beni asked.

“Of course,” she answered, putting what was left of her burger down on the table as her stomach twisted up. She wasn’t really sure what brought it on but there was an unwelcome tenseness inside her. Deanna took a deep breath and pointed toward the foil wrapped package along with the takeout container full-well  _ half _ full of sides. She could not resist Ash’s signature nacho cheddar fries. 

Beni took up the burger and unwrapped it, her mouth-watering instantly, “Oh damn, this smells amazing.” She took a big bite and groaned, reaching out for some of the fries to shove into her mouth as well. The food was amazing and by the time she was done she probably gained about ten pounds. It was well worth it. She was just about to get up when the box Deanna had mentioned earlier caught her eye, “Is that what I think it is?” she asked with a wide grin.

“If you think it’s the best chocolate pie in the city,” Deanna smirked, pulling out the two forks she’d grabbed on her way out of the cafe. “Well then you’d be right.” 

“Oooh, darlin you’re too good to me,” Beni teased sinking back down on the couch. She took up one of the forks and placed the pie box on her leg so they could eat straight out of it, “I’ve been told I’m a bit of a neanderthal,” she laughed with a shrug.

“If you think that’s gonna stop me, you’re not very observant,” Deanna replied, jabbing her fork into the middle of the pie where Beni had started eating. “You’re gonna have to share the pie, I don’t care how pretty you are.” 

Beni snickered even though there was a slight blush on her cheeks, “I don’t mind,” she said scooting closer so they both had easy access to the desert. It was cut short for Beni though when her customer came back in from smoking what smelled like an entire pack of cigarettes. Beni grimaced but got up to finish the tattoo.

Deanna took another few bites of the pie, though it didn’t taste quite as good now that she was alone again. She swallowed and smiled toward the back, not that Beni could see her but she really liked the fact that the woman had put her so at ease, had...given her something she hadn’t had in months. 

She sat the box down on the counter, cleaned up the takeaway trash, and then looked around the shop. It wasn’t until then that she remembered the notebook Beni had given her. She stepped toward the back room to grab it when she stopped in her tracks. 

Beni was in the zone, the drone of her customer’s voice barely even registering in her ears as the woman continued to talk. For whatever reason, she was awfully talkative now, telling Beni about her life and whatnot. Beni heard a few words here and there, the fact that she was single and looking for a relationship that flew right over Beni’s head. Relationships were good and all but Beni was not wanting to get into one at the moment unless someone happened to walk by her that really struck that chord inside then maybe she’d reconsider. 

“That’s nice,” Beni said only to hear a bright laugh following after.

“You didn’t hear a word I said, did you?” she asked.

“I’m sorry ma’am but no, trying to focus here,” Beni said with a pointed look.

“Andrea...my name is Andrea,” she said with a touch of annoyance. Beni nodded and quickly got back to work. She tried to not offend her customers but sometimes, it couldn’t be helped. Beni had a feeling this Andrea lady had been trying to come onto her and Beni found that if she played aloof or stupid to it, they tended to leave her alone pretty quickly.

“Don’t mind me, I’m just gonna grab the notebook,” Deanna said, smiling softly toward Beni as she stepped into the room and her big blue eyes snapped toward her. The smell of stale smoke in the room was choking and Deanna had tried to hold her breath but when she got closer to the woman it became harder and harder to resist the cough that bubbled up in her throat. 

She cleared it out as quietly as she could before pointing toward the window. “Do you mind if I open this? It’s uh, a little stuffy in here…” 

“Yeah, go ahead cher,” Beni said, giving her a smile in a silent thank you. Andrea huffed out an annoyed breath but Beni ignored it, wanting to get this tattoo over and done with so she could shower off the smoke smell. She smoked cloves herself but at least those smelled a little better than those damn death sticks. 

“There we go,” she said, reaching over the back chair to lift the window up. It wasn’t until she turned around that she realized both women were staring. “What?” 

Beni gave Deanna a grin, shrugging her shoulders, “Nothin, thanks for openin that,” she said as her eyes trailed down to stare at Deanna’s ass again.

Andrea bristled a bit that she was caught staring too but it dwindled into jealousy as Beni  _ kept _ staring, even after getting caught doing so. 

“Yeah, no problem,” she said, wiggling around a bit as the window was giving her a little push back,-”Ahhh, that’s it, there we go.” 

She smacked her hands together and turned over in the chair. “That breeze feels good, huh? I love this time of year.” 

Beni bit her lip and nodded, “Mmhmm, same,” she said and quickly turned towards Andrea. This time it took her a bit to get her head back into her work. Thankfully she was almost done. There was a buzzing in her pocket from her phone and now she was eager to look at it. Anything to get away from this woman in her chair. 

Deanna’s voice was soothing whereas Andrea’s was grating. The two women talked with each other but Beni wasn’t paying too much attention. It was in the middle of a sentence that Beni sat back and sighed, “There, finished. Here, take a look,” she said and held up the mirror for Andrea to get a look at her new piece. While she did that Beni eagerly stood up and stretched her back. 

“Oh my God Beni this is amazing!” Andrea cried. Beni smiled at her before turning to give Deanna a wink, “I’m gonna step out back for a second, meet you up front,” she said to Andrea. As she made her way to the back door she pulled out her phone to find several missed messages from not only her ex/best friend Pamela but there were quite a few from her other best friend Amara as well. Grinning to herself she opened the ones from Amara first.

_ I’m bored...text me > Amara _

_ Ugh you must be busy >Amara _

_ I think I mistook bored for horny >Amara _

_ Wish you were here, fuck that tongue of yours is everything >Amara _

_ I’m going to keep going, you just come over when you have time...today..now..or soon at least. >Amara _

_ Sorry sweetheart, had a real chatty customer. Pretty damn sure she’s been trying to get me to go home with her lol > Beni _

_ Have one more customer and then I’ll be closin up. You gonna be on that big ol’ bed of yours waiting with that delicious pussy? Gettin a little thirsty here darlin > Beni _

Beni snorted out a laugh. She and Amara had a very...open friendship to say in the least. They’d had a one night stand that turned into a very loyal, endearing friendship where they fucked in between relationships. They tried for all of two seconds to be more than friends with benefits but it would never work between them.

_ You’re always thirsty, not that I’m complaining but I’ll try to hold some back for you >Amara _

_ Not making any promises though >Amara _

“I uh, I got rid of Andrea for you...don’t worry she paid,” Deanna said, poking her head out the back door handing over a fistful of cash. “I’m pretty sure her number was in the tip but it got lost on my way back here, imagine that..” Deanna teased, giving Beni a small smile.

Beni gawked at Deanna before her head tilted back with a loud laugh, “Oh...you’re awesome. Thank you, she was getting…” Beni blew out a breath and laughed again, accepting the cash from Deanna’s hand.

“I’ll be there in just a sec,” Beni said, quickly replying to Amara.

_ No matter how many times you get yourself off it won’t compare to how I can get you off girl, don’t even try to deny that. Be there soon. > Beni _

“Alright, let’s get this started,” Beni smiled following Deanna back into the shop.

“I wasn’t trying to rush you...just looked like you might be a little relieved to know that Andrea was cut loose,” Deanna chuckled. “She’s pretty shameless but I can grab that number out of the trash can, where it belongs if that’s your thing.”

“Definitely not. I only like my women pushy in the bedroom and she wasn’t getting anywhere near there,” she laughed shaking her head. As Deanna sat down in the chair, Beni moved to the front of the shop to flip the sign to closed. Deanna would be her last customer and she didn’t want to be interrupted.

“You ready cher?” She asked coming back over.

“Yeah, do your thing,” she said, feeling a lot calmer about the whole plan. She wasn’t sure if it was more about the design, or the place, or Beni even but something there made it easier to breathe, easier to remove the traces and impact Cas had on her life all those months ago without regret. “Just don’t get handsy,” Deanna teased, not that she thought Beni would be anything less than professional. 

“I make no promises cher,” Beni teased back with an easy smile. Thankfully Deanna’s shirt was a button up and didn’t have to remove the entire thing for Beni to get at the mess of a tattoo on her chest. She gently touched at it with her fingertips, eyeing her design in her mind before starting. It was quiet between them, Deanna’s calm breathing keeping Beni’s mind on task. 

Soon the word Cassidy turned into a beautiful array of watercolor, the protection symbol a beautiful contrast to Deanna’s tanned skin. She gave the patch of skin a gentle wipe of her towel and smiled to herself.

“Take a look,” she said softly, holding out the mirror.

“Wow,” Deanna said, almost unable to believe her eyes. It was unlike anything she’d ever seen and there was no recognizable trace of the previous ink. “This-,” Deanna started, her emotions getting the better of her when she realized that it really was the last trace of Cassidy in her life. She’d taken most of her things, Charlie had insisted on a bonfire to burn what was left, except this, this one little secret she’d kept and now, it was gone too. 

“Thank you,” she whispered, not wanting to speak too loudly to give away the quiver in her voice. “It’s perfect.” 

Beni was torn. She wanted to give Deanna a bone-crushing hug but she didn’t want to push. The break up between Deanna and this Cassidy chick had to have been a bad one. One of the main reasons why Beni always denied tattoos of names unless they were your momma or a kid.

“You’re very welcome darlin,” Beni said reaching out to squeeze Deanna’s fingers instead.

Deanna gave Beni a small smile as she got to her feet and grabbed her green army bag. She tried to casually wipe at her eyes a bit but she figured that didn’t go unnoticed. Still, she cleared her throat. “Okay, how much do I owe you?” 

Beni opened her mouth to tell her the price but shook her head, “On the house cher. You bought me lunch and shared that pie with me. I’m good. Oh and not to mention you took care of that Andrea chick for me,” she laughed.

“Oh no, no Beni… lunch didn’t even really cost me anything, I know the owner..I can’t take this for free, not this, here…” Deanna said, handing over a stack of bills that she wasn’t quite sure what they added up to but there was a hundred tucked in the middle so it should cover the cost and leave a generous tip, God knows Beni deserved it. “You gave me back something that I thought was gone forever and you got rid of something that I thought- you got rid of something I needed rid of. I’d empty out my damn bank account for you right now, just take this...Thank you Beni..thanks.” 

Deanna awkwardly pulled Beni in for a hug, not even caring that it was probably too soon, not to mention she was literally a customer now. 

Beni hugged the girl back, taking in a deep breath of the fresh citrus scent she caught from Deanna’s hair. She’d seen the hundred tucked in the stack. Without Deanna knowing, she’d plucked it out and while they were pulling away, managed to tuck into the girls back pocket.

“No need to thank me cher. And...you know, you can always come and hang out if you need to. That couch gets awfully lonely,” she said, smiling a little bashfully. 

“I’ll be back, promise,” Deanna grinned, slowly backing her way out of the parlor, accidentally knocking into the counter on her way. It wasn’t until she got into her baby that she realized she left the pie behind. 

“Dammit,” she said, though she really wasn’t  _ that _ upset about it. Let Beni have that one. 

Beni smiled as the door clicked shut. She pulled out her phone and barked out a laugh at the whiney messages from Amara. Damn that girl was in a  _ mood _ .

_ Calm your tits woman, I’m heading over there now > Beni _

* * *

  
  


Beni barely stepped into her best friend's apartment when she was literally tackled against the door. She managed to drop her backpack and leather jacket on the floor so she could wrap her arms around Amara and pick her up. 

“Well hello there, missed you too sweetheart,” she laughed carrying her down the hall to the bedroom where she dropped Amara on the bed. Her best friend was wearing one of her favorite things, a short skirt and damn near nothing else. Made Beni’s work all that much easier. Licking her lips she dropped to her knees and instantly pushed the skirt up to start sucking at her thighs. 

“Mmm, fuck yes...been waiting for that all day,” 

Amara groaned, the feeling of Beni’s sharp teeth and velvet tongue on her was unlike anything she’d ever found before. Though they both had quite a bit of baggage and were awful together beyond their current arrangement, she couldn’t help but search for someone that could make her feel this damn good and that probably wasn’t fair. They’d had years of open and honest communication to perfect their techniques and now the sex was so amazing that it was pretty damn hard to match.

She jerked at the short spikes of Beni’s hair, urging her to get on with it. “No, you’ve kept me waiting long enough.” 

Benny laughed and sucked especially hard on a thicker part of Amara’s thigh, loving the way the girl arched her back off the bed, “Now that ain’t fair, you know I gotta work. You know I’d rather spend my time eating you out all day long,” she grinned. Moving in closer she flicked her tongue at Amara’s lips, catching that sweet taste of her that always sent a shudder down her spine.

“How many times you get yourself off?” Beni asked in between teasing licks.

“Not as many as you could have,” Amara groaned, rolling her hips a bit to entice Beni in further. “C’mon, I’ll let you take your time next time,” Amara lied, tightening her fist around the short hairs clamped inside it. 

“Liar,” Benny sneered grabbing at Amaras wrist that was gripping at her hair, gently pushing it onto the bed. 

“Love it when you're this eager,” she said giving her lips a sharp nip before sucking hard on them.

“You get off on keeping me waiting, don’t you…” Amara groaned, the pleasure Beni was giving her was nice but it wasn’t enough she craved to have that tongue buried inside her and those long, calloused fingers trapping her legs apart. “Fuck, just admit it Beni, you’re a sadist.” 

Beni lapped at her wet lips and groaned, “For you sweetheart I am,” she said. She finally gave in and spread Amara open, flicking her tongue against Amara's clit wildly as the fingers of her free hand began to circle her hole.

“Fuck, yes...that’s it, just get in there already, I-I need it,” Amara begged. She didn’t often like to make herself vulnerable but Beni was always the exception to the rule when it came to things like that. Her thighs began to quiver a bit as Beni slid her thumb inside, it was thick and it felt nice but again, it still wasn’t enough. 

She needed that damn tongue. 

“Fuck, eat me already Beni, I wanna cum for you baby, make me cum for you.” 

“Since you asked so sweetly,” Beni teased, dragging her now wet thumb across Amara's clit. She waited for that buck of her hips to dive forward, plunging her tongue deep into that quivering hole. There was a grunt and soon Beni was practically drinking Amara in while the moans rang out in the room. She threw Amara's legs over her shoulders and became relentless. 

“Fuck, yes, yes, Beni-” Amara called out, louder and louder as the pleasure slammed into her and rushed out in long awaited waves. She gripped as tightly as she could onto Benny’s short hair with one hand and twisted the sheets with her other hand as multiple orgasms flooded through her. 

Beni drank everything Amara gave her and even then some dripped down her chin to her chest. She pulled away from Amara's twitching body and licked her lips, “Mmm, feel better now?” she asked with a feral grin. As per usual Beni couldn't stop touching Amara's all too tempting body. From her thick thighs to her slim waist…and don't even get her started on those glorious tits. Beni growled low in her throat as she crawled up to claim Amara's mouth. 

“Fuck that’s hot,” Amara groaned, tasting herself on Beni’s lips. They stayed like that, sharing her taste and moaning between their parted lips, for a while. Until she was finally able to come back to herself a bit. “Tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you as soon as my legs work again.”

Beni laughed softly, her hips rolling forward. The seam in her pants catching at Amara’s clit perfectly. Beni didn't care that her pants were more than likely getting ruined, she had plenty of others.

“Hmmmm, well….I don’t know...throw some ideas out for me cher,” she grinned, continuing to rut against Amara. She widened Amara's legs a bit more and bit her lip at the moan that followed.

“Well you could fuck me,” Amara grunted, Beni knew exactly how to have her begging for mercy and it wasn’t far off. She’d just come down from her orgasmic high but she was prepared to take another trip quickly if the girl were to put on a silicone cock. “Or… I could fuck you. I know you like to save it for special occasions but I could make it real special for you,  _ if you wanted _ .” 

Beni licked her lips and hummed again. Her fingers danced along tanned skin before dipping into Amara's heat, “Both sound very tempting. But you know me, I get more pleasure making cum again and again...and again,” she said thrusting her fingers against Amara's gspot with each emphasis of the word  _ again. _

“Fuuuu-,” Amara said, another orgasm building in her core. She wasn’t ready to spill just yet but Beni could take her there quickly. When Beni pulled out, she growled in frustration, “Fine just get the dick on so you can be inside me already, I-fuck, you’re such a tease Lafitte.” 

“You love the way I fuck you,” Beni said sucking on her soaked fingers. She crawled off of Amara, her clothes quickly finding their way to the floor as she made her way over to the “toy box.” she could have teased, taking her time to get the thick strapon attached but she didn't. Amara was on the edge, right where Beni wanted her but if she pushed any further Beni would definitely be sorry.

“You want me to add lube or you want the stretch?” Beni asked with that feral grin again.

“You can use it on the toy but don’t worry about opening me up, I want to feel you tomorrow,” Amara said, plopping over onto all fours. Looking into Beni’s big blue eyes was always nice but there were just places she couldn’t reach in that position. 

“Yes ma'am,” Beni groaned giving Amara's ass a sound slap. She made quick work of getting lube spread over the dildo and crawling back on the bed. She didn't bother asking if Amara if she was ready, it would have been redundant and only annoy her. Her best friends patience was already wavering as it was.

Grabbing the dildo in her fist, Beni slapped it against Amara's lips a few times before dipping it into her hole.

“Oooh fuck, yes...that’s what I needed, Beni.” Amara’s head dropped in pleasure as she felt the thick slide of the toy pushing inside her. It was just what she needed, though Beni’s tongue was always good in a pinch. Still, she needed a nice hard fuck every now and again and when the fake cock didn’t do the trick she sometimes went out and found a real one, but that was even more rare. Usually, just Beni taking her to the edge over and over again was more than enough to keep her satisfied. 

“Didn’t realize it till I felt that but fuck, yes… that’s it. “Don’t hold back now, please...don’t hold back.” 

Beni slid her hand up Amara's back, fingers tracing at the knobs of her spine before pushing down at the back of her neck. Without another word she started up a ruthless pace. Her hips moving with such a force the headboard slapped against the wall.

Amara grunted with every thrust of Beni’s hips, her body feeling full and  _ right _ again. She would have happily fucked her friend, though in that moment, she was incredibly grateful that Beni had declined. She hadn’t noticed how hard up she’d been getting and it felt even better than it should have. “Fuck, that’s it, fuck me Beni, harder,  _ harder damnit _ ..” she moaned, slamming her hips back as much as she could to meet the wild thrusts behind her. “Almost...almost there.” 

Beni reached around and started rolling Amara's clit insync with her thrusts, “C'mon baby, cum for me,” she growled out. There was a hitch in Amara's next breath and Beni took the moment to pinch at the engorged clit between her fingers.

“Fuuuuu-” Amara started, but her yell was cut off by another harsh hitch in her breathing from the attention Beni gave to her clit. It was almost too much, after her own private play time, and then the delightful wonders from Beni’s tongue, Amara was half convinced she’d dried herself out but fuck if she didn’t continue to spill for her. Beni always had a way of drawing more out of her than she imagined possible. 

The orgasm spun out of her quickly, Beni’s name a repetition on her lips as she cried out in pleasure. “Beni, Beni, Fuck Ben-” 

“Fucking hell girl,” Beni groaned, slowing her hips before pulling out as gently as she could. Amara flopped to her side while Beni practically ripped the strap on off to get the dildo disconnected. 

“You wanna fuck me with this or your mouth?” she asked.

“Ride my face, not sure I can get back up right now,” Amara said with a choked off chuckle, though it wasn’t far from the truth. She’d joked a couple times about losing feeling in her legs once Beni was done with her but it wasn’t much of an exaggeration at this point. “C’mon Beni, lemme have it.” 

Beni eagerly crawled up the length of Amara’s body, positioning herself right over her face before lowering down. The first lick against her lips had her shuddering hard. She was so sensitive already from rubbing against her pants that this wasn’t going to take very long. There was a moment, a very brief one where blonde hair and green eyes flashed before her and she cried out, leaning back against her hands as Amara licked inside of her.

“Oh fuck, close...close,” she whined.

Amara squeezed her arms around Beni’s thick waist and grunted a bit as she pulled the girl down harder. Beni was always so damn worried that she was too heavy but Amara loved the weight of her on top, loved to feel her body shake and shudder as she found her own release. She dipped as far as she could into the sweetness of her hole and lapped up every bit of the delicious, almost  _ sweet _ flavor.

Beni’s eyes rolled back as her body seized up. One more flash of those amazing eyes, followed by a gentle smile and Beni was cumming hard, “Shit...shit,” she whined, rolling her hips down as pleasure spread out through her body.

“Mmm, fuck that was good,” Beni grinned, biting down on her bottom lip as Amara lazily cleaned her up. She finally had to pull away through, collapsing down on the bed next to her.

“Isn’t it always, love?” Amara smiled, chuckling as she fondly patted Beni’s head. 

Beni snorted, smacking at Amara’s hand, “It is, don’t gotta be cocky about it,” she laughed, letting her arms fall above her head. She needed to shower, hell both of them needed to but she wasn’t in a rush to move just yet.

“So I’m thinking it’s probably time for a real cock again soon…” Amara started, humming to herself as she reached for the pack of clove cigarettes in her nightstand. “Not that you don’t do an excellent job at fucking me. Hell you’re better at figuring out when I need to be fucked, more than I am most of the time.” 

“Still, it’s about that time I think…” she groaned, “Men are easy, but they’re also...well,  _ men _ .” 

Beni stared at her for a moment before cracking up. She laughed so hard her stomach hurt and quickly after she found herself getting kicked out of the bed, “I’m sorry! But you’re ridiculous,” she said standing back up and slapping Amara’s ass.

“You know the one person who you haven’t asked to either set you up or look for you?” she asked crossing her arms below her breasts.

“Well it’s kind of unfair to ask that of you Ben,” Amara said, shaking her head. “It’s not like we have any secrets or anything like that but c’mon, even that is probably pushing it isn’t it?” 

It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Beni’s judgment, she trusted it more than her own frankly. Still, she didn’t like the idea of Beni setting her up with someone else. “I mean what happens if you have the perfect person for me, then you’ve pushed yourself out of some  _ very _ good sex. What kind of friend would I be to ask that of you?” 

“Well, I’m just the kind of friend who’d rather see my best friend happy rather then get in on that good sex,” Beni grinned, moving to sit down next to her. She took up her hand and kissed at her fingers, “That’s why you  _ should _ ask me. Cause I know you, I ain’t gonna set you up with some pissant who wouldn’t be able to take care of you,” she said with a warm smile.

“Okay, if that’s what you want, have at it but don’t come crying to me when you can’t find anyone else that makes you feel this good,” Amara teased, though she did hope that Beni would find her own something special, whatever that meant for her. 

“Oh, and don’t give me anything I can break… we clear?” she said with a raised brow. 

Beni snorted, “Don’t worry, I won’t. I’m gonna go make somethin to eat, you stay here bein your usual lazy self,” she teased, getting up and grabbing at her shirt to pull on.

“Yeah, I have no idea how you’re still single,” Amara said, both in awe and resigned to the fact that Beni was a bit of a romantic, no matter how often she refuted it. That, and she had a little bit of a savior complex, always needing to be needed. Thankfully for both of them Amara  _ did _ need her, just not the way Beni thought at least. Still, she was her best friend and she wanted  _ everything _ for her. 

“Make sure it has cheese on it!!” she called out with a laugh, knowing whatever Beni came back with half an hour later would be covered with cheese. 

* * *

Charlie took in a deep breath and held it, her hand raising to knock steadily at Deanna’s apartment door. She let the first few days slide but a few days turned into a week and even Ellen was worried. 

There was no answer. She tried again and still, no answer. The car was in it’s spot so Charlie knew Deanna was home. The girl did not walk, not even just a few minutes down the road. Shaking her head she found the extra key hidden in a planter and unlocked the door.

“Dee?” she called out after poking her head in.

Deanna reached for her coffee, pulled it to her lips, grimaced, and then sat it back down. She had never gotten the hang of writing with hot beverages. She either had a cup of warm coffee while taking a break, or she made coffee, sat it down and started writing, and picked it up an hour later. 

It was apparently the hour later, type of day...week? She honestly didn’t know anymore but ten new chapters of one of the most incredible books she’d ever written, was more than enough of an excuse. 

Charlie frowned and stepped inside, closing and locking the door behind her. The usual rock music wasn’t blaring through the stereo and the cheesy soap operas weren’t playing on the tv. Worry raced through her as she hurried down the hall to the bedroom, barely knocking as she pushed open the door. Her mouth dropped open as she watched her best friend type almost furiously at her laptop.

“Dee?” she called out again.

“Charls? What are you doing here?” Deanna asked, her head snapping up at the intrusion. 

“Dude, seriously? Is this where you been this whole week?” she asked, growing annoyed now that she wasn’t stressed out about where her friend was, “Everyone has been trying to get ahold of you!”

“What?” Deanna asked, reaching for her phone only to find it dead. “Oh, sorry...I uh, it’s dead. I didn’t know anyone had tried to call.”

When Charlie only seemed to get angrier, Deanna continued, “I’m sorry, I’ve just...I’ve been so busy,” Deanna said, pointing toward her laptop. “I have a new book, well  _ most _ of a new book.” 

Charlie instantly softened, her anger completely disappearing at the mention of Deanna writing again, “Wait...what?” she asked moving closer to see just how many pages had been written.

“Holy shit...was it that writing group you went to?” she asked.

Deanna didn’t enjoy lying, especially not to Charlie but part of her, a big part, wanted to keep Beni and the little tattoo parlor a secret. 

Still...it was Charlie. 

“No actually, that didn’t help at all but I went somewhere, found someone that did and I haven’t been able to stop writing since,” Deanna confessed, a small smile lifting up her lips as she felt heat pushing up her neck. 

Charlie smiled and sat down on the bed, “Oh yeah? Was this the same person you bought coffee and entire pie for?” she asked. Her smiled turned into a grin as the blush crept up higher, “Well then, who is she?”

“Just a friend, barely that even...just,” Deanna fiddled in her seat a bit but she sighed, knowing Charlie would get it out of her eventually. 

“With Cas-,” Deanna stated, pushing past the tightness in her throat, she continued, “I was stupid, Charls, I got a tattoo. It was small but it was a constant reminder.” 

She threw a hand up before Charlie went on a rant or even offered her sympathies, whatever it was Deanna needed to get this out before it locked up in her throat and she couldn’t. “I found a neat parlor the other night and I just went in. I talked to the artist and she drew something out for me. I went to pick up food while she dealt with another customer and then when she got done, she covered it up for me, almost like it wasn’t ever there.” 

Charlie’s mind spun with the very idea of Deanna’ having a tattoo of Cassidy’s name on her body, something she never in her wildest dreams ever thought her best friend would do. Letting that go, she focused on the fact that it was now gone and there was a lightness in Deanna’s eyes that Charlie hadn’t seen in a long time. She smiled at her friend and squeezed at her hand.

“Can I see it?” she asked.

“Sure, it’s not healed yet but you can see it pretty well,” Deanna confessed, “Actually, that reminds me, I should put some lotion on it again.”

She grabbed the small bottle from her desk drawer and pulled off her tee, the small gasp and then squeal that erupted from Charlie was more than enough of a reaction. It was  _ everything _ .

“Awesome, right? She’s a really great artist.” 

“Holy shit Dee! That’s absolutely gorgeous!” She said. Whatever had been there before, Charlie couldn’t see it. All that was there was an array of colors surrounding a star. The more she stared at it though, she suddenly recognized it, “Dee, do you know what the symbol means?” she asked.

Deanna froze. 

Swallowing hard, she asked quietly, “It means something?”

“Yeah...it does,” Charlie said biting her lip, “It’s to ward off evil...it’s to protect you,” she said softly.

“Oh,” she said, instantly relieved. Not that she thought anything ill of Beni but the last thing she wanted was to be wearing the symbol of someone else. “Well that sounds like a good thing, I’m not sure I believe in hudu or whatever but it can’t be bad, right?” 

“No, it’s not bad at all,” Charlie laughed softly. She really wanted to meet whoever designed this tattoo for her friend, someone who barely knew her hit it right on the head.

“So other than writing up a storm...is everything else okay?”

“Yeah, yeah it’s great...I mean,” Deanna sniffed, smelling something pretty foul before she realized it was her. “Well I could use a shower apparently, but overall, great. I didn’t mean to worry you guys.” 

Deanna pulled her shirt back and sniffed it,  _ yup she needed a shower _ . 

“Sorry, lemme just put my phone on the charger, grab a shower and I’ll come out with you for a bit. I actually...I have somewhere else I should go too,” she said, catching herself but probably not quickly enough. Charlie was super observant despite her overactive brain. 

Charlie opened her mouth to ask but promptly shut it. Teasing Deanna was not going to get her to open up about this new mystery person who somehow weaseled their way into Deanna’s brain. Charlie could only hope that she’d be able to tag along.

“I’ll be out in the family room,” She said before getting up and heading out of the room.

Deanna gathered a clean pair of jeans and then second-guessed herself, pulling out a skirt instead. She shifted her weight back and forth on her legs and then put it back. She was being ridiculous. She grabbed the cleanest pair of jeans, some underwear, a bra, and a random tee shirt and headed for the bathroom. 

Twenty minutes later she came out dressed and ready to leave with the exception of her sneakers which she pulled on by the door. “C’mon, let’s go see Ellen first. She’s gonna kill me.” 

“That she is,” Charlie laughed, shaking her head as she followed Deanna out to the Impala. It wasn’t worth the effort to try and talk her friend into driving. She’d never win.

Ellen was  _ pissed _ , just as Deanna expected but once she realized what happened, much like Charlie, she softened a bit. However there was still a ten minute lecture on keeping her phone charged, though she did get a few extra of her favorite nacho cheese fries so she couldn’t be in too much trouble. 

That, and Ash was a saint. 

Still, she hadn’t meant to fall away from the world and there was someone who may or may not care that she hadn’t shown up like she promised. 

Deanna pulled into the parking lot in front of Byen Venu Tattoo without even thinking, only belatedly realizing that Charlie was with her, “Promise me you’re not gonna make a big thing out of this…” 

“I’ll try, but I think I’m going to want a new tattoo if that one on your chest is any indication of their talent,” she said and quickly got out of the car. The shop was small but that sometimes meant that it could be the best one out there. After her last botch job, she was more than willing to try a non-celebrity type artist.

“That sounds fine,” Deanna agreed, “And Beni is very good at what she does.” 

She had a nervousness in her gut when she walked toward the door but Deanna bit it down and smiled as the old, black bell dinged as she stepped inside. It shouldn’t sound familiar but it did  _ feel _ that way, even after only one visit. 

“Beni, you busy?” Deanna asked, trying to keep her voice light. 

Beni froze at the sound of that voice. It was one she had hoped to hear but started to doubt as the days passed. She put down her tattoo gun she’d been cleaning and stepped out into the main room, a huge smile breaking out on her face when she saw Deanna.

“Hey cher, nah I’m not busy,” she said.

“Cher?” Charlie asked, blinking furiously for a few seconds before staring at Deanna. She wasn’t stupid and knew exactly what it meant but to hear it directed towards Deanna was a little shocking. Especially from a hot tattoo artist.

“Yeah…” Beni drawled out, her hand rubbing the back of her neck, “Got a problem with that red?” she grinned. 

Charlie shook her head, “Nope, not one.”

“I-uh-.” Deanna blinked, feeling completely left out for a moment. “Well, that’s not weird at all. Beni this is my best friend Charlie, Charlie, Beni.” 

Charlie waved awkwardly while Beni just laughed softly, “So uh, how’s it healin?” she asked pointing towards Deanna’s chest.

“It’s good, itching a bit now but I’ve been rubbing lotion on it when I remember, which probably isn’t as much as I should,” she said, a small blush coloring her cheeks. She normally took much better care of herself but when she was writing, she tended to zone out for a bit and that was about the most accurate description of her life over the past week. “I’ll do better though, set reminders if I have to.” 

Beni smiled, “You mind?” she asked, only reaching out when she got a timid nod. Very gently she pulled down the collar of Deanna’s shirt and glanced under the bandage, “It looks good regardless but yeah, you still need to keep adding that lotion or it’ll crack and ruin the lines,” she explained, putting Deanna’s clothes back in order.

“Whoa, what’s on your fingers?” Charlie asked, not realizing she was breaking some kind of connection between the two.

Beni snorted, “They’re the names of my family in creole,” she explained, holding out her hands so Charlie could see them better.

“Oh I...wait, how did I not notice that?” Deanna asked though she guessed she was partially in a daze for most of their time together. Not thinking, she reached out and took Beni’s hands in hers to get a closer look. She stood there for a while, inspecting the beautiful ink before Charlie cleared her throat and brought her back out of the daze.

Beni smiled, allowing for Deanna touch at her hands. She wanted to throw Charlie out of her shop when she interrupted...once again but just shook her head with a little sigh, “So, what brings you in?” she asked.

“Well I meant to come back sooner-” Deanna started. 

“I was interested in getting either a new tattoo or getting an old one covered up, haven’t made a firm decision about that one just yet,” Charlie said, ignoring the pointed glare she got from Deanna.

“Oh yeah? What you got that needs to be covered?” Beni asked crossing her arms.

“A princess Leia one that I got on my ass from Comicon,” she said bluntly. Beni pressed her lips together and tried as hard as she could to stifle her laugh.

“It’s truly awful,” Deanna promised, unable to hold back her own laughter. “She got it for free for some promotional thing by this big famous tattoo artist but it looks like shit.”

“Well then...um...if that’s what you want I can try to come up with something,” Beni snickered shaking her head a bit. 

“From what I’ve seen so far, you do amazing work so I’m down. Anything’s better than that,” Charlie laughed, shrugging her shoulders a bit. There was an awkward silence for about two seconds before Charlie made up that her phone was ringing and moved a few feet away from them.

Beni grinned, “So how are you Dee? The writing still flowing?” she asked.

“It’s been great, Beni...really, that’s kinda actually why I haven’t been back a little sooner. I’ve just been holed up in my apartment for the last week writing between naps really. I’ve completed over half of my first draft for a novel this week and I’m-I’m actually okay with it,” she confessed. “I haven’t written anything I was okay with in months...but this, it could be pretty good, with a little work.” 

Beni nodded, her smile turning soft, “I can’t wait to read it, if you’ll let me anyway,” she said, quickly adding before Deanna could flat out turn her down, “I’ll show you some of my real art work in exchange.”

“You mean this isn’t  _ real? _ ” Deanna asked, eyes going wide with disbelief. “This is amazing and some of it Beni...it’s original and wonderful and so damn creative.”

“I’d be honored to see anything you wanna show me and I’ll let you take a look at my stuff...once it’s edited a little at least,” Deanna answered, chewing nervously at her lip. 

Beni laughed a little, “Likewise cher,” she said and glanced over at Charlie who was flirting with one of the artists she had on staff. She took up Deanna’s hand and led her to the room she had just for her art.

“Since your friend is preoccupied,” she grinned.

“Okay,” Deanna said, not really even paying attention to the hand on hers. Well, she didn’t let it overwhelm her at least. Beni was probably just being...friendly? She wasn’t sure but she didn’t want to poke at it too much. Whatever was happening between them, Deanna wasn’t ready for it to be serious so she didn’t push. 

“Oh wow,” she said, as she glanced over at the vibrant watercolor rainfall. It seemed to leap off the canvas. Her only regret was that she couldn’t actually dance in it, “This is...Beni, this is beautiful. It’s beyond that, I just-I’m a writer and I don’t even have the words.” 

Beni blushed a bit and ducked her face down, “Thanks,” she said, tucking her hands into her back pockets. She watched Deanna look at each painting but when she got to the one where Beni painted her eyes, she freaked out a little but it was too late.

“Woah is that...is that-,” Deanna stopped, not entirely sure it was her eye staring back at her but it was a damn close match if not. “Not umm, trying to sound conceited or anything but is that me-my eye I mean?” 

“Yeah,” she said nodding as her cheeks turned a bit pink, “I hope it doesn't freak you out hut uh...couldn't get your damn eyes outta my head.” Beni knew it was forward and borderline creepy but it was the truth

“No no, I-I’m flattered, actually. I uh, I found inspiration here too...so we’re totally even,” Deanna promised, looking down at it in awe. She’d never seen her own eye look so damn gorgeous, though they were one of her favorite physical traits. “Any time, I mean it...however you want. And I’d be more than willing to like I don’t know, pose for you or something if you wanted...not that you’d necessarily want that I just mean-, well you know.” 

Beni smiled brightly at just the mere thought of getting Deanna to pose for her. Hundreds of ideas began to pop in her head and she had to stop before she got too far ahead of herself.

“I would love that darlin, don't usually get people offerin to be my model. Most of the time I have to resort to my best friend,” she laughed softly

“Well I’m yours- your umm I’m your model, whenever you want me,” she said, feeling flustered and flushed at all the thoughts rushing through her mind. She hadn’t intended for it to be some sort of come on but she was pretty sure that’s how it had come out. Still...it didn’t seem like Beni was weirded out by it or anything. “It’s honestly, the least I could do after you’ve given me so much.” 

  
“Will definitely take you up on that offer,” Beni said. They looked around the room for a bit more before Beni was closing the door back up. Charlie was still flirting with Dory that only had Beni rolling her eyes.

“You want her to just do your tat?” Beni asked.

Charlie blushed a little, “Nah, I’m good. I’ll come back for the cover-up though,” she said.

“I guess that’s my cue,” Deanna said, once Charlie stepped outside with a wink back at the dark-headed artist. She pointed her thumb back over her shoulder and out the window to gesture to her baby. “I drove.”

“I’ll uh, I’ll be back though, maybe with my laptop if that’s okay?” 

“More than okay. Consider that couch yours,” Beni laughed softly. She watched the two women leave the shop and turned to see Dory giving her a quizzical look, “What?” she asked, instantly becoming defensive.

“Been a while since I saw you look at  _ anyone  _ like that boss,” Dorothy said, Beni’s brisk brush off only made it all that more pleasurable to tease her. 

“Like what?” Beni asked and fidgeted, her hand coming up to rub at the back of her neck, “She’s just a cool girl I’m hopin to be friends with,” she said.

Dorothy snorted, loudly. “Yeah, and I didn’t just get the cute redhead’s number,” she paused for dramatic effect and the wiggled her eyebrows. “Oh wait  _ I totally did _ .” 

“Pffft, whatever girl,” Beni rolled her eyes and quickly went back to her station to get it cleaned up for her next appointment. Deanna was beautiful and Beni would be lying if she tried to say she wasn’t attracted to her but that was something she did not want to pursue. She was content being just friends.

For now at least.

* * *

  
  


Beni leaned down, typing something into the computer to rearrange one of her appointments when the door dinged. Though she didn’t need to look up to see who it was, she still did with a smile. Deanna walked easily into the parlor, that ever-present grin on her face as she took her usual spot on the couch. 

It had been a few weeks already since she’d first met the blonde with bright green eyes and ever since then, it was a regular thing now for her to show up every day. She’d stop by with her laptop and spend hours typing away. As “payment” for using Beni’s couch, she’d always get them lunch from the roadhouse. 

On the days Deanna didn't’ show up Beni found herself at a loss, almost confused at what she was supposed to do with herself. There were even times Beni would forget to bring her lunch since she’d gotten used to Deanna being there. When the girl had found that out Beni got a delivery from a snarky blonde with her usual order from the roadhouse.

Deanna was slowly becoming one of her closest friends, their conversations while they ate alternating between light teasing to deep. And as embarrassing as it was, there had been one where Beni got all kinds of emotional. Everyone she knew teased her about this new friendship, all of them saying that it could easily be more if Beni would get her head out of her ass. To that Beni promptly lifted the bird at them.

The worse had been Pam...or so she thought. Amara had been downright evil, even after Beni had introduced her to one of her newest clients, Cain. From what Amara told her the sex had been mind-blowing and she even liked the guy outside the bedroom. And how does she repay Beni? Endless teasing that’s how. 

Beni rolled her eyes with a snort as she clicked the save button, “How are ya today Dee?” she called out.

“Good, good...I uh, I think I’m done actually,” She said, holding out a small usb stick. “Just don’t read it while I’m here, okay?” 

Beni’s mouth dropped open as she grabbed the memory stick as if it were something precious. Well, to her it actually was. With how much time Deanna had spent bent over her laptop typing away furiously Beni had been eager to read just something of it. Even if she’d only get a quick glimpse of a sentence or two before getting slapped away.

“Shit...yeah. I’ll read this tonight after closing up,” she said with a huge smile, “I uh...got somethin to show you too,” she said blushing crimson. 

“Sure, that sounds great,” Deanna grinned, feeling a warmth in her cheeks and a fluttering in her belly. It had taken weeks for her to realize the attraction that she held for Beni but once she had it seemed like she became hyper-aware of every little thing. Even the smallest touches from her would make her feel as if she were floating. 

Beni nodded, her nerves skyrocketing as she lead Deanna over towards her painting room, “This all started after you told me about your LARPing costume,” she laughed a little. The usual paintings were still there, many of them being of different features of Deanna’s face. Some of which Deanna had posed for. These new ones though, all came out of Beni’s brain.

  
  


Deanna gasped, she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. The images in front of her were breathtaking and she honestly didn’t have words to express how she felt looking at them. “I-I don’t know what to say,” she started, swallowing a bit roughly at them as she gently, carefully traced the edges with her thumb. “I-Beni, these are...they’re so gorgeous, they don’t even look like  _ me _ anymore, but something better, greater, and infinitely more beautiful.”

Beni bit down on her lip and moved closer, “This is how I see you cher. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for...if anything this is the warrior that’s inside you,” she said softly.

Deanna flushed brightly, she knew it had to show. Her cheeks felt as if they were burning, hearing such kind, and intimate words from Beni. They’d been friends only a few weeks but the woman had changed her life from the very first moment and she, she’d  _ wanted _ , but she also didn’t want to make the same mistakes she’d made with Cas. She didn’t want to be too clingy, too needy, didn’t want to pull Beni into her vortex and suffocate her like she did everyone else, so she pulled away. 

“Thank you, that’s very kind. You should...I don’t know, maybe try for some sort of art expo or something. Not to say that your tattoos aren’t equally important, but this… this is talent, Beni and you should let the world see it.”

Beni tried to not feel hurt when Deanna pulled away. She brushed it off with a smile, shrugging a bit, “My ex says the same damn thing every time she sees a new painting,” she said, “Maybe I will. Eventually.” 

“Well you should…” Deanna said, biting nervously at her lip. “I uh, I’m just gonna go, I told Ellen I’d swing by today.” 

“Oh...okay, sure yeah,” Beni said with a frown. Thankfully the front door dinged and her next appointment was strolling to the front desk, “See ya later Dee,” she said and headed up to the front desk.

“Yeah, see ya,” she said, with one glance back at the gorgeous art behind her.

How could Beni see her that way? The woman in the paintings was so beautiful, so strong, so...well Deanna didn’t see that in herself but she was flattered all the same. She wanted nothing more than to be that woman but she was a coward and she’d never felt it more so than she did in that moment. 

She left and went to Ellen’s planning to get lunch for them both but she got stuck behind the counter for a bit when a crew of bikers stopped in on their way to a charity ride. It was nearly dark before she could get out of there with food for both her and Beni but she knew if she didn’t bring something the woman likely wouldn’t eat for hours. 

That, and maybe she hoped to gather her courage a bit on the way back. 

When she got there though, she felt a cold chill rip through her spine. Maybe it was a sixth sense or just her wounded heart warning her, but when she looked up she knew why. 

Beni was laughing and talking with a gorgeous dark-skinned woman while she closed up and before Deanna could catch her breath, let alone say anything to stop her, Beni had pinned the stranger to the wall and kissed her passionately. 

The tears came without permission and she quickly backed out of the parking lot. 

“Damn woman, you know just what to say to get me all riled up,” Beni laughed against Billie's plump lips. She hadn't seen the girl since college where they had dated for awhile. They'd split on good terms and still kept in contact with each other. Though this little visit was a complete surprise.

“How long you in town for?” Beni asked before leaning in to kiss at the soft skin of Billie's neck. The scent of jasmines was still there making Beni hum softly.

“Not long, I’ve got to be in Denver by tomorrow evening, but I figured if we got started now, I might be able to walk before my flight takes off,” Billie moaned, her head falling back in pleasure. She normally wasn’t the wham, bam, thank you ma’am type but then there was Beni and that sinful tongue and she’d never been able to get enough of it. 

“Come on now, Beni. Either take me back to your place or open this door up and spread me out on one of your tables,” she said, her hands grabbing possessively at Beni’s plump round ass. “As much as I love this, I didn’t come here for teenage frottage.” 

Beni snickered, nipping sharply at her neck, “Aw, but I thought you loved all that fumbling shit,” she teased, both of them laughing at the memory of their first time. They had been so eager after tip toeing around each other for weeks that when it finally came to a head the actual sex had been pretty terrible. 

Beni pulled her keys back out and unlocked the door. Spreading Billie out on one of her art tables was much more enticing than driving all the way back home. She yanked the girl into the shop and shut the door with a sound slam.

* * *

  
  
  


Beni stared at her phone, tapping her fingers on the table in a vain attempt to quiet the voices in her head. Ever since she had shown Deanna those paintings her new friend had all but disappeared. She wasn’t answering her phone, even forcing Beni to download freaking facebook messenger to try and contact her. Deanna was active, even read her messages but never responded. It was pissing Beni off. If the girl didn’t want anything to do with Beni or felt that she’d stepped over a line then she should have said something!

Beni threw her paintbrush at the wall and flinched when arms wrapped around her waist. Billie had left for Denver when she said she would but surprised the hell out of Beni by coming back a few days later. Beni didn’t know whether they were starting up a relationship again or that they were doing the same thing she and Amara had. 

“Sorry cher, I’m just really upset right now,” she muttered, moving out of Billie’s arms to snatch up her paintbrush.

“Green eyes, huh?” Billie asked, as nonchalantly as she could, which wasn’t very. She always preferred a more direct approach. “I know this... _ whatever _ this is, is new to us Beni, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to keep dropping in on you. We make time for what’s important to us.” 

“I know. And yeah, green eyes. I just thought we were friends you know?” Beni sighed and rubbed at her face, “I guess I was just a tad too creepy for her liking,” she said, moving over to take down the paintings of Deanna to store away. It wasn’t like Deanna was the only person she painted. She had scores of them of Amara, Pamela, and even Billie. Though most of them were rated R and couldn’t be displayed, she still had them and revisited them many times.

Wanting to change the subject she pulled out her notebook of sketches and handed it over to Billie. By the smirk on the other woman’s face, she knew exactly what would be inside, “Let’s just say I have a new muse now,” she grinned.

“Oh really?” Billie asked, her eyebrows raised, she flipped through the pages toward the back where she was very beautifully splayed out on a kitchen counter. Her head was thrown back in ecstasy, but everything else was portrayed in a way that was  _ clearly  _ her. Even the small birthmark she had on her left breast was drawn out. “Damn, you’ve got some talent kid. You should really do something with it.”

Beni stared at her a bit, a frown pulling at her lips, “I am doing somethin with it Billie,” she said, gesturing around her, “I didn’t just open this shop for my health.”

“Oh I don’t mean it like that, Beni...just saying you could do something beyond all this,” she said, gesturing toward the shop. “Listen, I have friends in Denver...why don’t you let me introduce you to some people, show off a portfolio or something. You could really make a name for yourself…”

Beni opened her mouth to argue with her but stopped herself. Billie was far from the only person to have mentioned doing something about her art. Maybe she was a little terrified of what people would say...people who didn't know her and only said nice things because they were friends.

“S-Sure...yeah. I’ll um...I’ll get one ready,” she said nervously.

“Good, now take me to bed for more... _ inspiration.”  _

Billie chucked a bit as Beni shook her head. She didn’t waste time, pulling at the layers of her own clothes until she was left with black lace panties clinging to her hips. “Come on, beautiful. Let’s get more comfortable," she said, pulling at Beni’s hand until they were in the main room.

She let go and plopped down on the frumpy couch, sure to spread her legs wide. “Well, what are you waiting for?”

Beni hesitated. Though the sight of Billie spread out for her was….incredibly tempting the image of Deanna sitting on that couch days on end made her recoil a bit. 

_ Goddammit. _

The girl was starting to cock block her and she wasn't even there! Beni dragged her fingers through her short hair, not surprised in the least to hear an annoyed huff.

“C'mon, let's go in the office….break in my desk,” Beni said, trying to cover up the awkwardness.

Billie blinked…”I’m sorry, what?”

She waited a minute, “I know you didn’t just suggest that I take my mostly exposed  _ ass _ and put it on your cold desk when there’s a couch right here.”

Again she waited for some response but Beni seemed to be tight-lipped on the matter. Billie softened but she felt the little piece of her heart she had been holding onto, fracture under the look of longing on Beni’s face. 

She stood up and walked back into the drawing-room where she carefully, methodically redressed herself. 

Just to make sure she was right, she paused before leaving, “Green eyes?” 

Beni sighed, “I don't know how she got under my fucking skin this badly,” she spat out. She wanted to have sex, her body was thrumming with the need but fuck if her damn heart wasn't into it.

“Not that I’m one for giving advice but maybe you should track her down, talk to her, figure out what happened and get some closure, or don’t...but give me a call if you change your mind,” Billie said, puking her brown leather jacket over her shoulders. “It was fun while it lasted Beni but you obviously need to sort this shit out.”

Beni nodded, leaning in for a brief kiss when Billie came close enough. She walked her out and locked the door once it was shut again.

_ Dee, I don't know what happened but will you please talk to me? <<Beni _

_ Mari i know you’re having amazing marathon sex with Cain and all but I really need my best friend right now. <<Beni _

Deanna glanced down at her phone when it went off, frowning back to herself when she read the message. She knew it was wrong, blaming Beni for her own fool heart getting ahead of itself. Beni had never shown beyond a casual interest in being with her but for some reason, Deanna had started to feel like there was more between them. 

Until that night, until she backed away only to find Beni in the arms of someone else. 

It had hurt, obviously, but now she was punishing both Beni and herself by staying away because the thought of going back, of looking into those bright blue eyes and not falling apart seemed impossible.

_ It’s not you...I have issue- _

She paused, and then quickly erased the half-thought message. She did that another half dozen times before finally deciding that a text wasn’t the way to say what needed to be said, no matter how terrifying it was. 

_ You at the shop? >Deanna  _

Beni was at her desk now, head in her hands when her phone finally went off. She figured it was Amara but nearly dropped it when she saw Deanna’s name. 

_ Yeah. Closed up early. >>Beni _

_ I’ll be there in fifteen, we should talk >Deanna _

Beni rubbed at her face and got up to pace her office. May as well get this over and done with. She went into her art room to make sure all her paintings of Deanna were put away. She doubted they’d even go in there but just to be on the safe side.

_ The closed sign will be out but the door is unlocked. I’ll be in my office, just lock it after you come in. > Beni _

Deanna didn’t check her phone again, not until she pulled into the parking lot of the small shop at least. She needed all of the little focus she had remaining, to be on driving. The last thing that would help this situation is if she was too distracted and ended up hurting her baby. She followed the instructions from the last text, stepped inside the parlor and then locked the door behind her as she tried not to let her nervous, heartbroken emotions spill out on her face.

She stopped at the doorway and leaned against it, “Hey.” 

Beni looked up from her computer and gave a little smile. She knew she’d missed Deanna but never realized just how much until she was right there in front of her, “Hey yourself,” she said with a slightly teasing tone.

Deanna rubbed at the back of her neck before sighing, “Look, I’m sorry about the last week...the truth is, you didn’t do anything wrong. I just-I get a little in my own head sometimes and I tend to uh, I start reading too much into things,” she started, not wanting to just outright confess everything. Of course Beni should know the truth, that it wasn’t her fault, but it didn’t mean Deanna was ready to make herself that vulnerable again. “Anyway, I realized what I was doing and in my attempt to cut myself off, I managed to just completely ghost you and that wasn’t fair. I’m sorry.” 

Beni chewed on her lip, turning in her chair, “Can I uh...can I ask what made you do that?” she asked, her hands nervously twisting in her lap, “I’m sorry if the paintings creeped you out.”

A flare of recognition widened her eyes and Deanna moved close, “Oh god..oh god no Beni, the paintings are gorgeous. I loved every single one, maybe..maybe a little too much,” she said, swallowing a bit over the lump that grew in her throat.

She stepped forward and took a seat on the edge of Beni’s desk and sighed, knowing she didn’t have much choice but to confess fully what had happened, despite how badly she wanted to hang onto the last bits of hope that there could be something between them. 

“Okay, so...look I know you never said anything or did anything that should have given me this I don’t know,  _ feeling _ . I’m not blaming you or anything, it’s totally my own doing but my ex, well she wasn’t right about a lot of things but I do tend to get a bit too uh clingy, too attached to people. I start to  _ need _ them and sometimes I even interpret things differently than they mean. Like with you, I-” she paused, “I started to feel like maybe we were more than friends and I know, I know it’s my fault but then you showed me those paintings Beni and I had to hold everything back so I didn’t scare you away and I- Well anyway, I came back that night and I realized that I’d made it all up in my head and so I ran, and that wasn’t fair to you but I needed the space.” 

“Whoa, whoa hey,” Beni said and stood up, moving closer to Deanna until she had her hands pressed on the desk on either side of Deanna’s legs. She was about to keep going when it dawned on her. That was the same night Billie had surprised her, “Fuck...Dee,” she sighed and straightened back up.

“I ain’t gonna lie to you cher, I’m not a relationship kind of person. Everyone I’ve been in, I somehow managed to fuck up. Somehow though, my exes either turn out to be my best friends or...random fuck buddies,” she said, rubbing the back of her neck, “After you left I was all out of sorts and then Billie showed up. I didn’t think you’d ever want me that way so...yeah,” she said looking down at her feet.

“You didn’t do anything wrong Beni, we weren’t  _ anything _ , I don’t know why you’re looking at me like that, like you need to be sorry but you don’t. I can’t just expect you to read my mind or make a commitment to me without giving you any reason to think that’s what I wanted or anything else,” she started but shook her head. “Like I said, I read too much into things. You don’t owe me anything.” 

“We’re supposed to be friends...at least. I upset you and whether you think you don’t me owe or whatever, I’d still like to know if I do that so we can talk it out. You going silent on me…” Beni shook her head and moved back into Deanna’s space, “Honestly, the word friends doesn’t even cover it. Whatever this is between us-” Beni smiled a little tucked some of Deanna’s hair behind her ear, “You got under my skin.”

“I don’t know what you mean by that, Beni but I don’t know that I can do  _ casual _ ,” Deanna said, chewing at her lip. “I like you, I-I  _ really _ like you and I don’t know how to hold back from that. It might be too much for someone like you, someone who’s not really into relationships. In my experience, I’ve learned that I can be a little  _ too much _ , even for someone who’s looking for the same things.” 

“What if I didn’t want to be causal, not with you. Would you be willing to try this with me?” she asked, gazing into those green eyes and nearly drowning in them until she looked away, “I like you too Dee, a lot.”

“I’d like that, Beni...but I want you to be sure that this is what you want. I’m not-I can’t do halfway, y’know? I-” Deanna paused, pulling Beni’s hands into her own. “I’m going to be clingy and needy and basically a full-blown mess so I just need to make sure you know what you’re getting into. I’ll want to spend time with you like  _ all the time _ , I’ll want you to meet my fam-”

Beni gently stopped Deanna with pressing her thumb against her lips, “I’m fine with all that darlin. You know I love it when you’re here, on that couch writing away while I work. Missed it this last week to be quite honest with ya. So if that counts as your ‘clingy’ behavior then I think we’ll be just fine. I just need you to talk to me cher, like you said, I can’t read your mind. If I do or say anything to upset you, I wanna know about it,” she said.

“Hell, that’s the least I can do if you’re willing to give up tall, dark, and gorgeous for  _ me _ ,” Deanna teased though it didn’t come off as light as she’d hoped. The truth was she was a little worried that she wouldn’t be enough, not for someone who was used to casual sex on the regular at least. It had been months since she’d even thought about sleeping with someone and though the idea of being with Beni was more than enough to have her mouth-watering, she still wanted to take it slow. 

“I ain't rushin anything here darlin but I couldn't even get it up for her the last time. Couldn't stop thinkin about ya,” she softly, cupping the side of Deanna's cheek.

Deanna flushed, her cheeks flames red she was sure but the idea of Beni not wanting to...with someone else...and all because of her, it made everything inside her feel like jello. 

“I uh..” she started, “I don’t really know what to say to that but I’ll admit, I’m not feeling too guilty about that at the moment.” 

“I don't either if I'm being honest here,” Beni laughed softly. She leaned in and kissed at Deanna's warm cheek before pulling back, “So, whaddya say sweetheart, wanna get out of here and get some dinner with me?” she asked.

Deanna appreciated the soft gesture of a cheek kiss but her body craved more, she wanted some sort of proof to convince herself that they weren’t just friends anymore. She wrapped her arms around Beni’s shoulders and kissed the girl with ferocity. In that moment the passion and desire thrumming through her burned brighter than it had in months, maybe years. 

When she pulled away they were both breathless but she grinned, “Yeah, I know the perfect place.”

* * *

  
  
  


She’d briefly considered taking Beni to the roadhouse, introducing her to everyone but the thought of that overwhelmed even her and she loved them all like family, Hell they _ were _ family. Still, she had a better idea.

Deanna gestured toward the Impala and reveled in the dropped jaw look Beni gave her when she slid behind the wheel. She was pretty sure it was the same feeling she’d had when she caught Beni sliding off her bike for the first time. 

“Get in,” she teased, as she waited for Beni’s brain to come back online. Deanna navigated the city easily until she was pulling into the familiar spot in front of her first-floor apartment, “I brought you to my place, hope that’s okay.” 

Beni nodded, “Whatever you wanna do is good with me,” she smiled, getting out of the car. As they walked towards the door Beni snatched up Deanna’s hand and smiled, not letting her pull away.

“You craving anything in particular? I keep the kitchen pretty stocked,” Deanna said, “Especially when I’m writing because I never remember to shop so Charlie just grabs my card and fills it up every week.” 

Deanna realized what it sounded like and she flushed, “It’s not that I can’t take care of myself I just.. I get preoccupied sometimes and I forget to do the simple things until it’s like three am and there’s nothing to eat.” 

“Hey, you’re talking to a ‘starving artist’ here,” Beni chuckled, “If it wasn’t for Pam or Amara I probably would have starved,” she said shaking her head. They got inside Deanna’s apartment and Beni instantly looked around. A grin broke out on her face when she caught sight of the bookshelf, her eyes widening when she saw actual published works with Deanna’s name.

“You didn’t tell me you were published!” she said snatching at one of the books.

“Oh it’s...it’s not a big deal,” she lied, though it did make her feel bubbly and warm inside to see such a nice reaction to it. Not many people felt that way when she told them what kind of books she wrote. Thankfully Benny already knew, had already discussed it with her quite a bit so she didn’t have to worry about  _ the look _ , she called it in her head. 

Beni ran her fingers slowly over the cover of the first of the series and couldn't help grinning. The woman on the cover had a little resemblance to herself even though this had been done way before they met. 

She held out the book and chuckled, “Have type babe?” she asked teasingly before bringing the book back to look at it again, “I'd love to do the art for one of your books,” she said almost wistfully.

The glass jar of pasta sauce dropped to the floor and shattered with a loud clang. Deanna couldn’t believe her ears. She’d tried for most of her adult life to find someone to do  _ actual _ art for her stories. There was a small following online and a few talented bloggers that made a piece here or there but nothing she could nail down and present to her publisher. A cover that wasn’t photoshopped had been one of her deepest desires. 

“Wh-what? You-,” Deanna said not paying any attention to the broken glass as she blinked unbelievingly at Beni.

“Shit Dee,” Beni put the book back and hurried over. Without really thinking about it she lifted Deanna up on the counter to get her away from the glass, “Where's your broom?” she asked but got no answer. Beni peered up into Deanna's face and couldn't help smiling softly at the awed look Deanna was giving her.

“Sweetheart?” she asked gently cupping the side of her face.

“You would do that...for me?” she asked, almost too afraid to question it to find out she might be dreaming. Already she’d had Beni offer her so much, and now to have one of her greatest dreams on the verge of coming true her mind kind of glitched out. 

Beni almost teased her but thankfully she stopped herself. The way Deanna was looking up at her, that deep vulnerability, she knew any amount of teasing would easily sour the mood. 

Slowly she leaned in and pressed their lips together in a chaste kiss, “Of course I would,” she said softly.

Deanna pulled her in without hesitation, she wrapped herself around Beni like an octopus and hugged her as tightly as she could. She didn’t even realize she was saying anything until a small, almost  _ too _ quiet voice said, “You don’t know what this means to me. Thank you, thank you.”

Beni hugged her tight, one arm securely around her waist while the other moved higher, her fingers threading through Deanna's hair.

She stayed quiet the words ‘You’re welcome,’ inadequate for what Beni really wanted to say. She wasn't a poet or a writer, she wasn't good with words.

Deanna pulled away eventually, shaking her head at how ridiculous she was being. What Beni must think of her, she wondered if she was already regretting it all but she wasn’t brave enough to ask, not even jokingly. “Sorry, I-it’s just something I’ve wanted for a really long time.” 

She didn’t want to let the awkwardness she felt linger, so Deanna quickly changed the subject. “Let’s get this cleaned up...looks like we’re having burgers tonight instead of spaghetti and meatballs.” 

“Hey, don't do that cher,” Beni said softly, dragging her thumb slowly over Deanna's bottom lip.

She kissed at Deanna's forehead and went about cleaning the glass, her face turning up to give Deanna a grin, “Just so we’re clear, I  _ want _ to see this side of you.”

“It’s a bit much and we literally  _ just _ started whatever this is,” Deanna answered shaking her head. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful that you are being understanding and so damn sweet Beni but I don’t want our first date..type thing, to be so  _ heavy _ .” 

She shook her head and went for the mop and the broom, knowing that if she left that pasta sauce on the floor it would stain her gorgeous white tile and she could kiss her security deposit goodbye. “We’ll talk about it another time, promise.” 

“I'll take that rain check,” Beni said. They made quick work of getting the mess cleaned up. The radio on the counter turned on and oldies blaring out through the speakers. When the Temptations My Girl came on Beni couldn't help it, she yanked Deanna to her and swayed them around the kitchen. It was worth the horrible dancing just to hear Deanna laughing brightly. 

“You’re ridiculous,” she said, though she was smiling bigger than she could remember doing for quite some time. Beni had a way of making her cheeks hurt from it and she’d been holding back before, not wanting to let herself fall too deep. 

Her stomach growled a bit and she swatted playfully at Beni’s hands on her hips. “Now let me go or we’ll never eat,” she teased, backing away a little to clean up at the sink before pulling the new ingredients from the fridge. 

_ Not happening.  _ Beni thought to herself with a secret smile.

“Can you grab the spice rack for me?” Deanna asked, pointing toward the back counter by the fridge. 

“Normally I’d do a marinade on these but I’m not waiting four hours to eat,” she said with a chuckle. 

Beni responded and they made small talk for a bit, teased one another a little more and the moment Deanna’s hands were empty of food and the burgers were cooking, she was being pulled back into Beni’s arms for another dance, _ not that she minded _ . 

They ate fairly quickly, focusing more on the food than the conversation until it was gone at least. Beni did compliment the taste though it wasn’t the full experience Deanna had wanted to give her, it was still a nice meal. 

Once they were finished, Deanna insisted on just letting the dishes set for a bit, she could rinse them off and put them in the dishwasher later. “Come sit with me for a while. You can read or watch tv or something, I just want to make some notes real quick…” 

Beni bit her lip, “I think I'll start with one of your series,” she said, finding the one she wanted before sitting on the couch, her legs curled up under her.

“Oh you don’t have to-” Deanna stopped herself, Beni had already plucked the book from the shelf and started it. Nervous flutters became more rapid in her belly but she forced herself to focus on something else, hell  _ anything _ else. “Okay, but if you don’t like it-” 

“Babe….shush,” Beni said giving Deanna a playful glare. 

“Okay,” Deanna said, turning back to her laptop. She furrowed her brow one more time as she glanced over at Beni but then she just took a deep breath and went back to typing. She’d already had a great idea for the second novel in the series and she knew Beni’s watercolor technique would be perfect for it. 

Beni didn't know how many times she had shifted on the couch but when she finally managed to look up she was laying on her back her bare toes under Deanna's thigh. Blinking a  few times, the digital numbers blurry as all hell.

Three hours. She'd been reading nonstop for three hours. She snorted out a laugh, pointing to the time once Deanna blinked at her.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry-” Deanna started but she was cut off by a small chuckle from Beni. Toward the end of their relationship, she was doing the same thing to Cas and well, she hadn’t been near as understanding about it. When she felt inspired, the way she had with Cas, the way she  _ did _ with Beni, she got pulled into the worlds she created and sometimes she just forgot that the real world existed. 

Beni shook her head, “Don't ever be sorry for that. I'm a laid back chick. This, right here means more to me then going out. I mean yeah, it's fun but I'd much rather spend time with you like this. Where we're both comfortable and lost in our art. It just so happens I'm lost in yours right now,” Beni explained reaching out to squeeze at Deanna's wrist.

“No, I know you’re being super cool and stuff but this was supposed to be a date, Beni...a  _ date _ , and I’ve ignored you for hours…” Deanna said, shaking her head. “I’m not saying it wasn’t nice, or that I don’t appreciate that you’re actually interested enough to read past the first chapter but I also need to learn how to be part of a relationship and actually  _ give _ something back.” 

“Sweetheart, listen to me please.  _ Really  _ listen. I know what she did and how she treated you. I'm not saying this to appease you and it will take awhile for you to believe this and me. But this was probably the best date I've had in a long time. I don't have to pretend or be fake….it's nice,” Beni said biting her lip.

“Okay, I get it but still-” she said, cutting herself off. 

“Look, of course we’ll both have to work, we’ll both get distracted when we have ideas on our minds or itches to scratch, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay for me to miss this...I don’t want to do that,” Deanna said, huffing as she pulled Beni’s hand into hers. “I want to get to know more about you, I wanna do what normal couples do. I want to be  _ here _ in this moment and not somewhere else when I’m with you.”

Beni brought Deanna's hand up to her mouth and kissed her knuckles and then the inside of her wrist.

“And we'll do that and I'll tell you if you're getting too lost in that gorgeous head of yours,” Beni laughed softly, “As long as you do the same for me. I just wanna make sure you understand that nights like this, doing simple things….I need that.”

“Okay, sounds good.” 

“Y’know, it’s kinda late. I’m not offering you anything more than a place to crash in, but you’re welcome to stay.,” Deanna said, her voice soft but steady. 

At the mere mention of staying the night, Beni yawned making both of them laugh, “That actually sounds great cher. As long as you don't mind dropping me back at the shop in the morning,” she said.

“Sure, I’ll just pack up and come with you,” Deanna grinned, “C’mon let’s go to bed.” 

Beni took her hand to follow but stopped in mid step, “Wait…” she said and hurried to where she had placed the book down on the couch, “Okay there we go,” she took up Deanna's hand again and waited.

“Oh come on, it’s not  _ that  _ good,” Deanna said, though her cheeks were warm when she said it. 

Beni just gave her a wink, pulling her down the hall to find the bedroom herself.

* * *

Beni sighed deeply, the ache in her arms and shoulders a good one. The finished painting in front of her was the biggest yet, the canvas nearly as tall as she was. It showcased Deanna's main characters but how Beni envisioned them. The quiet one a warrior in her own right, shining with that inner strength as she wielded her weapon to protect the love of her life. For a moment Beni allowed herself to get lost in the wash of colors, the way they swirled and blended beautifully to create the cosmos. 

It was the best one yet and Beni couldn't wait to show Deanna. She had others, ones she had planned out for Deanna's new book since the girl finally let her in on who the new characters were.

_ Soo...I’ve been trying to put this off for a bit, because they can be overwhelming but.. >Deanna _

_ Family dinner tonight? >Deanna _

She hesitated before sending the message, Deanna didn’t enjoy putting pressure on their relationship, especially not since things seemed to be going so well. Of course, that was also the reason everyone wanted to meet her, wanted to make sure she wasn’t getting into another  _ Cas _ situation. Dean sort of thought it was ridiculous, the two people could not have been more different, but she also loved the idea that they cared enough to be stubborn about it. 

Beni read the words of the message several times before it sunk in.

Deanna wanted her to meet her family. A giddy but nervous flutter filled her stomach. 

_ That sounds great sweetheart. When, where what time? Oh and should I dress up or somethin? >> Beni _

_ Nah, low key at the roadhouse. They’re closing up early and we’re all gonna just eat and have some fun. No pressure. >Deanna _

At least she hoped there wouldn’t be. 

_ Family Chat _

_ She’s in. Please, don’t ruin this for me. >Deanna _

_ Whatever could you mean? >> Charlie. _

_ I’ll try to hide the rifle so mom doesn’t pull it out to ‘clean’ it >> Jo _

_ I’m serious guys, she’s...she’s not Cas and I really like her so please… >Deanna _

_ I thought we agreed to never speak of the hell spawn again? >> Samantha  _

_ I will agree, Beni is pretty low key and awesome. But no matter how hard you try Dee, the girl is gonna get MANY shovel talks. >> Charlie _

_ That worked so well last time >Deanna _

_ No more shovel talks, I know I’ve made some mistakes with this stuff but I think I’ve got it right this time and I don’t need any of you ruining that just for some bs shits and giggles. >Deanna _

_ Love you guys but don’t make me regret this. >Deanna  _

_ Dee, it was never about shits and giggles man, we love you and wanna watch out for you >> Samantha _

_ No, Dee’s right Sam. >>Charlie _

_ We have to step back and let this play out like it needs too. Cause I don’t think Dee will forgive us if WE’RE the ones who make Beni run away screaming >>Charlie _

_ I can’t wait to meet them babe. I wish I had a family I could introduce you to. All I have is an ex who’s my best friend now and someone who’s been my best friend for years. They’ve been dyin to meet you though, if that helps. >> Beni _

_ Bring her if you want, the more the merrier...if you think she’d be cool with a minimal effort kind of hang out...it’s nothing fancy. >>Deanna _

The nervous flutters in her stomach exploded into smaller more jittery  _ something's _ bubbling around inside her. Deanna had heard small things about Beni’s best friend and she was terrified she wouldn’t be up to snuff. Still, it was probably best to find that out sooner rather than later, she was already half in lo-like with the woman. 

Beni chewed on her lip before taking in a deep breath and messaging Amara.

_ You gonna finally pay attention to your best friend jerk? >>Beni _

_ Hmm, I have half an hour until I wake him up, I could be convinced. If you ask more nicely. >>Amara  _

_ Well you never responded to me when I said I needed my best friend, so I figured if I was an asshole it would get a response. >>Beni _

_ Not my fault you just proved my point. >>Beni _

_ Fine fine, you win. What’s up? >> Amara  _

_ Not that you remember but I have a girlfriend now and she’s invited me to meet her family tonight. And though you’ve been a horrible friend lately, I still consider your ass family and if you can somehow disconnect from Cain for a few hours, I’d really appreciate it if you’d come with me. >>Beni _

_ I want you to meet her. Pam’s out of town or I would have asked her >> Beni  _

Beni knew she was being mean but it wasn’t her fault she was feeling a little abandoned. She didn’t think she’d be completely thrown to the side once Amara found another bed partner. Said bed partner just so happened to turn into a serious boyfriend too. She could see Amara typing and Beni shook her head, quickly sending another message before Amara’s could make it through.

_ Nevermind Mari, sorry I bugged ya. Tell Cain I said hi >>Beni _

_ I will be there...ALONE and we will talk, text me the details. > Amara _

_ Okay cool. Meet me at the Roadhouse around 6. Deanna wants me there a little later but that will give us time to talk. >> Beni _

_ I’ll be there. >>Amara _

  
  


* * *

  
  


Deanna checked herself over in the mirror and normally, she’d pat herself on the back and say something along the lines of  _ ‘still got it, Winchester _ ,’ but looking at the image she made wasn’t particularly pleasing. She was a nervous wreck and she knew it but she was about to meet one of the few people Beni considered family and she felt entirely unworthy. 

She set the camera on a timer in her phone, started putting in her earrings, and rushed the finished product off to Charlie. 

_ Is this okay? >>Deanna _

_ Of course it is! You look adorable. But...do you like it? Are you comfortable in it? >>Charlie _

_ Not really comfortable in anything right now. >> Deanna  _

_ I just don’t want to ruin this. >>Deanna _

_ Sweetie, you’re not going to ruin it. >>Charlie _

_ Why don’t you wear that skirt you have? I saw the way Beni looked at you when you were in it. And oooh your combat boots too. >> Charlie _

Deanna considered it, and she loved how sweet Charlie was being about it but she took another look at herself and decided against it. This might be a little less natural for her, but she wanted to show an effort. If not for Amara, at least for Beni. She wanted Beni to know that she cared enough to pull something nice together and make herself look a little classier. 

_ Thanks for the advice Charls, but I think, I’m gonna stick with this. >>Deanna _

_ Feeling comfortable isn’t really something I’m going to be able to achieve so I might as well make myself up a bit. >>Deanna _

_ See you soon. >>Deanna _

_ Alright, see you there! >>Charlie  _

Charlie looked up from her phone and sighed. She was praying tonight would go well but she knew their family and just how...overbearing they could be. The break up with Cassidy only made things worse. She waved to Jo who was outside taking a break and was nearly to the door to the roadhouse when she stopped. Across the parking lot she spotted Beni near her motorcycle and she almost went over only to stop again. There was another woman with her. For a split second rage swirled in her stomach.

“Oh,” she groaned, annoyed with herself. That had to be Amara, Beni’s best friend. She had to get herself under control but if she was feeling this way...she didn’t want to know what the rest of the family was feeling.

Beni glanced over her shoulder, the red of Charlie’s hair nearly a damn beacon. She raised a hand in a wave, laughing a little when Charlie did the same before scurrying into the diner.

“So...what divine creature should I give an offering to be in your presence?” Beni teased with only a slight bit of bitterness in her tone.

Amara started to snark back but instead, her face went soft. Beni wasn’t teasing her, she was hurt. “I’m sorry Beni, I truly am. I wasn’t intentionally trying to cut you out,” she said, pulling her into a hug. “Here, I brought you something.” 

Beni shook her head but accepted the gift anyway. She didn’t know what to expect. Amara was pretty creative with her presents, especially when she was feeling guilty about something. And this time wasn’t any different. Inside the box was a beautiful bowie knife with a stag antler handle. The sheath was a dark burgundy stressed leather and Beni felt her throat lock up a bit.

“Thanks Mari,” She said drawing her in for a tight hug,”And thank you for coming tonight.” She handed the box to Amara so she could attach the new knife to her belt, making sure it wasn’t in the way of her arms.

“You deserve it, I’ve been an awful friend lately and I didn’t realize how much until after we talked earlier,” she confessed, kissing gently at Beni’s forehead. “Let’s go have a drink so I can grovel a bit, what do you say?” 

“Sounds good,” Beni said, wrapping her arm around her shoulders. They walked together into the diner, Beni raising her hand in a wave to a few that she already knew. There were a few glares thrown her way that Beni quickly ignored. She lead them to the bar where she ordered a few shots of whiskey.

“So, how are you and Cain?” She asked.

“He’s fine, but that’s not what tonight is about,” Amara said, raising a brow to let Beni know she wasn’t falling for that particular trap, however unintentional. “Tell me about your girl, things must be going well if you’re...well  _ here _ going through all this.” 

Beni downed a shot, “Things are great. It’s weird cause I don’t ever remember feeling this comfortable in a relationship before. Not even with Pam,” she said chewing on her bottom lip, “I can be myself and I love that we can just stay in and relax on the couch as a date rather than constantly going out,” she said softly. Thankfully Deanna had finally understood that Beni was being honest about that whole thing. They still went out, even daring a dance club one night (that resulted in one of the best make out sessions between them) but most of the time they would stay in. Beni loved it.

“You look good, look  _ happy _ , settled even,” Amara answered. “I mean sure, I can see you’re nervous, but underneath all that you look like you’re at peace. It’s a good look on you.” 

“Might wanna take it easy on the booze though, wouldn’t want a shot of courage to turn into a bottle of confessions,” Amara grinned, taking the other two for herself. Beni glared back at her, “What? I don’t have anyone to impress.” 

“You know it takes a hell of a lot more than two shots to get me even buzzed,” she said snatching one and downing it quickly. It would be her last for the evening.

“So, are you going to be nice tonight? Don’t think I don’t remember how you meeting Pam the first time went,” she laughed.

“I’ll behave, maybe I would have given her some grief if I wasn’t feeling so guilty but I don’t want to do that to you, not tonight anyway. There will be time for that later,” she promised, ignoring the way everyone seemed to be staring at them. 

“We’re about to close early, just thought you ladies should know,” Jo said, only to be pulled back harshly by Charlie. 

“Jo, that’s Beni,” she hissed with a roll of her eyes, “Sorry Beni, you must be Amara. I’m Charlie, Dee’s best friend,” she said.

Beni frowned at Jo. The girl already knew who she was, her and Deanna had come to the roadhouse several times and had been introduced to the blonde the very first time she was brought here. Jo sneered at her before walking away with a flip of her hair.

“Well, that was...dramatic,” Amara said under her breath though it seemed the redhead had still managed to hear her. Feeling the already intense guilt start to grow, she quickly apologized and held out her hand. “Sorry, I didn’t catch your name before.”

“It’s not your fault, Jo’s a little...difficult sometimes. Especially when it comes to Deanna. I’m Charlie,” she said shaking Amara’s hand.

“I knew she didn’t like me before but damn,” Beni sighed. She didn’t let it bother her for too long though. It wasn’t anyone’s fault that they were hella protective over Deanna. She’d heard from not only Deanna but from Charlie just how bad it was when Cassidy was in the picture. Hell, if she were in Charlie’s position she’d punch the next girl in the throat.

“Anyway, have you heard from Dee? She okay?” Beni asked.

Charlie smiled with a nod, “She’s good. She should be pulling up any moment now,” she said.

“Oh man Mari, you gotta see her car. You think my bikes hot...mmm,” Beni groaned, smirking at the huge eye roll from her best friend.

“I’m sure it has nothing to do with the driver,” Amara said, as she focused her attention back onto the room. It wasn’t exactly welcoming, but she’d take it. Hell, she might even be a little jealous she couldn’t give back the same feeling that a guard dog was watching over them. 

“Oh it has  _ everything _ to do with the driver,” Beni grinned. As if on cue, a deep rumble could be heard from outside and Beni nearly fell getting off the stool so quickly, “You good here by yourself for a second?” she asked.

“Uh, yeah…” Amara said, surprised at how quickly Beni was up and out the door. 

“Well, looks like it’s just you and me red...how bout another shot, eh?” 

Beni left them to it as she rushed outside. When the vision that was Deanna stepped out of the car, Beni’s mouth dropped open and knew she should probably roll her tongue back in, “Wow...you look, gorgeous sweetheart,” she said the moment she was close enough to be heard.

“I know it’s kind of a laid back thing but I wanted to put in the effort...you’re sure it’s okay?” Deanna asked, not really sure why she was asking. Beni had already given her plenty of approval but the nerves were relentless. 

“I uh, I got you this,” she said, handing over a small planted orchid. 

“Aw babe, thank you,” she said, leaning in for a small kiss, “And you look perfect,” she said against her lips, one arm wrapping around Deanna’s waist while the other took up the plant, “I got you somethin too sweetheart,” she said with a shy smile.

“Oh?” Deanna perked up. 

Beni nodded, taking up Deanna’s hand she lead her over to the bike. There was a small cooler in one of the saddle bags and from it she pulled out a small arrangement of wildflowers, “Here you go sweetheart,” she said, blushing slightly.

“Oh Beni!” Deanna’s eyes went wide. “They’re perfect.” 

She felt her own nerves start to ease down a bit as Beni grabbed at her hand and pulled her in. Deanna let herself be kissed gladly, but pulled away much too soon. “We should probably get in there.” 

Beni sighed, pouting playfully, “I guess so,” she said leaning in for one more kiss. The hands that weren’t clutching their gifts were clenched tightly and soon they were inside the diner. Thankfully Amara was still talking to Charlie, Jo keeping her distance from them.

“C’mon,” she said, gently tugging at Deanna’s hand, “Amara, I’d like to finally meet my girlfriend Deanna,” she said.

“Hi,” she answered, feeling more shy than she’d ever been in her damn life. 

“Hello, Deanna. I’ve heard a lot of good things about you. I’m hoping we’ll be friends,” she replied, trying to set the girl at ease. She was like a panicked rabbit ready to run and Amara didn’t want to do anything to further upset Beni. 

“Okay, yeah. That would be nice,” Deanna answered, “I know how important you are to Beni and I wouldn’t want anything to get in the way of that.” 

For a brief second, Amara thought Deanna was hiding something behind that statement but when she looked into those big green eyes, all she saw staring back at her was sincerity and warmth. “Good, I wouldn’t either.” 

Beni smiled at the two of them, her fingers squeezing gently at Deanna’s side. She knew Deanna accepted her strange friendship with Amara, didn’t even flinch when Beni explained how they’d been before they got together and before Beni had introduced Amara to Cain. Still, it had to be weighing on Deanna a bit. Beni leaned in and kissed her temple, “We should definitely do some kind of double date soon. I haven’t seen Cain since you got him in your clutches,” she teased, this time without any of the lingering bitterness.

“Oooh those are pretty! I’ll put them in the back so they don’t get squished,” Charlie said, suddenly popping up by them. She snatched up the two different flowers and disappeared again. 

Deanna frowned a bit when Charlie walked off with her gorgeous bouquet but she understood. It was probably for the best anyway. 

“Can we get some food over here? The service is awful this joint,” Deanna called out, teasing her family.

“You’ll wait your damn turn Deanna Michelle and be happy about it,” Ellen called back. 

Beni chuckled along with the others. Soon the doors were locked and tables with food on them were brought out. Beni rolled up the sleeves of her shirt and immediately jumped in to help with some of the tables. 

“Damn that girl has some muscles,” Charlie said, eyes going wide. 

“Mmm...I know right?” Deanna hummed in approval and then flushed when she saw Amara raise an eyebrow.

“I’m sure she’d be happy to know you feel that way, Deanna.”

“Dee, my friends call me Dee. Well, most of them.”

Beni smiled over at Ellen who thanked her for the help before waving her off. She sauntered back towards her girlfriend and best friend, her cheeks warming at the almost hungry look Deanna was giving her.

“How’s my girl doin? You want a drink?” Beni asked kissing at Deanna’s cheek.

“Maybe a beer, but I can get it. You two talk while I go lecture those assholes about how  _ not _ to act when meeting my girlfriend;” Deanna answered, gripping at Beni’s hand and squeezing before she left. 

Deanna walked toward the back to thank Ash for cooking for them, it smelled amazing and she knew it would be ready soon. When she got there though, Jo was glaring through the pickup window.

“Seriously, Jo?” she hissed. 

“What?” Jo answered, shrugging her shoulders as she turned to get back to work.

“Look I get it, Cas messed me over but you can’t take it out on the whole rest of the world Jo,” Deanna said, shaking her head at her adopted sister. “Beni hasn’t done anything wrong and we can’t hold her responsible for the shit Cas pulled.”

Deanna felt herself start to growl a bit, the idea of someone so close to her showing such prejudice against Beni settles wrong in her stomach. “Grow up and get over it Joanna.”

“Then who is that chick she brought in? Seems awfully close with her. So sorry I’m just looking out for you and don’t want someone taking advantage of you again!” Jo yelled, slamming down the wooden spoon she had in her hand.

“I can’t deal with this shit right now,” Deanna huffed. “If you wanna pout like a princess, then sit your ass down and stay in here. But, If you think you can manage to fucking  _ support _ me, then you can join the rest of us.”

“Dee….c'mon…” but Deanna was already out of the kitchen.

Beni watched as Deanna stormed out from behind the bar and gently reached for her only to hold her hands up in surrender when Deanna spun on her.

“Just me darlin, you okay?” she asked calmly.

“Yeah, just family bullshit. Sorry, Ben.”

Deanna allowed her girlfriend to pull her into her arms and wrap around her. The solid form of Beni’s body felt like coming home and she felt safe and protected in her embrace. “C’mon, I’ll introduce you to everyone.” 

Deanna cleared her throat loudly, making everyone turn toward her. “Guys, this is Beni and her friend Amara. Ladies, That’s Ellen,”

“Hi girls, go ahead and have a seat,” Ellen said, gesturing toward the barstool.

“Charlie you know…”

“Hi,” she answered with a big smile and a wave.

“That’s Ash behind the grill.”

“Hola mi amigas!” he called out.

“And I’m guessing Bobby and my kid sister Sammy will be here soon,” Deanna finished. 

“Behave, please….” she said, pleading with her eyes. 

Beni laughed a little when the members of Deanna’s family rolled their eyes. It was playful but Beni knew how much it was bothering Deanna. She squeezed at her girlfriend’s hand as they continued to walk around for introductions. 

“When is Sam-”

“Hey guys!” 

“Oh, there she is, finally,” Charlie said shaking her head. She bounded over to give Samantha and their Uncle Bobby a hug.

“Holy sh-...that’s your  _ younger _ sister?” Beni asked, her eyes going wide at the amazon looking woman walking their way. She was tall, taller than both of them with long chestnut brown hair that swung in a braid down to her waist.

“Hey Dee!” Samantha exclaimed, giving what had to be his sister’s girlfriend a smile before drawing Deanna in for a hug.

“Hey Sammy,” Deanna said, shaking her head. “Beni, this Sasquatch is my sister, Sam, meet Beni.” 

Beni went for a handshake only to find herself pulled in for a hug. She laughed softly and squeezed the taller girl back. It was the warmest greeting she’d gotten so far besides Charlie.

“I’ve heard so much about you, it’s really nice to finally meet. Oh and it’s Sam or Samantha,” Samantha said giving her sister a playful glare.

“That’s right, only I get to call her Sammy,” Deanna started, grinning up at Samantha’s bitch face. “Of course that’s also because I can still kick her ass, even if I have to stand on a chair to do it.”

Beni threw her head back laughing, “Oh man, I would love to see that!” she chuckled. The call for food was finally made and Beni wrapped her arm around Deanna’s shoulder as they followed everyone else. She was introduced to Bobby in the line, not taking offense one bit at the grouse noise he made or the mere nod. From everything she’d heard about him from Deanna, she knew that was just how he was.

Beni piled up her plate, nearly needing a second one. It didn’t go unnoticed by her at the several cajun dishes. She’d have to do something nice for Ellen as a thank you, “Damn...I need to put this down for more,” she laughed. She glanced at Deanna’s plate and frowned. There was barely anything on it. Leaning in she kissed at Deanna’s neck, “Baby, you don’t gotta be shy about eating. Unless you’re actually not hungry,” she whispered.

“I’m fine, I just...I’m nervous and that doesn’t mix well with a full stomach and beer,” she confessed quietly. “I’ll eat more after we go home.”

Deanna realized the slip immediately and started to correct herself even though it felt a bit wrong. “I-meant m- _ mine _ , my place.” 

Beni gave her a warm smile and kissed the corner of her mouth. As she pulled away she gave her girlfriend a wink and continued down the line of food. After Beni had two very full plates she sat down at the table with Deanna, Charlie, Samantha, Bobby and unfortunately, Jo. Beni was trying really hard to like the girl but there were only so many sneers she could take.

“Alright everyone, tuck in!” Ellen called out with a huge smile. Beni’s stomach growled loudly, sending the table into a fit of laughter.

“God, this looks so good. Not sure where to even start,” Beni groaned. The stir fry was calling her name and she turned her plate to start digging in.

“At least this one actually has an appetite, doesn’t eat like a damn bird like Ca-ouch shit Charlie!” Samantha growled.

Beni stared at the younger Winchester, her mouth full of food while next to her Deanna tensed so much it must have hurt. Beni reached under the table to squeeze at her thigh, leaving her hand there to give her some kind of comfort.

“Yeah, she’s not like  _ Cas _ in a lot of ways, let’s be grateful for that and move on,” Deanna said, before stabbing some vegetables brutally with her fork. 

“Sammy, how’s school?” Deanna asked, knowing it would shift the focus off of them, even if only for a short while. 

Samantha opened her mouth to apologize but quickly shut it, clearing her throat to answer the question directed at her instead, “It’s uh, it’s good. I know everyone still wants me to keep studying law but I think I finally found my niche,” she said with a timid smile.

Charlie rolled her eyes, “You mean you found a pretty girl with blond hair and a killer rack?” she laughed.

Samantha blushed crimson, “No-”

“No, more like she’s brunette, cute, sassy and has been playing our dear sister here with a bit of hard to get,” Jo piped in, grinning at Samantha’s face.

“Oh leave her alone, it’s not her fault that Eileen hasn’t fallen for the simple ‘Winchester’ charm,” Ellen snarked as she passed by.

“Why is everyone picking on me all the sudden!” Samantha cried.

“Because, I’m the pretty one and everyone likes me better,” Deanna teased, smirking at the look Sam gave her. “So what’s the hold up? Need me to give you some pointers again?”

“I...I um...Oh God,” Samantha groaned hiding her face. Charlie and Jo shared a look, their teasing grins turning a bit more softer...fond.

“Eileen’s deaf. She can read lips but Samantha here wants to learn sign language to properly ask her out,” Charlie explained.

Beni’s head jerked up and smiled wide, “Dude…” she laughed and started to sign  _ I can teach you how to sign. _

Samantha stared at her with wide eyes, her fork falling back onto her plate, “Dee, I am in love with your girlfriend right now.”

“Mine,” Deanna said without looking up from her plate, “get your own, Sammy!” 

She wanted to say something, but the emotion of it all overwhelmed her and made it difficult to speak. She couldn’t tell Beni how much it meant to her that she was so willingly donating her time and attention to teach Sam, to  _ help Sam,  _ without hesitation. It was somehow everything she’d always wanted from Cas and never got. Cas hadn’t liked Sam, and after a while, Sammy stopped trying. It had broken Deanna’s heart more that Cas didn’t seem to care, than it did when she left.

Samantha laughed brightly, her head falling back, “Oh man, Beni this is going to be so awesome,” she said and quickly began chattering away about Eileen. 

Beni listened intently, her heart squeezing when Deanna squeezed at her wrist that was still on Deanna’s thigh. She must have done something good and went back to listening to Samantha rattle on about her crush.

“Listen, you’re welcome to come by the shop anytime and I’ll teach ya in between clients,” she said pushing her first plate away. The second plate was seriously calling her name but her stomach was so full. She was going to have to work out non stop after this.

“Shop?” Samantha asked just as Jo asked, “Clients?”

“Guys, I told you. Beni owns her own tattoo parlor, that’s where I met Dory,” Charlie explained, her patience waning at the two of them. She understood they had their own lives but sometimes it royally pissed her off that they didn’t pay attention to any of the details.

“Oh! I’ve always wanted a tattoo,” Samantha sighed.

Dean bit back the immediate,  _ NO _ that came screaming in her mind. It sounded a lot like her father’s voice, so at least she didn’t have to wonder where it came from. Glad that she stopped herself, she realized that Beni would never agree to do anything that wouldn’t look beautiful...not to mention Sammy was grown now, free to make her own choices. 

“That’s the place to go if you really want one,” Deanna said quietly, before pulling a drink from her beer.

Samantha nodded happily, “This is awesome, now I know someone I can trust with a tattoo!” she said with a wide grin.

Beni’s eyes widened and swallowed hard, “Yep. Like I said, you can stop by whenever,” she said.

* * *

  
  
  


The rest of the night went off without a hitch. There were some random comments that Beni could have gone without, ones that compared her to Cassidy but she shook them off. They were good comparisons though, putting Beni above the other girl. It wasn’t a competition and that wasn't the goal for tonight but she couldn't deny that it felt great that Deanna’s family approved of her and liked her over the ex.

They were getting ready to leave, Beni’s arms full of leftovers that she was unwilling to share with Amara. Even if she pouted at her all pathetically. She kissed her best friend on the cheek and made her promise to make more time for Beni so they could talk. Once Amara’s Jag was out of sight Beni turned to Deanna and grinned, “Do you mind transporting these? I didn’t think about it when Ellen handed them to me,” she laughed.

“Sure thing, just put them in the back and follow me to my place,” Deanna said, holding the back door of her baby open for Beni. She bit her lip and thought hard about everything that happened and wrapped herself around Beni once her arms were emptied.

“Actually could you maybe give me a ten-minute head start?” 

Beni wanted to ask why but quickly decided against it. Instead, she hugged Deanna tightly and then tilted her face up for a chaste kiss, “Mmhmm. I’ll stop by mine for a second, should give you enough time,” she said, dragging her thumb across Deanna’s cheek bone.

“Grab an overnight bag?” Deanna asked, though her voice was a little more shaky than usual. Beni had spent a lot of nights at her place, curled up together as they slept. But nothing like what Deanna was planning for later. 

“You got it sweetheart. See you in a few?” Beni said leaning in for another kiss. Though this was one was vastly different. It was filled with a promise that had Beni clutching around her girlfriend’s body, pulling her in close until they were flush together, “Mmm, yeah okay...in a few,” she laughed nuzzling their noses a bit before reluctantly pulling away.

Deanna smiled softly to herself as she made the short drive back to her apartment. It had been a long time since she’d been intimate with anyone, not since Cas left, not since a while  _ before _ Cas left. She was a little nervous but with Beni, she felt mostly calm and comfortable. She knew that no matter what she decided she wanted to give, it would be enough and that meant everything for a girl like Deanna. 

She rushed through the apartment straightening everything up, even though it didn’t need much. Beni was used to her base level of clutter so she didn’t make too much of an effort for it all but she did want it to not be a complete mess. Deanna headed toward the bedroom, taking digging out a couple of the scented candles her misguided sister had given her for her birthday a few years prior. She found a lighter in the nightstand where Beni sometimes kept her clove cigarettes and lit them up. 

Deanna stepped into her closet and pulled out the small drawer where she kept her lingerie and bit her lip. She tried to imagine what Beni might like best but when she truly thought about it she knew that it wouldn’t matter, her girlfriend would love whatever she wore and that made the decision all that much easier. 

She tugged all of her clothes off quickly and slipped into the first babydoll nightie that she could grab and started working on her hair a little so it wasn’t as flat from having it pulled up. 

Once she was ready, Deanna climbed on top of her covers and tried to display herself in a sexy way. Though eventually she just decided to lie back on the pillows and wait.

The minutes seemed to slow by until she eventually got frustrated and reached for her phone to give herself something to do. When she saw the time hadn’t been as slow as she imagined, worry and insecurity settled in her stomach quickly. 

_ Babe? You get caught in traffic? >>Deanna _

Ten minutes passed, no response. 

_ Beni? Change your mind? It’s okay, just tell me… please. >>Deanna _

Another ten…

_ Okay I’m starting to freak out, could you maybe text me back and just let me know you’re okay? >>Deanna _

She bit her lip and sent out a quick message to Charlie.

_ Did you hear anyone say anything weird to Beni tonight? >> Deanna _

_ No? You guys left with smiles so I thought things went really well! >> Charlie _

_ Why what's wrong?>> Charlie. _

_ She seemed okay but she was supposed to be here almost an hour ago and she’s not here. >>Deanna _

_ That's weird >> Charlie _

_ Maybe message her friend Amara? >> Charlie _

The anxiousness in her stomach only deepened but she took her advice. 

_ I hate to bother you, but have you heard from Beni? >>Deanna  _

_ She was supposed to be here like an hour ago and I’m getting worried. >>Deanna _

_ She messaged me a little over an hour ago telling me how happy she was. That tonight went so well and that she was headed to your place. << Amara _

_ She really isn't there yet?! >> Amara _

_ That's not like her… >> Amara _

Deanna clicked the call button immediately and rushed back toward the closet to pull on a pair of jeans. She needed to get dressed as quickly as possible. Maybe if she headed back toward Beni’s apartment...maybe she was just having bike trouble or, or she got caught up behind something.

‘Yeah, that’s it,’ she told herself though the knot in her stomach grew tighter. 

She heard a faint sound through the speaker. “Oh, oh hello? Sorry Amara I was just going to grab my keys so I could head out and look for her.” 

“Deanna…” Amara took in a steady breath, her hands trembling as she grabbed up her purse, “You...you need to get to the hospital. Beni’s been in an accident,” Amara said, her throat closing up at that word... _ accident _ . 

“No, no she’s probably just caught in traffic or...or maybe a flat tire or something,” Deanna said, willing herself not to believe the words spoken over the line as her whole body began to shake. “I’ll go look, Amara...I’ll go look and she’ll be okay, just held up...just a little late…”

Amara stopped, she had to. The way Deanna’s voice was shaking had the last of her own resolve crumbling, she choked on a sob and shook her head, “No...Dee...no. She...the hospital just called me. I’m her emergency contact,” Amara blew out a breath and wiped at her eyes, “She’s been rushed to the emergency room.”

Deanna crumpled into a heap on the floor, her knees refused to hold her under the weight of Amara’s declaration. “No, no no...no she’s...she’s coming here, she’s..we were…”

The rest of whatever she was going to say fell away as a few choked out sobs harshly pushed through her throat and escaped. “I can’t-I-can’t-”

Amara could hold herself together for only so long, Deanna’a cries were making it incredibly difficult and she needed to get to the hospital, “Deanna, I can come by and pick you up or you can call one of your friends, Charlie maybe? To get you to the hospital. You shouldn’t be driving like this but you need to be there,” she said softly.

When she was finally able, Deanna came back to herself and responded. “I-yeah, yeah okay I can do that...which one?” she said softly, her throat burning raw with the urge to scream. She listened well enough to hear the name of the hospital before agreeing to be there as soon as possible and letting Amara go so she could get on the road. 

She thought about texting Charlie but instead she just tapped the phone icon beside her name. 

“Dee? Hey did you figure what happened?” Charlie asked.

“Charls, I-I need a ride to the hos-hospital,” Deanna said quietly, her trembling voice full of fear and a bunch of other things she couldn’t name. 

She was going to be sick. 

“Please, please hurry,” she said, before quickly hanging up and rushing toward the bathroom. 

Once her stomach was emptied of what little dinner she’d eaten, Deanna rinsed her mouth out with scope and tried to hold herself up on the sink’s edge. The white porcelain was probably cool against her fingers but she felt numbed everywhere and couldn’t actually register anything beyond how weird it was that she should be able to feel it and couldn’t. 

Deanna felt as if she was breathing underwater, bubbles slowly escaping her lips, the world around her sounded like it was off in the distance, barely even a memory. The sheer terror inside her was overloading everything else.

“Never made sense, too good for me, didn’t deserve it, punishment, it’s punishment for overreaching, should have learned my lesson,” she said over and over again, a small mantra supplied easily from her brain. 

Charlie barely had a second to make sense of what Deanna had said before she was tearing out of the apartment. She raced over to Deanna’s as quickly as she could, throwing the car in park to get up to Deanna’s door. When there was no answer to her knocking, she found her copy of the key and let herself in.

“Dee?” she called out. There was a soft murmuring that she followed into the bathroom.

_ punishment, it’s punishment for overreaching, should have learned my lesson _

Charlie gasped and rushed forward, “Dee? Hey, it’s just me. You shush now, okay? C’mon, lets get you changed and we’ll get to the hospital,” she said, gently grabbing at Deanna’s shoulders to lead her back into the bedroom.

Deanna followed Charlie’s voice, though it seemed to be barely a whisper over the hum of everything else in her ears. She felt hands on her, warm and cautious but she cooperated as best she could. Her body was moving but Deanna felt like a puppet who’d had its strings cut. Everything she did took more than the usual amount of effort and yet she still felt as if she wasn’t doing anything at all. 

“ _ Too _ good,  _ too  _ happy,  _ I _ don’t get that, don’t deserve it,” Deanna thought, the truth of the words ringing straight through to her core. “My fault, ‘s all my fault.” 

Charlie swallowed hard, the words coming out of her best friend’s mouth had her wanting to punch something but instead she cupped Deanna’s face and forced her to look at her, “You listen to me, right now Deanna Winchester. Whatever happened, is NOT your fault. You deserve to be happy, you deserve all the good things in this word but shit happens. That does not make it your fault,” she said through clenched teeth. She knew it would fall on deaf ears. Wasn’t the first time she had this conversation with her best friend. 

Somehow she managed to get Deanna dressed in something comfortable and then ushered her out of the apartment. She knew whatever happened, it wasn’t Samantha or anyone in the family. It  _ had _ to be Beni and that sent a whole other wave of grief through her. She wanted to ask what happened but the fear of Deanna shutting down even further stopped her.

They got to the hospital a few minutes later and Charlie helped Deanna get inside, her eyes scanning for Amara or anyone else they knew. Then again...Beni said she only had two people she considered family. The thought made Charlie swallow hard but she pushed it away, the need to find where Beni was, was more important.

“Hi, we need to know where Beni Lafitte is,” she asked.

“Are you family?” she clerk asked, barely looking up. Charlie opened her mouth to answer when someone quickly cut her off.

“May as well be,” Pamela said giving the lady behind the desk a dirty look, “This is probably the shittiest way to meet someone but hey, I’m Pam,” she said with a grim look.

Deanna registered the fact that someone new was speaking to her but her mind was still locked up tight and underwater. She needed Beni, what would she be without her? She couldn’t lose herself again, not with Beni too. There’d be nothing left of her this time, not a single shred of herself could stay behind if her heart was beating solely for someone else. 

Pamela swallowed hard at the hollow Deanna looked. She only knew what the blonde looked like from photos Amara had sent her from only a few fucking hours ago. How fate could be this god damn cruel....Beni was finally happy! Settled, comfortable enough to not only introduce Amara but admit how physical their relationship had been? Maybe it didn’t mean that much to most but to their small, tiny family it meant everything. 

She kept her head up though, her resolve a steel rod going right through her heart but she had to keep it together for all of them, like she always did.

“Wait...Pamela. You’re...you’re Beni’s ex slash best friend?” Charlie asked.

“Mmhmm, the one and only. C’mon, Mari’s this way,” she said with a deep sigh. It was slow, Deanna barely moving on her own but they made it to the ICU wing where Amara was slumped down in a chair, Cain sitting beside her with his hand rubbing her back. The man looked like he’d been run over and left for dead with how pale he was. Much like her own, all of their eyes were red rimmed.

“What...what happened?” Charlie asked, her stomach roiling when she realized where they were. She prayed Deanna was too numb to even read the signs.

Pamela rubbed at her face, “They’re not wanting to tell us much but since Amara and I are listed as Beni’s only living family, they had to. She was uh…” she started, looking over at Amara before continuing, “She was on her way to Deanna’s when a truck...a fucking drunk piece of shit, swerved over the island and slammed into her,” she said, voice locking up for a moment.

“They won’t let us see her,” Amara growled, anger coursing through her. Enough blame to go around, the truck driver of course shared most of it but since he wasn’t actually  _ there _ she had to take it out where she could and the doctors and nurses not allowing her in that goddamn room was driving her up a wall. 

Charlie made sure Deanna was sitting before turning back to the two women, “Wait, why? If you’re listed as family, they  _ have _ to let you in!” she exclaimed, her face growing hot with her own rage. Beni was alone, probably scared if she was even conscious and probably had no idea that her family was trapped in the stupid waiting room!

“Well one, she’s in surgery right now. Amara’s upset that they wouldn’t let us see her before she was even taken in there. Don’t get me wrong Mari, I am too but one of us has to stay level headed,” she said softly, reaching out to take Amara’s hand to squeeze at her fingers.

Amara huffed, “I  _ offered _ to scrub in,” she answered through gritted teeth. 

Pam’s hand in hers though, it did a lot to ease the tension she felt twisting in her stomach. Nothing like seeing Beni would do, but it was  _ something _ . 

“I know babe,” Pamela said. Leaning down to kiss Amara’s forehead before letting Cain take hold of her hand again. 

“How serious are we talking here?” Charlie asked quietly, glancing over at Deanna for a moment. Pamela did the same and swallowed hard.

“They don’t know yet. I only saw a glimpse of her before they had to drag me out. She...she doesn’t look good,” she said, letting her head fall for a second, allowing herself one brief moment to choke out a sob.

“She’ll be okay...she has to. There’s no way in fucking hell her time is up,” she said through gritted teeth.

“Are you Beni Lafitte’s family?” a voice called out from behind them. It was the same nurse, a short portly woman who managed to single-handedly drag Pamela out of the ICU. 

“Yes, we are,” she answered.

“Your girl sustained several injuries in the accident but we managed to stop the internal bleeding and reset the fractures. She’s out of surgery, and though it was more intensive than planned, she seems to be recovering at a normal pace,” she paused, looking out at the sea of terrified faces. “She’s not completely out of the woods just yet, we’ll run some more tests when she’s awake but for now, it’s the best we could have hoped for.” 

“Can we see her,  _ please _ ,” Amara answered with a growl. “I just need to see her, I need-I need to be in there with her, even if she’s out of it.” 

“You can go in, one at a time and only for a few minutes each. She needs rest and we aren’t sure when the anesthesia is going to wear off but we can’t have her waking up to a bunch of ruckus.” 

“Thank you, thank you so much,” Pamela said, the relief almost too much. She turned to Amara and cupped her face, “Go, you see her first. I’ll try to talk to Deanna,” she said. Once Amara was off, nearly storming down the hall Pamela moved to kneel down in front of Deanna.

“Hey...you in there?” she asked with a small smile.

Deanna blinked a few times, felt Charlie tug at her arm a little but it was still a faint picture of what it should have been. She knew she’d checked out, that she wasn’t in a right mind but going back, going back meant she wasn’t at home in her black negligee and that Beni wasn’t just running a few minutes behind schedule...going back meant Beni could be taken from her and Deanna wasn’t ready for that. 

Pamela gently touched the side of Deanna’s cheek and smiled at the slight flutter of her eyes, “Hey there beautiful. Beni’s going to be okay. You hear me? She’s gonna be okay. They’re letting us see her and I know how much it would mean to her that you did. If you can’t though, everyone will completely understand,” she said softly.

“Beni,” Deanna’s rough voice choked out, the sound was still far away but the emotions were rising back up inside her. It was too much, flashes of the time they shared together over the last few months were back in technicolor but Deanna flinched instead of smiling. Some part of her realized that everything wasn’t happy, it wasn’t okay. “Don’t deserve it, don't-, ‘s all my fault.” 

“Alright sugar, I’m gonna have to ask you to stop that bullshit right now,” Pamela demanded with a raised brow. How the two most damaged people managed to find each other...she shook her head and grasped at Deanna’s hands.

“You listen to me. This was not your fault Deanna. This was the doing of some drunk prick who thought his next drink was far more important than someone else's life. I know it’s hard but you have to find your big girl panties and get up. Either make the decision to see your girlfriend or not,” she said firmly.

Charlie nudged her best friend and squeezed at the hand in hers, “Dee... _Beni_ _needs you_.” 

Deanna heard those words clearly while the rest was still a bit fuzzy, she started to come back to herself, to acknowledge her pain and push through it. It wasn’t easy, she wanted to just crawl back into the corners of her mind but if Beni needed her, Deanna was  _ not _ going to disappoint her. 

Not again. 

She blinked a few times and then the overwhelming feeling of  _ loss _ and  _ heartache _ swam around inside her making her feel weak again, but she was there. Deanna’s voice was still rough and when she spoke it sounded like she was thirty years plus her age, but the words came out all the same. “Beni...where’s Beni, where is she?” 

Pamela nodded her thanks to Charlie and straightened up, “C’mon, this way.” Together they walked down the hall to where Beni’s room was. Amara was just coming out, her face pale and tears streaming down her face.

“Look, I don’t care what that nurse said, you should go in with her,” Pamela said to the redhead before hurrying after Amara.

“Okay, we can do this Dee,” Charlie whispered, pushing open the door for Deanna to slip into the room.

Part of her, hell _most_ of her didn’t want to go into that room. If she went in there, Beni would be there, but she wouldn’t be laughing or smiling, there wouldn’t be that brightness that always eased Deanna’s restless spirit. There would be bruises and tubes and other things and Beni would be in pain, even if she couldn’t feel it right in that moment and Deanna was terrified that she..that she wouldn’t even _be_ _there_ at all. 

She forced herself forward, feeling as if she was going to be sick again at any moment. Still she pushed through and walked closer, following Charlie’s lead toward the bed. There was a chair there, something Amara must have pulled over and Charlie half pushed her into it.

Tears began to stream down her face as she took in the sight of Beni’s broken body. “I’m so sorry, Beni..I-I’m so sorry, If I’d just let you come with me, If I-” she cut herself off as the intensity of what she felt closed her throat. 

Deanna reached out and took Beni’s hand in hers, it was cool, cold even and she hated it. Beni always had such warm hands. “Just come back...please, Just come back.” 

Beni was in a world of pain, but it was muted. She knew it was there, right underneath everything just waiting to be let out to overtake her body. It took a really long moment to remember everything. Everything was a haze in her mind, the images not making much sense but one was clear. Deanna. Deanna’s smile, the warmth of her lips against her own as they said goodbye. Then lights….and pain. 

The only thing she latched onto was that smile…

She groaned a little, her hands twitching a bit. There was something in her right one and she just  _ knew _ who’s it belonged to. She squeezed as much as she was able to, “Dee…” she tried to say but it came out as a strangled noise. There was something down her throat and instead of trying to figure out what it was she just let it go, too tired to reach for it.

Deanna wasn’t even sure if it was real but the squeeze to her hand settled something that had been chaotic inside her. She gasped, and spoke again. “Beni, Beni can you hear me? Please Ben, come back to me… I-” 

Deanna started to say she needed her but she stopped herself. It wasn’t about what  _ she _ needed. Beni needed to heal, needed rest, she would put that above everything else. “No, no it’s okay, just...just rest.” 

“Mmmm,” Beni hummed, squeezing at Deanna’s hand. She got her eyes to open for a split second, those beautiful green eyes peering down at her. She so badly wanted to talk, to just say anything but the thing in her damn throat made it too difficult. She knew Deanna wouldn’t understand it but she signed very lazily,  _ my beautiful girl _ . Sighing heavily, she fell back asleep.

“Holy shi-eeze, did you see that?” Charlie asked, stepping back a bit. Beni’s eyes had clearly opened. “Dee, I think she totally heard you!” 

Deanna nodded, the tears coming faster. “C’mon, let’s go…” she said, pulling Charlie back toward the door before running back to place a quick kiss to Beni’s cheek. “I’ll be back for you sweetheart, I’ll always come back to you.” 

* * *

  
  


The minutes poked by slowly, minutes felt like hours and hours like days. It took a long time but eventually, the lady in white and green scrubs came out and told them that Beni was awake and that if they could keep it calm and quiet, they were allowed to go in and visit with her. One at a time. 

Deanna looked to Amara and nodded. It was a simple gesture but Amara, who seemed to sigh in relief, knew exactly what it meant. She was the first to go in, it was only fair. Deanna thought maybe it was good for Pam to go next as well if she wanted but the woman already shook her head as if she could read her thoughts. 

Pamela reached over and squeezed at Deanna’s hand. She’d have her time with Beni but right now she knew her best friend needed to see Deanna before herself. It was a small hit to her pride that she would easily take. Amara was in the room for a while but when she finally emerged she looked almost faint with relief, “How is she?” Pamela asked.

“She’s up, talking, asking for Deanna…” Amara said, trying not to show the disappointment she felt when Beni’s first words had been a request for someone else. She understood it, she did, and she was so happy that her best friend had found someone that she needed that way but it didn’t mean part of her didn’t feel like it was a knock off her previous pedestal. 

“You should go in,” she said, “She’s waiting for you.” 

Deanna swallowed, but quickly got to her feet and moved toward the door. 

She stepped slowly into the room, poking her head in first, “You decent?” she asked, a creak in her voice from disuse. 

“As much as I can be,” Beni laughed softly, her heart aching at the very sight of Deanna, “C’mere baby,” she said opening her arms wide for her girlfriend.

Deanna barely resisted the urge to run to her, to run and fall into her and let her wrap those strong warm arms around her and protect her from everything else in the world. Instead though, she walked slowly and gently eased herself in against Beni, not wanting to add too much weight to any injuries that might be there. 

“Scared me, Ben...I’ve been a complete mess without you,” she whispered, breathing in the hint of Beni’s natural woodsy smell. Most everything was steril from the hospital cleaning agents and all that but there was a bit of that comforting scent left on her neck. 

“Mmm, I know sweetheart. I’m sorry about that,” Beni said, holding onto Deanna as long as she was able to. She ended up having to let go though, the angle probably playing hell on Deanna’s back, “Really fucking missed you,” she said bringing Deanna’s left hand up to her mouth.

“Missed you too, so glad you’re...you’re okay, Beni. You’re really okay...I kept thinking-” Deanna stopped herself, smiling a bit as the tears overwhelmed her eyelids. “It doesn’t matter. I’m just so damn grateful that you’re here and you’re okay. I-I can’t lose you, Beni.” 

Beni swallowed hard, somehow managing to scoot over to pull Deanna onto her bed, “I don’t care baby I need you right here,” she said, grunting a little in pain but she ignored it. Having Deanna warm against her was healing enough. She pressed her lips to the top of Deanna’s head and took in a deep breath, “I can’t lose you either cher,” she whispered.

“Then you should hurry up and get better and break out of this joint,” she said, her voice quivered a bit with everything she felt. “I might even consider nursing you back to health myself, if you’re lucky,” she teased, though the normal lusty heat wasn’t really there. 

Beni grinned, wiggling her eyebrows playfully, “That sounds amazing. Can you get the tiny nurses dress too?” she laughed at the scandalous look and winced, “Ow, no no no don’t move, please,” she begged, gently pulling Deanna back in, “I’m okay sweetheart, I promise. And yeah, I’m gonna kick this in the ass so we can get back to where we were. You just might have to deal with my gimpy ass for a bit,” she smiled.

“I’m okay with that...I’m  _ really _ okay with that. Though I might have to fight Amara for it,” she teased, “That woman is  _ scary _ when she wants to be.” 

Beni snorted, “That she can be. She was trying to boss my nurse around but Missouri leveled her with a look that made me want to cower,” she said shaking her head, “I heard you finally got to meet Pam too. Sorry it wasn’t sooner,” she said letting her head fall back against the pillow.

“You have nothing to apologize for, Ben...this whole thing, it’s been crazy, and not easy for any of us but none of it is your fault,” Deanna said, biting back her own insecurities. If she’d just let Beni follow her immediately, if she hadn’t been so caught up in  _ surprising _ her girlfriend none of this would have happened in the first place. “You’re tired, I can see that...let me go get Pam before you fall asleep and then I’ll come back, I don’t care what your nurse says.” 

“Good, miss you too much,” she said, yawning now that Deanna mentioned her being tired. She didn’t want to fall asleep alone though. Waking up by herself in the hospital room made her feel weird.

“I’ll be right back,” she said, climbing off the bed and dropping a soft kiss to Beni’s split lips. 

She went outside and motioned for Pam, relief sinking into every inch of her insides. It wasn’t pretty, Beni was scratched up and bruised and broken in a lot of places but she was there, real, warm against her and for Deanna, that was enough. 

Pam went into the room and spent a bit with her best friend, most of it just spent holding her hand to reassure herself that Beni was still there with them. She did let herself feel it though, finally letting the walls down enough to cry it out. Beni didn’t say a word, just pulled her in for a tight embrace. She was there for a total of fifteen minutes when she got up to leave.

“You’ve got a good girl out there Lafitte,” Pamela said.

Beni smiled wide, ignoring the pull at lips and squeezed Pamela’s hand, “Coming from you, that means a fucking lot,” she said. Pamela rolled her eyes fondly, giving her a kiss on the cheek before leaving the room.

“She’s all yours again. We’ll be back in the morning,” she said and wrapped her arm around Amara’s shoulders, “C’mon girl, let's go eat our feelings a bit shall we?” she grinned.

Amara started to pout but she realized Pam was right. Even if she wanted to stay, Beni...Beni wanted Deanna and she understood that. “Fine, but I’m having waffles...so you better start there.” 

Pamela threw her head back and laughed, “I will and if your boy’s willing maybe we can all work to get our minds off things,” she said giving Amara a slap on her ass before walking ahead of her.

“Well?” She turned to Cain with her big brown eyes shining. 

Cain eyed the two women and smirked. They were going to eat him alive but hell, he’d at least go down with a smile on his face, “Like you even have to ask,” he laughed getting up. He waved at Deanna before joining the other two, following them out of the hospital.

Deanna walked back into Beni’s room, “Were Amara and Pam ever..you know what, nevermind. I don’t want to know,” she said with a chuckle, making her way closer to Beni’s side. 

Beni snorted, pulling Deanna back onto the bed with her, “If you really wanna know I’ll tell ya,” she said rubbing at Deanna’s back, not content until she could touch at her skin. Missouri had given her a cross look when she practically begged for another blanket but had gotten it all the same. She pulled it over them so she could get her hands under Deanna’s shirt.

“So soft,” she said, nearly purring.

“You’re ridiculous,” she teased, though Deanna was just grateful that she could have this moment, that Beni was still there to try shamelessly to cop a feel in the damn hospital. “But if that’s what makes you feel better, who am I to argue.” 

Beni laughed softly, “Thanks for not mindin sweetheart. Been havin some bad dreams lately,” she said, ducking her face down a bit. She was trying to keep them to herself but she was quickly learning that it was becoming impossible to do that with Deanna.

“Nightmares are a bitch,” Deanna agreed, she’d had her fair share of night terrors. It had started when she was a child but went away for quite a few years. Of course anytime she hit one of her depression spells, they came back with an a vengeance. “Anything I can do to help?”

“I couldn't say no to more kisses,” she grinned, leaning down as much as she could to get one.

“Mmm, that and you just being here sweetheart. I just hope they discharge me soon.

“We will get you out of here as soon as you’re able, even if I have to bribe someone.” Deanna promised, kissing softly at Beni’s warm lips again. 

Beni nodded, holding Deanna close even as she nodded off for awhile. She woke up to hushed whispers between Deanna and what sounded like Missouri. 

“Don't care….want her here,” Beni grumbled sleepily. 

Deanna smiled, feeling her cheeks go red. “I can do that, I can do it all, I promise.” 

“Look, I know it's important that you guys do what you need to do but she doesn’t want to be here a second longer than absolutely necessary…” she started, “and you can’t tell me you don’t know that she’d heal faster, heal better if she was more comfortable, more at ease, and I can give her that.” 

Missouri regarded the young woman for a moment before nodding, “No matter what though, you need to bring her back for physical therapy you hear me?” Missouri asked.

“Whenever she needs to be here, I’ll make sure she’s here, scouts honor,” she said, holding up three fingers. She felt much calmer now that she’d spoken to the nurse and she seemed to understand that Beni wasn’t comfortable in the damn hospital bed. She’d still have to stay for a while until she was able to be moved around easily in a chair, and it was going to be a lot of therapy from what she could tell, but Beni was strong and a total badass and Deanna would give up  _ everything _ to see her better, healed and happy.

“Mmhmm, I'll take your word on it,” Missouri said, grabbing up her stuff before heading out of the room “I'll talk to the doc about getting her out of her sooner rather than later.”

“Thanks Missouri,” Deanna whispered, before easing herself back in against Beni’s side and curling gently in around her beautiful girlfriend. 

She held her there for hours, drifting off a bit herself as she waited for Beni to wake back up. The drugs that they must have had her on were pretty powerful if she was still out cold for more than six hours at a time. In all of the time they’d spent together Deanna had never witnessed Beni sleeping more than a few at a time. 

Beni grumbled something, probably not making any sense by the blurry version of Deanna's confused face.

“Thirsty,” she managed to get out, voice rough and feeling like sandpaper.

Deanna scrambled off the bed to reach for the glass of ice water she’d poured earlier. She offered Beni the tip of the straw and waited for a few beats as her girlfriend eased her raw throat. “Want me to get some more ice?”

“Please? Thank you baby,” Beni sighed. She was still tired and it was annoying. She knew her body was trying to heal but she wanted to stay awake for at least a few minutes.

“Of course, I’ll be right back,” Deanna said, stepping out into the hallway and taking the familiar path toward the ice machine. 

When she came back Amara was headed into the room and she smiled. “Go on in, I’m just going to add some ice to her water and I’ll let you two hang out.” 

“Thank you, Deanna..” 

“Sure, no problem.” 

Deanna pushed her way into the room and sighed softly at Beni who was lightly dozing. She refilled the cup with ice as quietly as she could and Amara seemed to take her cue to be quiet. 

“I’ll just head down to the cafeteria, try to find something edible… just send me a text or something before you leave.” 

Amara nodded and Deanna followed through on leaving, no matter how difficult it was to pull herself away. 

Beni struggled to open her eyes at the sound of Deanna’s voice, her need for cold water winning out a little. When she sat up though it was Amara she was seeing instead of her girlfriend. She frowned a little and wiped at her face, “Did...did I sleep that long?” she asked.

“No Beni, I just got here, Deanna just went to get some food.” Amara tried to hand the cup over gently but nearly dropped it when Beni tried to grab at it. “Don’t worry, she will be back as soon as I leave.”

Beni sighed as Amara helped her get a drink, “Thanks Mari. I get confused sometimes when I wake up,” she said reaching for her hand, “I’m glad you’re here. I know I need to be here but I just want to get back to my life,” she said softly.

“You know that’s going to take some time Beni,” Amara said with a sad, soft smile. She hated the idea that her friend wouldn’t just be walking out those doors any moment now, but the way Missouri had explained it, there would be months of rehab and physical therapy. “I know it’s not like you but you’re going to have to find some patience, otherwise you will drive Deanna up the wall.” 

“I know. I’ll try my hardest not to. At least my job requires my ass in a chair most of the time,” she laughed a little, “Is Pam taking care of my shop?” she asked.

“Her and Dory got it on lock, but you’re not going in until they clear you for that Beni…” Amara said, with a warning to her tone. “You’re going to follow doctors orders and take care of yourself. Your shop will still be there whenever you’re ready to go back to it.” 

“I know, I know. I can still worry about it okay?” she said a little petulantly. She closed her eyes for a moment and flinched. Bright lights and sounds of screeching filled her ears and she swallowed hard, “Fuck...my bike...it’s completely totalled isn’t it?” she asked, keeping her eyes closed as the sounds began to dim down. 

“Yeah,” Amara said sadly, “It was in pieces out on the interstate. Don’t get me wrong, I know how much that bike meant to you Beni but what’s  _ important _ is that you’re not out there with it.” 

Beni nodded but couldn't help the way her chin shook, “I know...I know. It’s just...I built that thing with my bare hands with my granddaddy’s help before he died,” she said rubbing at her face angrily.

“I think he’d be damn glad you didn’t end up there either, the bike can be rebuilt, Hell I’ll buy you another one just like it if you want...but  _ you _ are irreplaceable, Beni.” Amara said, shaking her head at Beni. She understood, or she at least tried to relate but honestly she’d never had anything that meant the same as what Beni’s bike meant to her. Still, she would have gladly thrown every last dime she had into building a damn fleet of bikes before she’d have let Beni go.

Beni nodded, the ache in her chest and heart almost too great to bear. Her grandparents had raised her after her parents died when she was a kid. They were gone now too and one of the things she had left of them was that damn bike. She couldn't help the tears that welled up in her eyes or the shuddering sob that left her lips.

“S-sorry….just….just need a minute.”

“Take all the time you need, I’ll be right here.”

Amara hated to see her friend in pain, physical or emotional. The bike obviously meant everything to her but it wasn’t fixable, she’d asked. The man had said it was practically scrapped metal after the accident. 

There was a soft buzz at get side and she was surprised to see a message from Deanna.

This food looks awful, thinking of making a trip to the roadhouse for Beni. >>Deanna

You got half an hour? >>Deanna

She smiled down at her phone. Already the girl was taking care of Beni and it eased the worried nervousness in her chest. 

Sure, take as long as you need. >>Amara

Deanna took a deep breath and headed for the parking lot, only to realize her baby was still back at the apartment. She closed her eyes, ‘breathe in, breathe out’, and pulled her phone out of her pocket. Thankfully, Charlie had brought her the charger but she didn’t want to put her friend out any further. Instead, she dialed the familiar number and waited

“Yello,” Bobby said gruffly, stirring the pot of chili on the stove. Ellen had sent him home with a bunch of leftovers and he planned to take some of it over to Deanna. The girl wasn’t usually shy about her appetite but with everythin’ going on, he figured maybe she got distracted

“Bobby, hey...how’s things?” 

“Deanna? I figured you’d be tied up for a few days…” Bobby said, worry flashing through his chest. He’d heard everything was okay with her girlfriend but he knew better than anyone how quickly things could turn south. 

“I am but I was hoping you’d take me to pick up the Impala.” 

“Yeah, sure...I’ll be there in a few.” 

“No rush Bobby,” she lied, chewing at her lip. She hated putting people out, but for Beni, there was little she wouldn’t do. 

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, I said I’d be there in a few, and I’ll be damned if you’re gonna make a liar out of me,” he said, pushing the pot of chili onto the back burner and switching the stove off. “Don’t do nothin’ stupid while you’re waiting.” 

“I thought you said it would only take a few minutes,” Deanna teased, finally finding parts of herself again. 

“Yeah, like you’ve ever needed more than one.” 

Before she could get in a snarky word, Bobby had hung up and she was chuckling softly to herself.

Now she just had to wait…

Bobby stayed true to his word, only taking about five minutes to get to the hospital. He pulled up to the front where he saw Deanna standing and gave her a nod as she climbed into the truck, “How ya holdin up kiddo?” he asked as he steered the truck back onto the road.

“Been better, but she’s still here so...grateful,” Deanna said softly, she hated the flashes of nightmares that came to mind when even the smallest blip of realization pushed forward. The fact that she actually could have lost Beni, still fresh in her mind. 

“Amara’s with her now I thought she’d appreciate something besides stale hospital food, not that she’s had much of that either...still…” 

Bobby nodded his head, “Yeah, that hospital food is something nasty,” he said with a grimace.

“She likes Roadhouse food and I figured Ellen wouldn’t mind putting something together for her,” Deanna answered, her voice full of distance in that moment. Part of her, no-  _ most _ of her was still back at the hospital with Beni, it was certainly where her mind was at least. 

“Dee?” Bobby prompted, keeping an eye on the road but would glance over at Deanna when he could, “You want me to just take you to the Roadhouse and then back to the hospital?” he asked.

“No, I need-I need baby, I can’t have someone driving back and forth every time I want to go grab something,” she answered, shaking her head quickly. 

When Bobby just gave her another wary look, she rushed to apologize. “Sorry, I’m okay, promise, just a little distract-Where’s Beni’s bike?” Deanna asked, her eyebrows dipping in confusion. “I mean I don’t know where she-where it happened but we need to go get the bike...she loves that bike-” 

Bobby sighed heavily, “They actually called me to come pick it up. It’s at the salvage yard,” he said shaking his head, “It’s...it’s completely totaled. It would take a miracle to make it run again,” he said.

“Then I guess I’ll join the miracle business, cause there ain’t no way in hell I’m letting her lose that bike.” 

* * *

  
  


Three weeks. Three weeks of being stuck in a damn hospital room before they finally, allowed for her to leave. She was so excited to get out of there her leg was bouncing up and down as she sat in the wheelchair. Deanna and Amara were packing up her stuff, which wasn’t much aside from the get well gifts Deanna’s family dropped off for her.

A stuffed bear was pressed against her chest and Beni hugged it close as she gave Deanna a little smile. Ellen had stopped by one day to drop that along with dinner and breakfast for her. It had left her speechless but grateful down to her toes. It had been a really long time since she had so many people in her corner, it was strange.

“Thanks, baby,” she said, pulling at Deanna’s hand to kiss at her fingers.

“This is what I’m here for,” she answered simply. It had always been Deanna’s belief that you should always look out for the people you cared about and Beni was near the top of that list for her. It hadn’t been that long, shorter than the time she’d spent with Cas, and yet...somehow it was still just as significant, maybe more so. “Let’s get you back to my place where you can finally rest in a  _ real _ bed. 

“Ugh, yes please,” she groaned, “Mari, did you remember to bring my laptop bag over to Deanna’s?” she asked chewing on her lip. She had a picture of the painting she had done of Deanna’s character and was eager to show it to her girlfriend. She’d actually forgotten it, with nearly being roadkill and getting stuck at the hospital.

“Yes, and I’ve taken the liberty of packing anything you’d consider valuable at your place as well, so you have your laptop, and a bag of clothes,” she teased, “Did I miss anything?” 

“My dignity?” Beni laughed, shaking her head. She wanted to throw something at Amara but all she had was the bear and she wasn’t about to let that go.

“Oh honey, no. You lost that a long time ago.” 

Beni snorted, “Why am I friends with you again?” she asked with a grin. She tried to dodge Amara’s hand but couldn’t get very far, “Ugh, I hate this chair,” she said, laughing with both her girls as they finished up.

“You’ll be out of it soon enough, just gotta get your legs a refresher course, that’s all,” Deanna said, squeezing gently at Beni’s hand. “Okay, I think that’s it, let’s head out!” 

Amara and Missouri worked to hold the door open as Deanna gently eased Beni out of her room. The rest of the doors were thankfully automatic as she pushed her girlfriend through the halls, onto the elevator, and out to the front entrance.

It took a little bit of effort but Deanna did manage to get Beni from the chair into the passenger side seat of the Impala, quickly buckling her up. She didn’t mention the fact that she’d asked Bobby to install the blasted things while they were there, just took comfort in knowing Beni would be safer. 

She folded the chair and lifted it into the trunk before climbing in behind the wheel. 

“You need me to stop anywhere?” 

“Nah, Mari got all my prescriptions filled before you got here. Other than a burger, I don’t need anythin else,” she laughed, leaning back against the seat. It felt so good to finally be outside the hospital. Yeah, they went on walks...well she was pushed...but that hardly counted.

She reached for Deanna’s hand and sighed, “Just take me home baby,” she said.

“Okay, let’s go home.” 

Deanna tried not to let on how great that word felt, coming from Beni. How she now thought of her place as  _ home _ . She knew it was probably a temporary thing, that once Beni was up on her feet she might want her independence back but Deanna was grateful for the moment all the same. 

Though she was still tired, Beni somehow managed to stay awake the entire ride home. From the moment she realized she be living with her girlfriend during her recovery time she'd started to referring to her place as home. It didn't matter where they were though, wherever Deanna was, that was  _ home. _

When they pulled into the complex Beni's face broke out into a wide smile. It took more maneuvering and a lot grunts and cursing but they got Beni up into the apartment and onto the couch.

“Thanks baby...damn you're gonna be buff after hauling my ass around,” she chuckled.

“Hey, I like to think I’m pretty buff now,” Deanna said as she laughed along. She made sure her girlfriend was comfortable and as much as she wanted to stay there curled up with Beni, pretty much indefinitely, she knew they were both getting hungry and those burgers weren’t going to cook themselves. 

“I’m gonna make us some food and then we can just rest for today. Need anything before I go?” 

“Mmhmm,” she said and pointed to her lips. She laughed when Deanna rolled her eyes but got her kiss regardless. Beni pouted a little after she pulled away. She grabbed up the remote when her girlfriend sauntered into the kitchen. 

Deanna started by cutting up some potatoes. She could never manage to get them to look like  _ actual  _ fries but she could form some decent wedges and she knew they were going to take forever to cook. She eventually got them seasoned with a variety of spices before she pushed them into the oven. Next she moved onto the burger meat, mixing it with a bit of sausage and some sauces that worked like a quick marinade. Finally she was able to get those grilled up adding the buttered buns just before it was time to take them all off. It smelled amazing and she was glad to be home, and to be able to do something as simple as cook for her girlfriend. 

“Food’s almost done. Do you want me to bring it in here for you or do you want to eat in the kitchen?” 

“I know its a pain but if you wouldn't mind darlin I'd rather eat at the table,” she said with a wince. Her last dose of painkillers were beginning to wear off as well. She was going to try extremely hard to tough it out, the thought of becoming dependent on drugs and possible becoming hooked terrified her.

Deanna looked back at the kitchen briefly, she’d just turned almost everything off and the wedges still had a few minutes left to bake. She made herself comfortable on the coffee table in front of Bei and reached out to take her hands. “Look, I know we haven’t talked about this much but you know that this isn’t some kind of burden on me, right? Whatever it takes to get you recovered is fine by me and all of this stuff...well, it's a hundred times harder on you than it is on me.” 

She squeezed at Beni’s hands and ran her thumb over the ink on her knuckles. “I’m here, because I want to be.” 

Beni swallowed hard and nodded, bringing Deanna’s hand to her mouth to kiss at her fingers, “I can’t even begin to tell you just how grateful I am that you’re in my life baby,” she said softly, her chest feeling a little heavy and it had nothing to do with the accident or drugs. The way Deanna was looking at her now had her heart fluttering in a way she had never felt before. She knew what it was but the self doubt inside was screaming to not admit to it just yet, it was too soon...but God Beni wanted to scream it out.

“Me too.” Deanna admitted, reaching her arms out to let Beni use them to pull herself up. “C’mon, let’s eat.” 

She got her into the chair fairly easy, Beni did most of the work herself, even if her legs were still pretty badly beaten. Deanna made a mental note to not let Beni take too much on herself, in case she was harboring some weird desire to prove something. It wouldn’t do either of them any good to have her make anything worse.

Her apartment wasn’t huge exactly, but it was big enough to get Beni’s chair around easily enough. Of course her and Charlie had spent a couple days straightening things up and moving things around to make the pathways more clear. It actually looked better now that they’d gotten rid of some stuff. It wasn’t anything Deanna wanted anyway, hell most of it she hadn’t even realized was there until they were cleaning it all out. She hadn’t even picked out a good portion of the junk that was taking up her space, so once it was gone she just felt more refreshed. 

They talked a little while they ate, though it wasn’t anything too deep. Deanna didn’t want to dig into the heavy, not just yet. She was kind of hoping they could pick up where they left off, even if it was a bit of a lighter workout than she’d originally planned. She wanted to touch Beni, to taste her, to feel her warm beneath her hands, to reassure them both that she was still there, still breathing, still  _ everything _ . 

“This was fucking delicious cher,” Beni groaned, sitting back in her chair, “It’s still pretty early and I’m actually not tired for once,” she laughed a little, “You wanna watch a movie or somethin?”

“Actually, I thought we’d go to bed early tonight,” Deanna said, her mouth turning up at the corners unprompted. Just the thought of taking Beni to bed made her feel warm all over but it was more than that. It wasn’t just about pleasure, or orgasms, or sex. It was about making that physical connection to match the one she’d already felt emotionally. “Is that okay?” 

Beni smiled brightly, “Hell yeah cher,” she said, waiting for Deanna to bring her chair over. She’d managed to gimp to the kitchen but if they were going to be doing something a little extra tonight she didn’t want to hurt herself before she even got to the bedroom. Deanna helped her into it, leaning back as she was pushed down the hall, “Did you move stuff around?” she asked as she grabbed at Deanna’s hands to get up. She’d noticed it earlier, certain things missing here and there or just moved around.

“Just did a little spring cleaning,” Deanna said, helping Beni ease herself onto the bed. 

“Do you want me to get you something softer to change into?” she asked, smiling at Beni’s unparalleled beauty. Deanna knew that the woman had no idea how gorgeous she really was but that didn’t mean she took it for granted for even a second. She might have been made a little more stout, more muscular than what society deemed beautiful for a woman, but to Deanna, she’d never seen anyone more attractive, that drew her in as quickly as Beni did. 

Beni nodded but didn’t let Deanna get to far, she pulled the girl between her legs and hugged around her, her head pressed right against Deanna’s breasts. Beni couldn’t help rubbing against them like some damn cat making them both laugh.

“I’ll be back soon, I promise,” Deanna said, playfully brushing her hand through Beni’s hair. “I have your bag. Do you want to go through it? We can put some stuff away or you can just grab something and we can postpone that for another time, whatever you want is fine with me.” 

“I’ll just grab somethin, there’s always tomorrow to unpack. Just wanna be with my girl right now,” she said lifting up Deanna’s shirt to kiss at her stomach. She wanted nothing more than to fall back on the bed, to pull her girlfriend right on top of her but that may not be the greatest of ideas. She had to keep reminding herself to take it easy and to not go all out right away.

“That works for me,” Deanna said, backing away far enough to reach for Beni’s bag and sit it on the bed beside her.

“I’m gonna go change while you’re doing that. Call out if you need anything, okay?” Deanna asked, dropping a soft, quick kiss to Beni’s mouth.

Beni nodded, watching Deanna disappear into the bathroom. She sighed softly to herself and slowly started to change. She got her pants off and some shorts pulled on but when she tried to pull off her shirt she hissed at the sudden sharp pain in her ribs, “Shit…” she grumbled, trying again but had to stop just after a second.

“Babe?” Beni called out.

Deanna was still half dressed, she’d taken a little extra time washing up and brushing her hair so it wasn’t as stiff from the elastic she’d had in it all day. When she heard Beni’s voice though she nearly fell over her own feet to scramble toward the door, eyes wide with concern. “Woah, woah you okay? You didn’t hurt anything did you.”

Beni looked up at her girlfriend and felt her mouth drop open. Deanna was completely topless with her low slung jeans and all Beni wanted to do was yank the girl closer. Her mouth went completely dry as her fingers dug into the bed.

“I uh...um...can’t get my shirt off,” she stammered, licking at her dry lips.

“Okay, that’s.. That’s okay, we’ll figure out a way, let’s try it one arm at a time,” Deanna said, gently tugging at Beni’s shirt sleeve, waiting for her to attempt to draw her arm in against her. 

She didn’t move…

“Uh, Ben...need a little help here,” Deanna said, completely unaware that she was basically on top of Beni  _ without _ her shirt. 

Beni let out a nervous laugh and tried to avert her eyes but Deanna’s nipples were literally... _ right there _ . It was taking everything in her power to not...do something. She gripped at Deanna’s jeans and gave her a look, “Babe…” she said and made an obvious show of looking down at her chest.

“Oh, oh god.. Oh I’m-uh, I-I’ll be, I’ll be right back, are...are you okay like that for a minute?” Deanna asked, chuckling. Internally she was mortified but somehow it only made her laugh harder.

“Yeah, I am,” she chuckled as well, mourning the loss of the great view she had of her girlfriends chest she let Deanna go so she could get back in the bathroom. Beni rubbed at her face, her body aching with need. 

Deanna rushed to pull her tank top back on, shaking her head at herself. She’d had it all planned out but she’d just ran out of the bathroom without even thinking. Thankfully, it wasn’t long before she was walking back into the bedroom and helping Beni out of her shirt. 

“Okay, now lay back and get comfortable and I will be back soon,” Deanna promised, kissing Beni’s warm lips softly before pulling away. 

“Okay, thank you,” she said, sighing a bit once her tank top was on. She relaxed against the pillows, willing her brain to stay alert and for her eyes to not close for longer than three seconds. Deanna was just in the bathroom and would be back out soon. 

It did take a couple minutes but eventually Deanna was satisfied with how she looked. The peach lace fit beautifully against her skin and she was glad she’d taken the time to pick out something special, something specifically for Beni, rather than just grabbing the first thing in her drawer.

She moved all of her hair over to one side, to drape over her shoulder before she opened the door with a wide smile. 

“You ready for bed?” she purred, feeling a little warm as Beni’s eyes raked over her body. 

Beni took in every long inch of Deanna’s mouth watering body and groaned, “Oh I’m ready for something baby,” she said biting her lip. Deanna was gorgeous on a normal day but right now she was downright sinful and Beni was aching to get her hands on her. 

“Before we get started you have to promise to tell me if anything hurts, or we’re not going to do this, Ben..I don’t want to hurt you, not too much, okay?” Deanna asked, moving steadily closer to the bed but staying just out of reach. 

“Scouts honor,” she said holding up three fingers. The second Deanna was within arms reach she grabbed at her hips, getting her hands on that warm skin, “Baby girl you look so fucking gorgeous,” she said.

“I wanted to wear something special for you,” Deanna said smiling, leaning in for a long, biting kiss. Beni’s mouth was  _ everything _ and she loved the feel of it against her own. 

“I’m not sure what you’re used to...when it comes to sex but I was hoping, just for tonight, you’d let me take the lead. Let me love you, like this. I just want you to lay back, to relax, and  _ let go _ , is that okay?” 

Beni licked her lips and nodded eagerly, “That’s definitely okay. Do I get to play with you too at all?” she asked, eyeing the pretty panties covering the one place she wanted to bury her face into. It was no secret she loved going down on women, it was one of her favorite things about sex and she was dying to taste her girlfriend.

“Not sure, we can try if you’re feeling up to it when I’m done,” Deanna said, carefully maneuvering herself between the vee of Beni’s thighs. She wasn’t sure how much her girlfriend’s sore ribs would take or she would have gladly straddled her and let herself be kissed senseless for a while. Though she had been waiting for this moment for quite some time, “Can I?” she asked, tugging gently at the waistband of Beni’s shorts. 

Beni nodded, not even slightly embarrassed she had left the underwear off. She grinned when Deanna gave her a look and bit her lip hard when she lifted up her hips so they could be slid off, “I’m okay, I promise to tell you if I’m not,” she said, reaching out to cup the side of Deanna’s face.

“Good,” she said, pushing her face into Beni’s hand a bit. 

“You are beautiful too Beni,” Deanna confessed, her hands pushing gently at Beni’s thighs to spread her apart. She smiled up at her gorgeous girlfriend and let the lust she felt, push her forward. Deanna dropped her head quickly to get a taste of her lover and moaned when she finally had the salty sweet skin between her lips.

Beni let her head fall back with a soft groan. It had been awhile (for her at least) since she'd been with someone but add to it that it was Deanna, someone who she knew she was falling in love with made it ten times better.

She gently gathered up Deanna's long hair and held it with one hand while the other gripped at the sheets.

Deanna groaned as she dipped lower and found Beni’s body so responsive. She was wet and warm and so delightfully sweet. She licked her way to Beni’s core, spreading her lips to get better access to the sipping wet center she was looking for. 

“Fuck, that’s hot, you feel great Beni,” she started then dipped in for another lick. “Ungh, you taste fucking amazing.” 

“Ungh fuck baby girl that  _ feels  _ fucking amazing,” Beni moaned a little louder. She managed to bend one of her knees to open herself more for Deanna with only a little protesting from her sore muscles. It was worth it though, her eyes nearly crossing when that sinful tongue wiggled deeper. A whine left her throat and couldn't help tugging on Deanna's hair a little.

The quick throb of pain in her scalp only made her go harder, Deanna loved that Beni was letting herself go and she ached for more of it. 

She backed away for just a moment, long enough to draw out a whine from Beni and smile a wet, sloppy smile at her girlfriend. “Don’t worry, I like it, love it actually. Pull it harder if you want...just don’t pull me out again.” 

Beni nodded eagerly, licking at her lips when Deanna moved in again. It felt so good but also tortuous. Deanna kept her at the edge for what felt like hours, her body thrumming with the need to cum. She was at her breaking point when finally two fingers began to push in.

“Yes, baby yes please,” she whined, trying to roll her hips down but her injuries limited her movements. 

“Shhh easy, I’ll take care of you, promise but you can’t go hurting yourself,” Deanna said, gently trying to hold Beni’s hips down without applying any painful pressure.

Deanna moves her fingers fluidly, waiting until she curved it just right. “C’mon Ben...let loose for me love, let go.” 

“Fuck! Dee!” she cried out, moaning wantonly as her body seized up. Pleasure flooded through her like a tidal wave, leaving her boneless and absolutely sated.

“C'mere baby girl,” she said in almost a slur as she yanked on Deanna's hair.

“Mmm, just a minute, wanna make sure I get it all,” Deanna teased, taking one last drink of Beni’s warmth.

She savored it and then quickly climbed up to be even with those bright blue eyes. So full of pleasure and love that her chest felt like it was going to burst open. 

Beni pulled her and kissed her long and hard. The taste of herself on Deanna's tongue nearly had her purring. She dragged her nails slowly up Deanna's back, the silk from the camisole she was wearing soft along her finger tips. Beni pushed the cloth up, needing to get her hands on Deanna's warm skin that was even softer than the lingerie. 

“Fucking love you,” she moaned against Deanna's lips

“Love you too Ben,” Deanna smiled. She hummed, full of satisfaction and contentment. There was no unfulfilled need or orgasm to chase. That moment spent with Beni meant so much more than anything she could have sought out physically. “Thank you for letting me have this.”

Beni chuckled, “Oh you’re very welcome,” she grinned. There was nothing she wanted more than to return the favor but when she moved, the pain came rearing back and she winced, “Shit...fuck baby I think I need one of those pills,” she groaned, instantly regretting the moment she said it. Deanna was off the bed, Beni missing the warmth almost immediately.

“When I’m better, I’m goin to return the favor so good you won’t be able to walk,” she said.

“I’ll hold you to that, but just so you know...I’m good, I got what I wanted, promise,” she said, sitting the glass of water down on the nightstand by the bed before she dropped the pill into Beni’s hand. 

“I uh, I don’t want to overstep any boundaries but you seem a little...hesitant around these pills. Do you want me to keep track?” she said, facing away from Beni. She didn’t want any of the concern she felt showing in her eyes. It was more about the unknown, she wouldn’t judge Beni if she’d had a problem before but Deanna knew the look on her face was probably not the most reassuring thing she could see.

Beni frowned a little and then nodded, “Yeah. I’ve had friends before get hooked on them and I don’t wanna be one of them,” she said. The pills always seemed much bigger than they actually were but she downed them as quickly as she could, drinking the entire glass before putting it back on the nightstand.

“Okay, then we will be really careful and I’ll be sure to keep tabs on them,” Deanna said, before curling back into bed against Beni’s side. “I’m going to take care of you, Ben. Whatever you need.” 

* * *

  
  


Beni leaned her head back as she let out a slow breath. Amara’s voice on the other end of the phone grating on her ears. She’d been trying to explain that she was more than ready to go back to work, even Pamela and Deanna both agreed that Beni was well enough now that she could at least sit on her ass and work on people’s tattoos. But no. Amara found out through the grapevine and was ripping Beni a new one for even thinking it.

“Mari, I understand you’re worried but I’ve been out of the hospital for two fucking weeks. Been going to physical therapy every damn day, even my doctor said it’s okay for me to go back to work!” she nearly yelled.

“Well does your  _ doctor _ know just how goddamn stubborn you are? Come on Beni, be honest. You’re not just going to go down there and wheel around from point A to point B which is probably what they thought when they gave you the go ahead,” she said, feeling a little guilty even though she knew she was right. It wasn’t like she  _ wanted _ to be the bitch, but she knew Beni better than anyone and it wasn’t easy to imagine her injuring herself further. “You know that you’ll be limping around the store all day and you’ll keep going until you push yourself past your limits just as you’ve always done.” 

“What, your girlfriend not keeping you entertained?” 

“You’re such a bitch Amara,” Beni said rubbing a hand down her face, “And even though it’s none of your damn business, Dee’s been working at The Roadhouse the past week. Ellen’s down a cook and besides Ash, Dee’s the only one she trusts in her kitchen,” Beni explained. She didn’t like having to not only explain herself but her girlfriend to Amara. She was Beni’s best friend and she loved the girl even though Amara infuriated the fuck out of her sometimes. 

“Oh,” Amara said, instantly softening. 

Beni was lonely. 

Correction, Beni was  _ bored _ and  _ lonely _ . 

“Fine, you can go to the shop but I’m coming with you for a few days to make sure you’re not overdoing it,” she said, “Besides, I miss you and it would be good to spend some time with you again, even if it’s between clients.” 

Beni wanted to argue but she knew when to quit while she was ahead, especially when Amara was involved, “Okay. I’m going in tomorrow morning. Gonna give Dory however many days off that I can for taking care of the shop for me,” she said softly.

“Sounds good, I’ll see you at noon and you better not be there before opening,” Amara teased, trying to let a little bit of the playfulness back into her voice. 

Beni chuckled, “Yeah, yeah whatever. Love you Mari,” she said.

“You too Benigirl.” 

Amara disconnected the call and frowned down at her phone. 

_ Beni misses you…-  _ she typed before quickly erasing the message. Their relationship wasn’t any of her business but something didn’t feel right about Deanna leaving Beni to herself. She’d just pop in the roadhouse to say hi, then maybe she could ease that clenching worry in her gut. 

She looked back at the two sleeping forms in her bed and grinned, well maybe it could wait just a little while. 

  
  
  


Deanna had spent half her morning on the phone with a guy in Columbus Ohio, said he had the fuel tank she was looking for but it was going to be a bitch to try to get it shipped. Deanna couldn’t very well make the drive without giving herself away, she scrubbed her hands over her face and sighed. 

Maybe she could find one a little closer…

She knew it was unrealistic, hell it was practically a damn miracle she’d found the right one at all but, she  _ needed  _ it. Deanna knew exactly how much that bike meant to Beni and she wasn’t giving up on it. 

Then her eyes went wide and she smiled tapping a few times on her phone, “Hey Vik, I’m calling in that favor you owe me.” 

When they ended the call she hummed happily as she made her way back out to the frame she had tracked down and the seat she’d salvaged. It hadn’t been easy, but she had managed to save most of the fabric and patch over it where she couldn’t. It didn’t look  _ quite _ as good as it used to but she was hoping to get a cover put over it anyway. She just wanted Beni to know that it was still the same one, some of the same parts meant it was the same bike, at least that’s how she’d always felt about her baby.

_ I’ll be home early, need anything? >> _ Deanna

_ Just you baby. Miss you but I know you gotta help Ellen out. >> _ Beni

Deanna felt a bit of guilt when she saw the message but she was doing it for Beni, wasn’t that good enough? She didn’t like lying but...what if she couldn’t piece it back together? Getting Beni’s hopes up only to break her heart all over again, Deanna couldn’t bring herself to do it. 

_ Headed your way now, see you at home. >> Deanna.  _

_ I’m actually at the shop. Gonna have Amara bring me home in a few. Just gotta clean up. >> _ Beni

“Hey Mari! You ready to finish your baby sitting and take my gimp ass home?” she called out. Thankfully they’d upgraded her to a wheelchair that she could push herself. It took a lot of work and her arms were tired as all hell but she was getting around herself and that’s all she cared about. She wheeled out from the office only to stop short when Amara was suddenly there, “I’m gonna get you a damn bell,” she laughed. 

“Sorry, went to get food,” she said, sitting the bag down on the counter. 

That sick feeling in her stomach tripled when she’d gone to the roadhouse with no Deanna in sight. She’d asked the little blonde girl with the constant glare if she could go back to the kitchens and talk to her for a moment but she’d just stared at her blankly and said she wasn’t there. When Amara asked if she’d be back the next day, the girl told her that Deanna didn’t work there, that she was an author and she only ever came in on family dinner night which was Sunday. 

Amara tried to push it back in her mind, she needed to talk to Deanna, needed to find out what was happening. There wasn’t anything about the girl that made her think she’d intentionally hurt Beni by doing something like cheat on her, but there were a lot of things that weren’t adding up and Amara didn’t like it one bit. 

“Do you want to eat here or at home?” 

“Let's go home. Dee's on her way there,” she said with a sigh. She hadn't really gotten to spend any time with her girlfriend now that they were both working. She just hoped Ellen could find someone soon.

“I’m not trying to be a ...well busy body, but is everything okay Beni?” Amara asked, chewing at her lip as she held the door open for Beni to wheel through. “I mean just a couple weeks ago you were banged up and bruised, sure, but you were... _ happy _ . You don’t sound as happy anymore.” 

Beni blushed a little, “You know me…I'm never this…. _ needy  _ but ever since she started helping Ellen out…I don't know, I miss her,” Beni said and then laughed, “And here she thought she was going to be the annoying one,” she said.

“She knows she’s lucky to have you, Beni...that much I know,” Amara said truthfully, she just hoped that there wasn’t something stupid standing in the way of her best friend’s happiness. “Come along, let’s get you home.” 

They drove in relative silence, she watched Beni pick at the warm fries in the bag but she was apparently saving the bigger stuff to eat once she was at home with Deanna. Already so much of her life was built around this girl and Amara was hoping beyond reason that it wasn’t going to bite her in the ass. 

“Do you need help getting in?” Amara asked when she pulled into the parking lot. Thankfully Deanna’s apartment wasn’t a walk up but there was a slight incline to get to the door. 

Beni nodded a little shyly, she hated asking for help even though her friends were more than willing to do so. She was never more grateful to have Amara and Pamela in her life. Now with the additions of Deanna, Charlie and Dory she was pretty much set. 

Amara pushed her to Deanna’s door, Beni quickly reaching out to get the door unlocked only to find it already done. She frowned and turned her head, feeling a little dumb that she hadn’t seen Baby when she got out of Amara’s car. Once inside she could hear the shower running and just being in the same space as her girlfriend had something tight in her chest unfurling. It was annoying and uncomfortable but didn’t seem to be getting better anytime soon.

“Thanks Mari,” she said as Amara wheeled her to the couch.

Deanna heard some movement through the thin walls, and Beni’s voice tended to carry a bit. She hurried through rinsing her hair and dried off quickly. She’d missed her girl but she’d needed to shower off the motor oil or Beni was sure to pick up on it. 

“Hey, sorry I’m late…,” Deanna said, moving forward to drop a warm kiss to Beni’s soft lips.

“You got food?” She asked, a little confused since Beni had watched her marinate the pork ribs they’d planned to have before she left. 

“That was me actually,” Amara said, looking over Beni’s head to stare at Deanna. “I went to the roadhouse, must have just missed you.” 

“Yeah, must have..” Deanna said, swallowing the bit of nerves fluttering in her stomach. 

She quickly grabbed at her phone and shot off a text. 

_ It’s not what you think.. _ >> Deanna

Beni wasn’t really paying attention, the ache in her legs was coming back and she moved to lay back on the couch.

Amara looked down at Beni then at Deanna before grabbing her phone out of her back pocket. She read the message and quirked up a brow. Deanna moved into the kitchen and Amara quickly followed.

“So what exactly am I supposed to think?” Amara asked crossing her arms.

“I’m not sure, I mean, I know I am technically  _ lying _ to Beni but,” Deanna whispered, chewing at her lip. “It’s a surprise...I’ve been, I’m trying to surprise her but I’m not sure it’s even going to work. I didn’t want to get her hopes up.” 

“What are you-” Amara stopped and held her breath, her eyes going wide, “Oh...wait...you got the bike, didn’t you?” she hissed, quickly looking over to see Beni already passed out. 

“I had to  _ try _ ,” Deanna said, the frustration bleeding out in her voice. “I couldn’t just sit back and do nothing while Beni potentially lost the most important thing in her whole damn life.” 

Amara looked at Deanna and started to really see the girl in a whole new light. She remembered her conversation with Beni in the hospital, how she had practically told her best friend to forget about the bike, that her being alive was more important. Yet here Deanna was, trying to give that piece of Beni back to her.

“Wow,” she said softly, “That...that’s amazing Deanna. I’m sure you’ll figure it out. If there’s anything I can do, let me know and I’ll do my best,” she said quietly.

“It’s coming along, I’ve called in a couple favors but I’m at a stand still for the next couple days so I’ll be here to hang out with her,” Deanna said, looking fondly over at her dorky girlfriend who was obviously pushing herself too hard if she was so tired she passed out the minute she got home. “Besides, I really miss her.” 

“She misses you too. I have never seen her like this over someone,” Amara said, “I trust you Deanna and I don’t say that lightly so please do not make me regret it,” she said pointing her finger. She gave the girl a wink and turned on her heel to head out of the apartment.

With Amara’s approval, she was able to steal her resolve. She hated lying to Beni but it would have been even worse to pull some hope for her only to fail her in the end, no Deanna had to wait until she was sure it would be restored.

She put the burgers and chili in the fridge, crunched a few of the fries between her teeth and started cooking those ribs. She’d been looking forward to it all day and the roadhouse food would be just as good reheated. 

Beni blinked her eyes open and yawned. She didn’t remember falling asleep but she felt a little better now that she had taken a power nap. The apartment was filled with the delicious smell of those ribs Deanna had planned on making earlier. Amara was gone and for that Beni was kinda grateful for. She wanted some alone time with her girl.

“Baby?” she called out, sitting up slowly. Her leg was throbbing and Beni knew it was getting close to her next pill. Deanna had been cutting them in half for her to cut back one the dosage a bit. It still numbed the pain but she didn’t feel like passing out after taking one.

“Hey, I’m in here...just a sec,” Deanna said, giving the ribs another minute on that side before pulling the cast iron skillet from the burner and moving it over to the side. She quickly reached back and turned the stove cap off grinning at how beautiful the meat looked. It was perfectly seasoned and ready to fall off the bone. 

“Sorry, dinner’s almost done. You need something?” she asked, moving into the living room. 

“I'm gonna need one of my pills soon,” she said giving Deanna a small smile, “Dinner smells amazing.” 

“Okay, I’ll get it for you..half or whole?” Deanna asked, seeing the pain in Beni’s eyes. “You don’t have to make yourself miserable, I promise, I’m looking out for you and doc says your dose is already pretty mild.” 

“I know, I just hate being sleepy all the time. How about half now, half right before bed? That way I don't fall asleep on the food,” she laughed, only slightly wincing at that embarrassing story.

“Works for me,” Deanna answered softly before moving toward the drawer where she kept Beni’s medication. She grabbed some water and made her way back to find her stubborn girlfriend hobbling toward the table.

“Sit, Ben please sit down I’ll take care of this and I promise when you’re 100% again I will let you cook me the biggest meal I’ve ever eaten just don’t hurt yourself further, okay?”

“I gotta start tryin to walk cher. Doc also said I need to do it outside of therapy but not to over do it,” she grunted as she dropped into the chair. Deanna fussed over her for a bit before grabbing the food so they could eat. It was delicious and Beni couldn't get enough of it. She was almost sad to see the plate empty but had to watch it to go into the sink. 

With Deanna's help this time she got back to the couch but with the third book of Deanna's series this time. Her girlfriend broke out the laptop, quickly beginning to write as some old tv show played in the background. 

Deanna hummed, then made a small noise of frustration. Her characters were not behaving like she wanted and it was driving her up the wall. Internally she threatened to kill one of them off if they didn’t straighten up but she knew she could never do that it her readers. 

“Gahhh,” she said aloud, not even realizing she’d gotten Beni’s attention.

“Rowan still giving you problems babe?” Beni asked looking over her a book with a knowing smile.

“I don’t understand this...I am literally their god, why aren’t they acting like I want-“ Deanna said, stopping herself. “Well now I understand how Chuck feels.”

“Chuck was that squirrelly guy right?” she asked, laughing when Deanna nodded, “I wanna meet him someday. Tell me what's goin on?” she asked placing the book on her chest so she could focus.

“So I have Preya doing some shady stuff behind Rowan’s back but it’s all for the greater good but when I try to have them confront their issues, they either explode out of control and beyond reason or they don’t give it the right amount of thought/consideration,” Deanna rambled. “It’s like they either kiss and makeup immediately or they blow up and break up…”

“Maybe they just need a moment away from each other, to really evaluate the situation and think about it,” she said with a shrug.

“But what am I supposed to do if they don’t work it out?” Deanna whispered, realizing much too suddenly that the situation in her novel wasn’t that different from what she was doing in real life to Beni. 

_ Fuck. _

“Well, is what Preya doing truly for the greater good or is out of selfish need?” she asked, moving a bit to get more comfortable. Her foot was pressed against Deanna’s thigh and she poked her girlfriend a little with her toes.

Deanna chewed at her lip. “I’m not even sure anymore...she thinks it is, she thinks that she’s protecting Rowan but the deeper she gets into it the more guilt she feels.”

“If what Preya is doing is unselfish then in the long run Rowan will understand. They love each other, have gone through some pretty heavy shit together. Yeah Preya is lying but Rowen will forgive her in the long run,” Beni said with a shrug.

“I’ve been lying to you,” Deanna said, not even truly realizing the words were coming out of her mouth until they were already out. She winced at the stunned sort of betrayal in Beni’s eyes. 

Beni stared at Deanna, her heart pausing for a split second before speeding up so fast she was sure it would burst out of her chest.

“About what...exactly?” she said slowly. It was immensely difficult to not start getting hysterical or comparing Deanna to all the other girls who had lied and betrayed her in the past. That was why she stopped doing relationships…stopped getting attached.

“I’m doing something, it was meant to be a surprise but now-I just feel so damn guilty Beni,” Deanna said, emotions welling up inside her threatening to overtake what little semblance of composure she had left. “I swear, it’s nothing bad, I never meant to hurt you, Ben. Not ever.” 

“You haven't been working at the Roadhouse….have you?” Beni asked, swallowing down the large lump in her throat. The words she had said to Deanna about Preya and Rowan slapped her in the face but it was a little different, wasn't it? They were fictional, Deanna and Beni weren't and Deanna just admitted lying to her, for  _ weeks. _

Beni didn't exactly hear what Deanna said next, she was trying too hard to sort out her own bullshit and see the bigger picture. Deanna had said it was a surprise but couldn't she at least had told her that in the beginning? Beni laughed at herself. No, Beni would have begged and prodded until Deanna caved. 

She held up a hand to stop the hum that was Deanna's voice and opened her eyes to take in her girlfriend.

“Swear to me that it is actually a surprise and that you're not….” Beni swallowed hard again and tried to stop the tremor in her arm, “Seeing someone else because I'm, you know, like this,” she said gesturing to her still-healing body.

Deanna lost what little chill she had and the tears flowed heavily down her cheeks. “No, God no, Beni...you’re it for me...you’re  _ it _ , do you get that?” Deanna asked, almost violently. “I have  _ never _ wanted someone the way I want you,  _ never _ cared about someone the way I care about you..dammit Beni, I love you. I’m  _ in _ fucking love with you and there’s not a single damn person on the planet that could change that.”

She reached out for Beni, her hand shaking the closer she got. It felt like time slowed to an almost standstill. Just a moment passed but she had plenty of time to run countless rejection scenarios through her mind before she made contact with Beni’s cheek and chin. She swallowed hard and looked into those big blue eyes. “I would still love you, still want to be with you, if you never wanted sex again. It wasn’t your body, however gorgeous, that I fell in love with. Your strength, spirit, passion, your creativity, you..I’m lucky you even bothered to look my way.” 

Beni reached out for Deanna as well, cupping the side of her face as her other hand yanked at Deanna’s clothes. The laptop went sideways but neither of them cared as Beni pulled Deanna into her lap. She didn’t care about the sharp pain, she’d deal with it later. For now she needed her girlfriend in her fucking arms. They wrapped around each other tightly, Beni’s face hiding in Deanna’s neck as she pulled lungfuls of her scent into her nose.

“I love you too baby, so much,” she whispered, pulling back just enough to gaze up into watery green eyes. Beni felt herself smile as she cupped Deanna’s face again, “I think I fell in love with you the moment you stepped into my shop,” she said, placing her palm down right against where the tattoo sat.

“I just couldn’t lie to you anymore, Ben...I didn’t want to but I kept telling myself, she’ll understand, it’s a good thing, it’s a surprise not a secret, but the whole time I’ve felt like shit,” Deanna confessed,” the tears slowing a bit at Beni’s closeness. The fact that she held her, held her so tightly, gave Deanna a small amount of hope that maybe they’d be able to get through this. 

Beni gently wiped at Deanna’s tears, leaning in to kiss at her warm cheeks, “Next time just tell me you’re working on a suprise or somethin. I mean, yeah I’ll probably be an ass about it and bug ya until you tell me but I don’t want you hurting yourself over something like that okay?” she said, gently pulling Deanna in until she could kiss her forehead, the tip of her nose and then lastly her lips.

_ “Me hurting,” _ Deanna said, staring back at her ridiculous girlfriend. After everything, she’d put Beni through the girl was still worried about her on fool ass. Deanna found herself chuckling despite the tears and she pressed a hard kiss to Beni’s mouth. “You’re ridiculous, I mean I love you but you’re ridiculous.” 

Beni chuckled, “Meh. Just remember, you chose this,” she grinned, playing with the ends of Deanna’s hair. She glanced over at the laptop and bit her lip, “You know...there’s somethin I kinda kept from you too. I meant to show you that night before...all this and kinda forgot about it until Amara mentioned getting my stuff from the apartment.”

“Oh?” Deanna asked, her attention caught immediately. “And it is…” 

“I don’t want you to move…” Beni pouted and then sighed, “It’s in my bag...the thumbdrive,” she said.

Deanna gently moved off Beni, only to cuddle back up next to her as close as she could get without adding to the pain her girlfriend already felt. She stuck the usb stick into her laptop and turned to Beni with a raised brow, “You haven’t been like, taking pictures of me in my sleep like a creeper have you? I mean, I’m not saying it’s a deal breaker but we might have to have a discussion on boundaries,” she teased.

Beni laughed, “Nah, though that does sound tempting,” she grinned, leaning in to steal a kiss before opening up the folder simply labeled  _ Dee _ .

“I really hope you like it,” she said and double clicked on the image of her painting.

  
  


A sharp gasp rang in her ears as her pulse spiked at the image of her two main characters portrayed beautifully in a rainbow waterfall of color. It was the most stunning thing she’d ever seen and she had to blink back the tears when what was happening finally caught up with her.

“Thats...they’re...that’s  _ my _ characters…How…” Deanna stumbled, nearly speechless except for the trail of broken sounds and half formed nonsense falling from her lips. 

“I read what you gave me. We never got around to talk about it but this is based off how you described them in your book Deanna. This is how I saw them through your words. Your writing is stunning, just like these colors. Without them, these two wouldn’t exist and neither would this painting,” she said rubbing at Deanna’s back. 

“No, no no, you are not giving me all the credit for this. You...you can see inside me, you see  _ everything _ and you pour it back out onto the canvas and it’s stunning. I-You’re something special, something so unique that I could search the world a hundred times over and never find another something like you, Beni.” 

“Thank you,” she added softly, pulling her girlfriend into her space until she felt the wince Beni made.

“Okay this isn’t working for either of us, let’s go to bed, love...then I can give you an appropriate thank you for your gift.” 

“Only if I get to do the same for you, oh and before you even start this isn’t a you got me this I’ll get you next. I’ve been literally  _ dying _ to get my head between those damn thighs of yours,” Beni said with an exasperated sigh. It was bad enough her girlfriend was in some skimpy form of pajama shorts that she was now wanting to yank off with her teeth.

“Okay, fine fine...but I’m gonna do all the work so you okay with laying back and letting me ride your face gorgeous?” Deanna laughed, the funny thing was she knew it was the truth. Beni loved tasting her what little they’d been able to experiment with but Deanna was always too afraid that Beni would hurt herself and not say anything. Both Pam and Amara had warned her about the girls penchant to hold her pain inside and not let anyone in. 

“If it gets me what I want then yes, I can deal with that,” Beni grinned, taking Deanna’s hand and letting her girlfriend help her off the couch.

* * *

  
  


Beni walked around her shop, cane clutched tightly in her hand as she checked in with her new artists that she had hired. Besides herself, Dory and now sometimes Pam, there were three others now. For whatever reason, after the accident they got an influx of clients that no matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t keep up. Then as if by magic, Garth, Samandriel, and Meg all applied within the same week. Meg she had wanted immediately, already knowing her work off of facebook. Why the girl moved from California to their podunk town was beyond her but she wasn’t complaining at the moment. Garth and Samandriel were ones she had to think about. Garth was squirrelly, didn’t know when to shut up but was incredibly sweet. Beni had been blown away by his work book though and so had Pamela which was all she needed to hire the guy.

Samandriel, or Drea as she liked to be called was a shy, young thing that Beni knew right away she was going to have to be careful. She was a beginner but her work was incredible, Beni just hoped that this little girl crush that Drea had on her wouldn’t interfere or get out of hand. Beni hadn’t even known about it until Pam started up with her teasing. Now Beni couldn't  _ not _ see it. 

“Alright, I’m going back to the office,” Beni called out to her new desk girl, Ruby. She got a nod for a response and Beni made her way back to the room. 

She was walking on her own now, had been for the past two weeks but it still made her tired and her hip would cramp up after a while. It was annoying and frustrating, Beni had to remember that she could have very easily lost the ability to do so. Closing her eyes with a wince she sunk down in her chair and instantly pulled her phone out.

_ You comin for lunch baby? >> Beni _

_ Actually, I’m going to Bobby’s. You wanna come with me? I can pick you up on the way. >>Deanna _

She hoped that Beni said yes but either way her girlfriend was going to Bobby’s in the next few hours or she was going to explode. Vic had come through on driving up to Cincy to get the gas tank and thanks to Sam’s friend Eileen, Deanna had the right type of headlight she’d been looking for too. It was all done, cobbled together with quite a few new parts but some of the frame, some of the pieces were still very much  _ Beni’s bike _ . 

The night before she’d washed it up real good and put a coat of wax on the chrome to make it shine a little brighter and now all that was left was the unveiling. 

Beni started to type that she had to stay in the shop but thought better of it. She had a  _ staff _ now and Pamela was here. Something shifted and there was suddenly a weight lifted off her chest. Smiling wide she quickly responded.

_ Yes, come pick me up whenever you want >> Beni _

_ Be there in a few. >>Deanna _

She grabbed her wallet and stuff, gave herself a once over in the mirror, and then quickly realized she had no idea where the keychain for Beni’s bike was. If anyone knew, it would be Amara she guessed. Deanna was sure she hadn’t done anything crazy like toss it but she took the ring for the shop off of it. Deanna then realized it was probably difficult for her to see it every day. It had been a gift from her grandfather along with the bike, it was just a leather strap and it was well worn from time but she understood just how important it was.

_ Today’s the day, any idea where the keychain is? >>Deanna  _

_ Check the wood box she keeps on the dresser. That’s usually where she keeps things from her grandparents. >> Amara _

_ Will do, thanks! >>Deanna _

_ I’ll try to make Bobby take pictures for you, he likes to grumble about it but he’s a decent photographer.>>Deanna _

She slipped her phone into her pocket and rushed out of the apartment. If she was going to have to stop at Beni’s place she needed to move a bit quicker. It was a quick in and out when she got there, the leather strap exactly where Amara said it would be. 

She gently touched at the soft strap and quickly clipped it onto the ring she’d bought herself. It wasn’t anything special, just a nickel ring with a small bike on it and a tag that said,  _ Ride safe, I need you with me _ , but it had felt right and Deanna hadn’t regretted getting it for even a second since. 

She pulled into the parking lot of the shop, nervous energy making her stomach flutter. She jumped out and headed inside only to be greeted at the door by her lover. 

“Eager to get out of here?” she teased, kissing softly at Beni’s lips. 

“Mmhmm, it’s great to finally have a staff where I can leave the shop,” Beni laughed, pulling Deanna in closer, “I’m starving though so let’s get out of here,” she said pulling on her leather jacket. The others yelled their goodbye as Beni took up Deanna’s hand.

The nervous flutters didn’t stop but Deanna pushed them down and tried to ignore how excited and terrified she felt in that moment. She was pretty sure Beni wouldn’t complain exactly but what if there wasn’t enough left of it to be  _ her _ bike. Hell, what if she didn’t even recognize it. What if it didn’t feel the same, maybe she would have rather put it back together herself…

A million doubts flooded Deanna’s mind until she felt the comforting, warm squeeze of Beni’s hand in hers. “It’s nothing, promise. Bobby’s making barbeque and a bunch of sides I think, we should be in for some damn good food.”

“Awesome, I can’t wait,” Beni said stepping outside. She was confused for a minute when she didn’t see Baby but everything inside her froze when she saw the bike. It wasn’t hers but something about this screamed at her that it was. She stepped up to it slowly and felt her eyes grow impossibly tight. The leather on the handlebars were from her original bike, the ones she had painstakingly cleaned to make them like new.

“Oh…” Beni gasped, her hands shaking as she touched at the chrome, the metal warm from the sun. She continued to inspect it slowly, her fingers brushing over inch of it. Somehow, her fucking amazing, precious girlfriend had rebuilt her bike. It wasn’t the exact same but there were pieces that she recognized instantly. 

When she finally got to the seat she let out a sob. It was the original and she knew that her grandpop’s initials were stitched on the leather. Sure enough, when she ran her fingers on the underside of it, she could feel it.

“How?” She asked with a shuddering breath. Her heart was pounding in her ears. The moment Amara had told her about how trashed her bike was, she’d been slowly accepting that she’d never see it again, “Fuck cher,” she said standing back up slowly to turn and stare at her girlfriend in wonder.

“This is...this is what I’ve been working on, I wasn’t sure how long it would take or if I’d be able to find all the pieces so I didn’t want to get your hopes up but, I did...the last couple things came in early this week and I finished it last night…” Deanna said, chewing at her lip. “I knew if it was my baby I’d want someone to do everything they could to get her put back together and I wanted to do the same for you.” 

She smiled when Beni did and Deanna held up the key. “Lookin’ for somethin?” she asked, before tossing it over where her girlfriend’s fingers reached out to snag it.

Beni hugged the keys to her chest for a moment, the feeling of something new pressing into her palm. She pulled it back and laughed a little at the charm, “Baby, you are fucking amazing. You...you have no idea what this means to me. To have this...small piece of my granddad back…” Beni shook her head as a few tears fell, “Thank you. Fucking thank you so much,” she said and tugged her girlfriend into her arms to kiss her hard. 

When Deanna pulled away she was breathless and panting but her grin had never been wider. “Care to give me a ride?” 

“Fuck yes,” Beni grinned, eagerly moving back over to the bike. She had to pet it again just to be sure this was all real and not in her head before sinking down on the seat. The familiarity of it sang down into her bones and she bit her lip when Deanna wrapped her arms around her.

“We’re going the long way,” she said with a laugh. She turned the key and nearly screamed with delight when it roared to life, the purr of the engine music to her ears. She revved it a few times for good measure and steered it onto the road. The freedom of riding down the back roads of their town felt amazing and she didn’t ever want to stop. 

* * *

“Yeah Eve, I know, I’ll get back to you by the end of the wee-yeah, okay tomorrow,” Deanna said, a pang of nostalgia swam over her as she wished wistfully that she’d been able to keep her flip phone so she could have slammed it shut. Well, and those things were damn near indestructible. 

“Problems in paradise?” Charlie asked, not having heard the conversation only the sour look on Deanna’s face. 

‘Nah,  _ Evil _ lyn.” 

“Ahh the ol editor,” Charlie said, pushing a cup of coffee toward her friend as a modern-day white flag. 

“She’s been on me about the cover art but I don’t want any of their stuff and I- I uh, Beni offered, but I don't know, I feel like it’s just asking too much…” 

“Oh please, Dee. That girl is head over heels for you. You could tell her your right hand didn’t fit right and she’d probably offer up her own,” Charlie answered with an eyeroll. “Is that why you’re here? Dodging her?”

“Nah, Ruby overbooked the shop today and it was a mess. I couldn’t focus and they actually needed the couch. “I think Beni is thinking of expanding, and she totally should but that’s going to keep her busy, you know...I don’t know, maybe it’s just not the right time…” 

“So you’re dodging her, yeah?”

Deanna grumbled, “Maybe a little...but it really was too crowded to foc-” Deanna stopped, every nerve ending on edge as a rush of something icy cold ran through her. She whipped her head around but she didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. 

“Dee? You okay there?” 

“I-I thought- yeah, yeah I’m fine.” 

The little bell dinged above her head as she pushed open the door. Everything still looked and smelled the same since she’d last been here. Being here brought back so many memories, most of them painful but they were still there like ghosts playing in front of her eyes. 

Charlie stood behind the counter like always, her voice low as she talked to the blonde at the counter. When the redhead looked up her entire body stiffened, eyes growing wide.

“What...what the  _ hell _ are you doing here?” Charlie practically hissed.

“Hello Charlie,” Cassidy said, tilting her head a little when the blonde flinched hard. The other girl slowly turned and Cassidy felt the wind get knocked out of her, “Deanna…” she said softly.

“Well looks like that’s my cue,” Deanna said, gathering her things quickly and putting her laptop into her messenger bag. “I’ll see you at dinner tonight, Charls.” 

Cassidy was such in shock that it wasn’t until Deanna was nearly running out of the coffee shop that she snapped out of it. She hurried after, ignoring the way Charlie shouted at her. She never did like the red head much anyway.

“Deanna wait! Please!” she called out. Careful not to fall on her face she rushed over to where the Impala sat and got to Deanna before she could get in, “Can..can we talk?” she asked trying to catch her breath.

“I think you said everything that needed said, Cas… we’re good.” Deanna said, reaching for the door handle to her baby...just a little more and she’d be inside. She said a silent prayer and pulled at the chrome lever, sighing in relief when she was able to pull it open, knocking Cas back a little as she did so. 

Cassidy hung her head low and sighed heavily, “I know and...I regret everything I said to you Deanna,” she said, grabbing at the door so Deanna couldn’t close it in her face. She so badly wanted to see those green eyes looking back at her but Deanna refused to face her.

“I just want to talk, please?” 

“Yeah, well I wanted a lot of things, Cas...where were you when  _ I  _ fucking wanted? Huh?” Deanna said, eyes flicking up at her while the fire in her stomach burned hotter. “I bent myself over backwards to please you and you still fucking left-No, no you know what, I’m not doing this. Let go of the damn door Cas, we’re over and I don’t owe you a damn thing.” 

“Deanna!” Cassidy shouted as the door was yanked out of her grip. She took a few steps back to get out of the way as the Impala screeched out of the parking lot. Cassidy stood there for a few minutes before mentally shaking herself. She’d get Deanna back, they just needed time and a chance to actually talk. She took out her phone and pulled open facebook, frowning at the new images of her ex girlfriend with this... _ Beni _ . Thanks to her cousin Bart, she finally had access to Deanna’s account seeing as how she’d been blocked from the day they broke up.

Cassidy pushed the call button for her cousin and held the phone up to her ear.

“Yes Cassidy, what is it now?” Bart asked.

“I need you to find out who this...Beni Lafitte is. Shouldn’t be too hard in this shitty ass town,” she spat out.

“Oh God, you’re there now aren’t you? Why Cas? What is so damn special about that girl?” Bart asked with a huff. She could hear him clicking away at his computer and that brought a very small smile to her face.

“I’m sentimental and besides, Deanna Winchester is mine. I made a mistake letting her go. Did you find Beni yet?” she asked, her patience waning.

“Yeah. Some...tattoo artist. Like you said, shouldn't be too hard to find seeing as how she’s the only one in that hell hole.”

Cassidy made a face. She’d seen that parlor on her way to the coffee shop. How someone like Deanna could swoop so low as in dating someone like  _ that _ was beyond her.

“Thanks cuz,” she said and hung up. 

Time to do some damage control.

* * *

  
  


Beni frowned at her phone. She didn’t understand Charlie’s message with all the typos and such. It had something to do with Deanna who was trying very hard to avoid her. Beni knew what she was doing and was trying not to push her girlfriend but dammit she missed her. 

“Fuck it,” she grumbled and hit the green button for Deanna.

_ Hi this is Dea- _

Beni cursed again and hit the red button. 

_ Babe, will you please come back to the shop? I’m sorry we’re busy but I just want to see your face. You don’t have to talk about your book or that your publisher keeps calling you about something...just need to see my beautiful girlfriend. >>Beni _

_ Please??? >> Beni _

Deanna read the texts as the weird bubbling emotions smoldered under her skin. She wanted so badly not to feel anything, to be so completely and totally over Cassidy that she couldn’t break through but the overwhelming amount of rage inside her was terrifying, even to her. She wanted nothing more than to hurt the girl the same way she’d been hurt. 

She  _ wouldn’t _ obviously, Deanna was pretty sure the girl didn’t have a soul so she probably wasn’t able to anyway. 

A few deep breaths later, Deanna tapped the screen a few times and waited for the familiar calm of her girlfriend’s voice to reassure her. 

“Hey, there’s my girl,” Beni said softly. Someone called out her name but Beni waved them off as she hurried into the office to close the door, “I’m so sorry, I don’t know why we’re so freaking busy lately,” Beni sighed.

“I’m headed your way...not to write, just to talk,” Deanna said, the weight between them heavy in her stomach but she wasn’t going to keep anything else from Beni, especially not now with Cas back in town. “I was at the cafe today, talking to Charlie and Cas showed up. I just, I- need to see you…” 

Beni froze, “Wait...Cas...as in  _ that _ Cas?” she asked. When there was only a small noise from Deanna, Beni rubbed a hand down her face, “Okay. Baby, just get here carefully okay? Then we’ll hide away in my office or we’ll go somewhere. Whatever you wanna do okay?” she said.

“Okay, okay...yeah, I- just give me a few minutes and I’ll be there,” Deanna said, feeling at least a  _ little _ more sure that everything was going to be okay. She would stop somewhere for something sweet for Beni, just as an apology for spending so much time avoiding her. The last thing Deanna wanted now, was to be away from her. She felt like she couldn’t deal with all this Cas shit on her own, Beni made her stronger and she needed that.

“Okay baby, hey, I love you,” Beni said.

“I love you too Ben.”

Deanna waited for the call to end before she pulled out of the parking lot for an old gas station where she’d stopped to breathe and read her messages. She knew her girlfriend well enough to know just how much forgiveness chocolate would buy her and Deanna felt like she needed all the help she could get. 

Beni took in a deep breath to let it out slowly. Cas was in town. The infamous ex girlfriend that had broken Deanna’s spirit. Just the idea that Cassidy was here made Beni’s blood boil. Why? Was she back to just come home or was there something else? Beni rubbed at her temples, nearly jumping out of her skin when someone knocked on the door.

“Yo Beni, someone’s out here looking for you,” Garth called out. Beni frowned. She didn’t have anything scheduled, so probably a walk in. Steeling herself and putting her phone in her back pocket she left the office. Standing near the front was a young woman, dark hair with intense blue eyes. Beni nearly introduced herself but stopped short.

_ Oh fuck. _

“Can I help you?” Beni asked, crossing her arms.

“Well that’s not a very  _ friendly _ way to treat your customers,” Cassidy huffed, “You must be Betty…” 

“It’s  _ Beni _ . And you’re not a customer,” Beni said, quirking up a brow. The usual hum of chatter behind her quieted and Beni fought to control her composure. This woman may not be a customer but she had other clients in the building.

Cassidy snorted, “I  _ could _ be,” she said, looking over the place. There was some sort of  _ style _ to the artwork but it wasn’t anything she would have put on her body permanently. No, tattoos weren’t for her, but it did give her a devious idea.

“I was thinking I’d get something right here,” she said, pointing near the middle of her left breast right around where Deanna had engraved her name. It was one of the many things she missed about her girl. “It’s just three letters but they’re  _ very _ important. How much would that cost?”

Beni narrowed her eyes at Cassidy. She wasn’t an idiot. Though the knowledge that she had about Deanna made her smirk, “For that it would be about eighty. Depending on the script and shading that you’d want. And, if you don’t like it in the end, I can cover it up. I’m an expert at getting rid of things that aren’t wanted anymore. No matter if it’s just three letters or you know... _ seven _ ,” she said with a knowing smirk.

“She wouldn’t,” Cassidy said aloud, before she could catch herself. Deanna wasn’t the type to get tattoos at all, the only reason she’d branded herself for Cas was because she wanted to make a last-ditch effort to save their relationship. It  _ almost _ worked, Cassidy now regrets not seeing that for what it was. She’d officially been broken in but when all the fight was out of her, it became a little pathetic. 

“Oh, she would. She  _ did.  _ Did the work myself. Turned that ugly ass script into something beautiful. In fact, that’s actually how we met, so...thanks,” Beni snickered. There was some laughter from behind her that only made her grin wider. 

She was boiling under the surface but Cassidy kept her calm, “Well...I look forward to seeing what you’ve done with it,” she said, a small grin tugging at the corner of her lips before she turned and walked out. If she knew Deanna, and she did, it wouldn’t be long now before she showed up and Cassidy still wanted her under the illusion that she just wanted to talk. 

Beni fought the urge to go after her and finally give her the ass kicking she so desperately deserved. Instead, she snatched up her phone and smashed her finger against Deanna’s name.

“C’mon baby answer your phone,” she said, starting to pace.

Deanna felt her phone vibrating but she was only a couple minutes from the shop and she had one hand on the cake in the seat beside her to keep it from sliding around too much, so it would have to wait.

She pulled into the parking lot and took a deep breath before quickly gathering the cake into her hands and locking baby’s doors before she headed inside. Deanna had some groveling to do and she hoped the Black Forest cake was enough to do some of the work for her. 

Beni looked up when she heard Baby’s roar and quickly shoved her phone back into her pocket to rush outside. Thankfully Cassidy wasn’t in sight and she held the door open for Deanna, “Hey sweetheart,” she said, leaning in for a kiss, “Is that...do I smell chocolate?” Beni grinned, her nerves slowly dimming.

“Chocolate  _ and _ cherries…” Deanna said with a bashful grin. “I wanted to apologize...for being weird lately.” 

Beni shook her head, quickly ushering Deanna into her office. If that bitch was still lurking around she didn't want Deanna anywhere near her.

“Baby, I know it has to do with your book so its okay but I will graciously take the cake,” Beni grinned. She put the bag on her desk and then pulled her girlfriend in for a deep kiss. She knew deep down she had nothing to prove but in the back of her mind she needed to remind Deanna just how much better she was at taking care of her than Cassidy ever did.

“It’s Evilyn, she’s been hounding me about the series cover for part one but I-I didn’t want to ask.. I know you said you’d do it and honestly, you’ve done enoug-” 

Beni cupped Deanna's face and kissed her again, “Are you kidding me? I would be honored to do the cover of your book! God you're so ridiculously adorable,” Beni laughed, pecking her lips and then all over her girlfriend's face.

“I just, I felt like maybe it was asking too much. I know you’re busier now with the shop and everything, I don’t want you to have to- to sacrifice anything or put yourself out at all just for a book cover. They’ll be other covers...well hopefully at least,” Deanna confessed, though she did feel like a weight lifted from her shoulders the moment Beni said she would do the cover. Honestly she’d tried to pick something that Eve sent her but nothing was right and she knew that Beni could do it perfectly. 

“Hey, it wouldn’t be a sacrifice at all sweetheart. Getting to work with you is going to be awesome,” she said with a huge smile, “Come here,” she brought Deanna in again and just held her this time. 

A thought came to her and she laughed a little, “We could even do a book signing here too. Bring some new artists in, promote that everyone gets a free tattoo with each book purchase,” she snorted.

Deanna gasped, gaping at her ridiculous girlfriend. “That’s crazy, I don’t make enough money on books to reimburse you, you giant dork!”

“I’m down for the book signing though, and  _ maybe _ a tattoo discount but I’m not letting you lose money just to sell more of my books,” she promised, still content knowing just how enthusiastic Beni was to be part of her project and part of her life. It filled that empty ache that came with seeing Cas, even before the breakup.

Beni shrugged, “It would be more for getting the new artists names out there but we can discuss details later,” she grinned. She gave Deanna one more kiss and then went for the cake. Instead of being the grown adult that she was and cutting it, instead she started to eat it straight out of the carton. The look Deanna gave her was worth it and she snorted.

“Don’t judge me. You know what a chocolate addict I am. It’s your fault for enabling me,” she teased, scooping some onto the fork to feed Deanna. Some cherry sauce dripped onto Deanna’s lips that Beni eagerly licked up, “Mmm, so good.”

Deanna laughed, “You know, I don’t think we’ve ever done anything back here, when you’re fully healed I think I want you to bend me over your desk.”

Beni’s mouth dropped open and groaned, “I’m feeling right as rain today sweetheart,” she said with a smirk. She dropped the fork back into the box and damn near threw her girlfriend up onto her desk, “See?” Even though she was all ready to get up all in Deanna’s personal space something nagged at her, making her stop with a sigh.

“Dee...I don’t want you hearin this from someone else and then thinkin I purposely didn’t tell you so I could have sex with you in my office,” she said, her heart plummeting at the realization that this was going to be a total boner killer.

“Cassidy showed up here.”

Instantly something  _ wrong  _ curled in her stomach and she swallowed hard. “H-how, how did she find you?”

Beni shrugged, “I have no idea. She was creepy as all fuck though,” Beni smirked wide, “Didn’t seem too pleased that you covered up her name though. Had a little fun throwing that in her face a bit,” she said.

Deanna frowned, “I don’t like this. It feels weird. Honestly, I don’t even know why she’s here. She hated this place and now all the sudden she wants to ‘talk’. She doesn’t even  _ like me,  _ she said as much when she dumped me and took off _. _

Beni frowned as she gently brushed some hair off Deanna’s face, tucking it behind her ear, “You don’t gotta do anythin you don’t want. No matter what though, I’m not goin anywhere,” she said.

“I don’t want anything to do with her,” Deanna said, an eerie coldness filling up her chest. She just wanted Beni and the warmth she found there, the  _ home _ they made together, intentional or not. 

“Just you and me, that’s all I need.” 

“Good,” Beni said, trailing her fingers up and down Deanna’s arms, “You want me to take your mind off all this?” she asked softly. They’d been in the mood a few moments ago and hell, Beni still was but if Deanna wasn’t she’d find a different way to keep Cassidy off her mind.

“Yeah, but I don’t know if it’s possible...maybe when we get home,” Deanna said, squeezing at Beni’s hands. She forced a small smile that became real when she looked at the gorgeous woman in front of her and she chuckled, “Now take another bite of that cake before you go back out there and leave me in here alone with it.” 

“Mmm, sounds good baby,” Beni did as she was told and took another huge bite of her cake. She kissed Deanna for a few minutes too and then she was ready to get back to work. 

“Don't forget to call your editor and let her know your decision about the artist you just hired,” Beni said with a wink.

“I will do just that,...right after I put down this cake,” Deanna teased, taking another bite. 

* * *

Deanna woke up to the sound of Beni’s bike heading out, she checked the clock and frowned. Normally her girlfriend woke her up before leaving but they did have a pretty late night so Beni was undoubtedly being sweet by letting her sleep in. That thought alone encouraged the already soft smile into a full grown grin. 

_ You could have woken me. >>Deanna _

_ I miss you already. >>Deanna _

_ Be safe, and come home for lunch if you can. I’ll make your favorite. >>Deanna _

She knew it would be a bit before Beni could reply but that the answer would be the same. ‘You needed the sleep, miss you too, can’t wait, love you.’ So many mornings spent just like that and not once was it dull or boring. Deanna realized in that moment she’d be quite happy if every day started just like that one. 

The kitchen still smelled of coffee and she smiled against the warm metal of her mug as she took a sip. Beni had made extra and poured it into a thermos to keep it hot for her. Just small, everyday things that reminded her just how special she was to Beni, just how much Beni thought of her before anything else. It was everything and more that she’d  _ never _ gotten back from Cas. 

She’d just pulled out her laptop to start writing when there was a knock at the door. She frowned to herself, Beni and Charlie both had a key and not many of the family just came around to hang out unannounced. Still, she answered it thinking it could be a package or anything. 

Of course the moment the door swung wider, she regretted it. 

“Hello Deanna,” Cassidy said with a soft smile, “I’m only here to talk,” she quickly added. Thankfully Deanna seemed too stunned to slam the door in her face right away, “May I come in, please?”

“No,” she answered, regaining her balance, “You can say whatever the hell you want to, to the other side of my door.”

Deanna nearly managed to close it but Cassidy’s shoe moved too quickly to work as a doorstop. 

“I don’t get it, Cas… I don’t. You don’t want me, you know you don’t, I know you don’t, so why the hell are you even here?”

“Because I made a mistake. A horrible one. I’m so sorry it took me so long to realize it and took everything for granted. I should have never said those horrible things to you,” Cassidy said, gently pushed the door open wider and stepping into the apartment, “I  _ did  _ want you...and still do.”

“No, you don’t. You pushed me and pushed me to bend and break myself to be with you and in the end, even  _ that _ wasn’t enough. You weren’t happy unless I was breaking off pieces of myself and handing them to you. That’s not...that’s not a relationship Cas, that’s some sort of twisted, dysfunctional mess,” Deanna said, overwhelmed with how true the words were sounding to her. 

For a long time after Cas left, she wondered what it would be like to speak her mind, the night in question she’d just stayed quiet and let Cas have all the words. So many fantasies played out in her head of just how it would go but when she spoke, in her mind, it never felt  _ right _ never felt  _ true _ . Not until she found Beni, not until she realized what a real relationship was and how far theirs had been from that. 

“I only ever wanted what was best for you Deanna, to  _ be _ your best. That’s what you want for someone you love. I’m sorry that’s how everyone around you turned it into,” Cassidy sighed heavily, tears beginning to form in her eyes, “Please, what can I do to make this right?”

“You can leave,  _ now _ … that’s how you make this right. You can walk out that fucking door and stay gone,” Deanna answered, shaking her head. 

She looked straight into those deep blue eyes that used to send a chill down her spine and saw emptiness,  _ nothing _ . It was all an act and she knew it. 

Deanna stared for a moment before she said plainly and without hesitation, “I don’t need you anymore, and I don’t want you anymore. We’re done, the sooner you move on from that the better.”

Cassidy bristled a bit but quickly recovered, “To see you stoop so low Deanna. It’s pathetic. You’ll regret this one day,” she said and turned on her heel to storm out of the apartment only to freeze after yanking the door open.

Beni glared down at Cassidy, “Oh sweetheart you  _ really _ should not be here,” she said taking a step closer until Cassidy was backed up against a wall. Beni wanted nothing more then to pummel this girl. She’d heard the last bit through the door. The insult about herself she could care less for but calling Deanna pathetic? Not okay.

“Ben, she’s not worth it,” Deanna said, quickly tugging on her girlfriend’s wrist. “She’s  _ nothing _ to me anymore, a faded scar in my past but you’re my future. You and me, right? That’s all we need.” 

Beni clenched her fists and tried to calm down but seeing Cassidy in her home trying to break Deanna apart again was too much, “Get the fuck out of here, if I ever see you around my home or my girl again I’ll throttle your ass,” she said and took a giant step back. Cassidy scrambled out of the door and Beni slammed it shut.

“Fuck...I-I’m sorry,” she said turning to face Deanna.

Deanna chewed at her lip for a moment, trying to calm her rabbiting heart. 

She swallowed hard…”So how awkward would it be if I said that was probably the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my life?” 

Beni laughed softly, “Not at all, I’m just glad it was a turn on rather than it scaring you,” she said and pulled Deanna in, “I’m not the jealous type but her being anywhere near you….” Beni blew out a hard breath before nudging their foreheads together.

“I might be okay with a  _ little _ jealousy but either way, I’m not scared, not angry, you are perfect and sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve you,” Deanna whispered softly, pressing her lips to Beni’s for a quick kiss and to keep her beautiful girlfriend from saying anything further on the matter. 

When she pulled away, she laughed. “There’s chili on the stove, should still be warm and I’m going with you when you leave, if that’s okay. I wanna hang out at the shop for a bit.” 

“I am perfectly fine with that,” Beni said and kissed her again, “Baby...there’s...I know it’s kind a moot point right now but I want us to live together. Officially,” she said softly.

“Okay,” she answered easily, “I’m a hundred percent okay with anything that gets me  _ more _ of you.” 

Beni chuckled, “I’m never at my apartment anyway. This place has been home to me for a while now,” she said leading the way into the kitchen, “Mmm, this smells amazing.”

“Makes sense, mi casa’ su casa’ and all that,” Deanna said, grabbing two bowls from the cabinet along with the peanut butter and bread to make a sandwich. Beni loved to eat those with her chili. 

They chatted while they ate, Beni taking a little longer for a lunch break than usual but Deanna soaked up the attention until it was time for them to leave. It was getting cooler, though not completely frigid just yet, but still, “You want to take my baby?” 

“Yeah, might be a good idea. Legs been cramping a bit today anyway,” she said rinsing out their bowls in the sink. She pecked at Deanna’s cheek and headed into the bedroom... _ their _ bedroom and couldn’t help grinning so wide her cheeks hurt. She’d been wanting to ask the moving in question for weeks now and kinda hated that Cassidy was the one who brought it out of her. Didn’t matter though, she got the answer she was hoping for and everything was right as rain. 

She grabbed up her warmer jacket and hurried back out to where Deanna was waiting. As they got out to the car Beni took Deanna’s laptop back and sunk down into the passenger side. The ride back to the shop was uneventful, just them singing to the radio like they usually did when they took Baby. 

“Things are a bit slower today but I moved your couch into my office, replaced it with a newer one,” Beni laughed a little. The older one that was now fondly called Dee’s writing couch was frumpy and had seen better days but Deanna loved it and Beni didn’t have the heart to throw it out. Putting it in her office under the window was the most logical thing to do.

“Thanks, you go do your thing I’m gonna go say hi to Pam,” Deanna answered, greedily taking one more kiss before releasing Beni to do her job. 

She made her way over to Pam’s station and smiled at the friendly brunette. “You busy?”

“It look like I’m busy?” she laughed, pointing to the empty chair. 

“When’s your next appointment?” Deanna asked softly, not wanting any of the others to hear. 

Pam looked at her book and shrugged, “I got some time, whaddya need?”

Deanna grinned, “Let’s go talk in the office I have an idea I’d like to run by you.”

Pamela’s eyebrows raised a bit but she followed her in there which was all Deanna needed. She was pretty sure when she explained what it was she wanted, Pam would be happy to help. 

* * *

  
  


Something was going on.

Beni watched Pamela and Deanna closely knew they were up to something. The last few days they’d been hanging around each other a lot. Not that Beni minded or cared but she just knew something was up.

Shaking her head she returned to the scene she was filling in on her client’s calf. The whole thing wrapped around his leg in bright colors resembling Día de Muertos. Each skeleton was a member of the guy’s family. Today Beni was filling in the grandfather skeleton, the smirk on his face taking a lot of effort and patience but somehow she managed to get the skull to match the picture the guy had out for her.

“God damn Beni, this is turning out way better than I could have ever hoped for,” Cesar said once she was done with the shading. Beni beamed up at him and nodded.

“Thank you, I’m just thrilled you like it,” she said putting her gun down to do a final wipe down of Cesar’s leg. She got him wrapped back up and stretched out her arms as he headed for the door.

“Hey Ruby, put in an order for everyone at that new Pizza and Pasta place. I’m feelin generous today,” Beni grinned as her staff cheered. She walked over to Pam and Deanna with a crooked eyebrow, “You done conspiring so I can have my girlfriend?”

“Who _ us _ ? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Deanna answered with a faux innocence in her voice, a warm grin on her lips, and a thrill under her skin. She and Pam had thought of a dozen different ways to do what she had planned but Deanna was sure they’d finally figured out the perfect one. 

Beni had been out for part of the beginning of her usual shift, running errands for the shop since everyone else was conveniently booked up. So Deanna changed into some basketball shorts and let Pam get to work. She was the henna tattoo expert in the shop and Deanna only wanted  _ part _ of the tattoo to be permanent.

It was the perfect plan.

Beni huffed as she snatched up Deanna’s hand, yanking her up so she could wrap her arms around her girlfriend’s waist, “Such a little fibber,” she grinned, “Now if you’ll excuse us,” she said and tossed Deanna over her shoulder to carry her into the office as everyone laughed around them.

“You’re ridiculous,” Deanna laughed, kissing softly at Beni’s hands once she was dropped onto the well worn loveseat. 

“You love it. So, what have you and Pam been plotting?” She asked sitting down on the couch next to Deanna.

“Honestly? I was getting her advice on a new tattoo…” Deanna said, hesitantly, the nerves very real with what she was about to do. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust her feelings, she did; maybe even a little too much. But it was fast, it was  _ really _ fast. They hadn’t even been together a full year yet but she knew in her heart that she would quickly regret it if she didn’t at least try. 

Beni blinked, a little hurt that Deanna hadn’t asked her for the advice but shrugged it off quickly, “Oh...can you tell me about it yet?” she asked biting on her bottom lip.

“Oh we haven’t really decided...I have a few different options drawn up but I did them, so they’re not very good,” Deanna answered pulling the paper from her pocket

Beni stared at the paper and then at Deanna. She didn’t understand the meaning behind the symbols but if it meant something to Deanna, that was all that mattered. Biting her lip she ran a finger over the checkmark and smiled, “That one,” she said handing the paperback.

“Good, good…” Deanna answered, her nerves ratcheting a bit higher with every step they drew closer to the pending question. She tried to let a little tease into her voice but she was pretty sure the nerves hid it. “You got any time available today or do I need to make an appointment?” 

“I got some time, especially if I’m the one puttin this on you,” Beni grinned, “When you wanna do it?”

“Whenever your free, no rush…” She said, not hesitant but she also didn’t want to rush it. Okay, maybe a little nervous but it still felt  _ right _ in her gut and that wasn’t going to change. Beni was  _ everything _ to her and she would walk through hellfire before she let anything take her away. 

“C’mon, let’s do it now before I get a walk in cause you know that’s how it’s gonna happen,” she laughed pulling Deanna up off the couch with her, “Where am I puttin this anyway?”

“Right here,” Deanna answered, rubbing a hand over her thigh. 

“I’ll meet you at your station, let me go see if anyone has some shorts I can borrow,” she lied, stepping out into the lobby. 

Beni nodded and went over to her table. She sat down on her stool and started to load the gun. At first she chose the red but thought better of it and chose several colors, wanting to do the check mark in black but have it surrounded by water color to give it a little life. 

Deanna slipped into the small bathroom and put on her shorts, checking and rechecking that their length did in fact cover the whole thing. She took a couple deep breaths and looked at herself in the mirror. The nerves, the worry, all of that clearly etched on her face but so was excitement and happiness and just  _ everything _ good that she felt when she was with Beni. 

She smiled, small, uncomplicated smile, and then made her way to Beni’s chair. 

Beni smiled up at her girlfriend and squeezed at her calf once she was settled, “So, I was thinking that around the check mark I would do some like...clouds of water color. You know give it a little color,” she rambled, moving to lift up the bottom of the shorts. Deanna didn’t answer her and everything seemed to go to a stand still when Beni saw what was already there on her girlfriend’s leg.

_ Will You Marry Me?  _

_ Yes _

_ No _

Beni’s breath hitched in her chest and she quickly looked up at Deanna, the checkmark making so much more sense now. The tears were instant and she started to tremble with the weight of her tattoo gun, “A-Are you serious?” she gasped.

Deanna nodded eagerly, “I am...I want you in my life Beni, not for now, not for a while,  _ forever _ .” 

She wiped at her girlfriend’s eyes a little and smiled, “Like ink...permanent.” 

Beni let out a sob and nodded, “Yes baby, yes I’ll marry you,” she said, laughing a little as her hand shook to draw a checkmark in the yes box. It was so unbelievably cheesy and perfect all at the same time. She put the gun down and drew Deanna into her arms as the entire room seemed to explode into an uproar of applause and cheers.

“I love you,” Deanna said, though her mouth was a bit muffled by Beni’s lips pressing against it fervently. “I love you so much,” she added, once they broke away for air. 

Deanna leaped into the air and wrapped her arms around Beni’s broad shoulders and squeezed as her girlfriend held her for just a moment. She wouldn’t stay that way long because she didn’t want the added pressure on Beni’s leg but it felt like safety and home in Beni’s arms and though she now knew that she wouldn’t ever have to give that feeling up, she still savored it in that moment. 

“I love you so much baby,” Beni said kissing all over Deanna’s face, hugging her girlfriend so tight she was sure she was actually cutting off her air supply, “Alright ya’ll I’m going home,” Beni laughed, needing to take her girl home and celebrate properly.

“But you promised pizza,” Deanna teased, making Beni hesitate, and raise an eyebrow at her. 

Instead of answering, she took off toward the front door and turned to smile at Beni, “Well… what are you waiting for,  _ fiance? _ ” 

Beni growled low in her throat and quickly followed, “At this rate we might not make it back home,” Beni whispered in Deanna’s ear before slapping her ass. 

* * *

_ Epilogue _

Beni steered the bike into the driveway of their home and rubbed at her eyes tiredly as she waited for the door to slowly open. The newest location of her shop was finally underway and she’d given herself the next two days off while the contractors did whatever it was they needed to do. Deanna was finally home from her recent book tour that had somehow turned into a meeting with some film producer. Beni was ecstatic for her wife but she missed her like crazy. She walked the pike into the garage and slapped at the button before entering the house. 

“Hey girl,” Beni said bending down to pet their two year old pitbull Addy. She was a short squatty thing that had so much energy Beni was glad for the huge backyard they now had. 

“Babe?” Beni called out, patting the dog a few more times before going on a search for Deanna.

“In here,” Deanna said, frowning at her computer. It was flattering that some rockstar producer in New York wanted to turn her book series into a bunch of movies but she now understood the pain and suffering involved in figuring out which parts to cut, where the focus should be, and how to maintain the overall feel of the piece. She never wanted to disappoint the few fans that she’d somehow managed to keep. 

“What do you think of the riding scene? Is it  _ really _ that important?” she asked, though she knew it was. It was one of the most pivotal plot points in the whole first book but she couldn’t think of anything she wanted to sacrifice, that was the problem.

“Yes, it is. Not to be bias or anything, that’s my favorite part of the book,” Beni said moving to sit behind Deanna on the couch, her fingers instantly massaging into her wife’s lower back, “What you should cut out is all that neurotic mess Rowan puts herself through,” Beni teased, leaning in to kiss at her shoulder.

Deanna grumbled, “But  _ that’s _ what builds her character!” 

She knew Beni was right, really… there wasn’t a way to portray most of what Rowan felt on screen anyway, not the way she did in the book at least. There was a lot of internal struggle and her thoughts being written for the world to see but in the movies, that would all need to be internal and she would just have to trust the actress to get it right. “So help me God if they hire some skinny bland white bitch to play Rowan I’m taking it back.” 

Beni snorted, “Here’s hoping they don’t. The guy producing it though seems pretty cool from what you told me. Maybe the guy will actually listen and will value your input,” she said resting her chin on Deanna’s shoulder.

“Yeah, he’s okay I guess.” Deanna said, “I just, I don’t know how to chop this up into tiny pieces and have it still make sense…”

“Sorry, sorry...how was work today?” She asked, closing the lid to her laptop and turning to give Benny a soft, albeit awkwardly placed, kiss.

“It was alright. They are starting up the new location today so I decided to start my weekend early,” she said with a bright smile, “How’s my favorite girl doin hm? Other than all this,” she said eyeing the laptop for a second.

“I’m good, better now that you’re home though,” she answered. Beni had been spending quite a bit of her time away from the house and it didn’t matter that she knew just how important it was, Deanna still missed her. 

“Mmhmm, I don’t plan on goin anywhere for the next few days. Think you can tear yourself away from this for that long?” Beni asked, giving her a playful pout.

“For you? Anything,” Deanna answered, moving the laptop to sit it down on the coffee table. She still felt very much in love with her beautiful wife and she wanted to show her as much. Deanna twisted until she was sitting sideways on Beni’s lap, arms looped around her neck. “You know, you can always say something if I start putting work ahead of you, I don’t ever want to do that Beni.” 

“And you haven’t baby,” Beni said leaning in for a soft kiss, brushing their noses together as she pulled back a little, “I know we’re both workin a lot lately and I do miss you,” she said.

“You have the whole weekend, yeah?” she said, smiling at her beautiful wife. “Why don’t we take a drive, maybe to the beach or  _ anywhere _ really....we could get out and just enjoy being with one another. No laptop, no phones, just you and me, what do you say?” 

“That sounds fucking fantastic sweetheart. You wanna take Baby or the bike?” she asked playing with the ends of Deanna’s hair. There was a short brief moment when her adorable wife wanted to chop it off and thankfully, Beni had been able to talk her out of it. She did get a good chunk of it trimmed off but Beni loved her long hair, just as much as Deanna loved Beni’s being short. 

Before Deanna could answer Beni couldn’t help leaning in to start kissing at her neck, savoring the warmth and sweet scent that always lingered there.

“Mmm,” she hummed in contentment, Beni always enjoyed teasing her neck and throat and Deanna loved every second of it. “It’s warm enough to take the bike, if you want...I’m not picky either way. I just want to spend time with my gorgeous wife.” 

“Same baby girl,” Beni hummed, “I’ll call Mari and see if we can borrow her beach house or somethin. I mean we can rent somethin but I don’t know if it’s too late notice,” she said with a shrug, a slow smirk tugging at her lips, “You gonna wear that impossibly short skirt?” 

“Anything you want,” Deanna teased, a huskiness to her voice as Beni’s mouth dipped lower to the curve of her shoulder. “Though if we take the bike, we’ll both need to pack light, might not be able to take many clothes at all.” 

“Oh I don’t plan on you wearing clothes that often this weekend,” Beni said with a chuckle, “Will need to bring something to tie you up to the bed though,” she said, loving the way her wife shivered in her arms, “I’ll take that as you like the idea.”

“You know me, I’m willing to try anything once, maybe even twice just to make sure I don’t like it,” she teased, though it was true enough. They’d experimented a little with Beni’s dominant streak, and Deanna had even tried her own hand at it. Beni loved to be taken care of that way but it was a rare treat that she asked for it. 

“Come on, let’s pack some of our things and we can head out first thing in the morning.” 

Beni gave her a kiss before letting her up from her lap. They got upstairs to their bedroom, the shared duffel bag finding its way to the middle of the bed. Deanna packed their stuff while Beni got on the phone with Amara. Thankfully it didn’t take much to talk her into letting them borrow her beach house for the weekend.

She threw her phone on the dresser and helped finish up the packing, throwing a few of Deanna’s scarves in with a smirk, “What? Would you rather I get some leather cuffs?” she asked.

“Take both if you want, I won’t mind…” Deanna replied, teasing her wife by pointedly adding a pair of flip flops to her small bag. “I just wanna make sure everything we actually  _ need _ is packed.” 

Beni snorted and zipped up the bag to throw near the door. She pulled Deanna into her arms and slowly swayed them to a song only playing in her head. Deanna rolled her eyes at her but she wrapped her arms around Beni’s neck regardless, “Can you believe we’ve been married for over a year now?” she asked.

“Honestly, I can’t even believe you’re here with me at all, but I’m not going to poke at it,” Deanna said. She can still remember vividly what it felt like to be so alone and so  _ wrecked _ after what Cassidy put her through but Beni made all of that fade away into nothingness with just one smile. 

“You know, I could very easily say the same thing sweetheart. I was so against relationships when I first met you. Just content with random casual sex and whatever,” Beni said, reaching up to brush a lock of hair behind Deanna’s ear, “Then this drop dead gorgeous fox walked into my shop needing a tattoo,” she grinned, gently pulling at Deanna’s shirt that covered the bright watercolor on her chest. Leaning down she pressed her lips against the ink.

“You changed my life that night, Beni...gave me more than I thought I deserved and you haven’t stopped since,” Deanna said, looking into those bright blue eyes. “I love you.” 

“I love you too, so much sweetheart,” Beni said and tilted up Deanna’s face for a soft kiss. It stayed chaste as they continued to sway to the silent song playing in Beni’s head. Even with their lips slowly moving along the other Beni began to hum their song, the very one they had danced to at their wedding. She felt Deanna smile and she hummed Unchained Melody a little louder as she held Deanna even closer.

Deanna just melted into Beni, allowing the subtle melody of their song to ease her restless mind. In those strong arms she didn’t have to worry about her book, the movies, the shop, the bills, or any of the other stressors in their life. She could just  _ be _ and that was enough. 

They swayed like that for quite a long time, just enjoying what it felt like to hold one another. When Deanna finally forced herself to pull away, she did so with a smile. “We should get some rest, I wanna leave pretty early so we can stop and see some stuff on the way and still make it there before it gets to late.” 

“Sounds good. I need to take a shower,” she said and pecked at Deanna’s cheek. From the dresser she grabbed up some flannel bottoms and her sleep shirt that was still draped over the footstool thing at the end of their bed. Deanna had wanted the thing and Beni had merely shrugged. Whatever her wife wanted Beni had no problems with it. 

She washed up quickly, wanting to get under the covers with her wife as soon as possible. After drying her hair enough so that it wasn’t dripping she was moving back into the bedroom where Deanna was sprawled out on their bed. Beni took a moment to take in her gorgeous wife and bit her bottom lip. How she had managed to rope that girl and get to keep her was beyond any of her wildest dreams. 

Laughing softly to herself she crossed the room to get under the blankets and waited for Deanna to put her book down so she could cuddle up with her, “Mmm, so much better,” Beni mumbled, pressing her face into the back of Deanna’s shoulder and neck.

“You’re ridiculous. Half the time I feel like I’m cuddling with a giant teddy bear, only it’s holding me…” Deanna teased, a hand snapping down to keep Beni’s arms in place just in case she had any thoughts of moving them. 

“Well, I guess that’s an upgrade to octopus,” Beni snorted, playfully wrapping a leg around Deanna’s hip as well so she truly was completely hugging around her, “Just call me Yogi,” Beni laughed.

Deanna busted out a loud laugh along with her and shook her head. “I am  _ not _ calling you Yogi, and I swear to god if you make even one single attempt to call me BooBoo I’ll ask for a divorce.” 

The bed shook with their joined laughter and Beni had to wipe her eyes while dodging several of Deanna’s attempts to slap at her when she actually did try to call her  _ BooBoo _ .

“I’m just playin baby!” Beni snickered, wrapping tightly around Deanna so she couldn’t escape, “Oh man that was hilarious,” she said, her giggles growing softer, “I’m just grateful you’ve allowed me to call you the array of pet names I have for you this long,” she said.

“I don’t mind, whatever it takes to make you happy works for me.” 

Deanna squeezed gently at Beni’s arms around her and snuggled back into her tight grip. She laid there for a while, almost so long that she figured Beni could be asleep, but the question on her tongue wouldn’t die. 

“Are you still awake?” 

“Mmm, barely. What’s up cher?” Beni asked, her eyes staying closed but she snuggled closer.

“How would you...how do you feel about kids?” she asked, the words whispered like a deep, dark confession. Deanna had seen Beni interact with kids before, her wife was fucking amazing, but they hadn’t actually discussed having their own in a tangible way. More of a yeah, maybe, one day, hypothetical, kind of thing. 

Beni’s eyes snapped open. She was definitely awake now. They’d been tiptoeing around the kids subject for a while now and Beni knew that Deanna craved to have a baby. She could see it in her face anytime someone was pregnant or merely talked about their kids. Beni bit her lip and let out a slow breath.

“I like ‘em. Wouldn’t mind havin a couple or even a few runnin around,” she said softly against Deanna’s ear.

“Me too,” Deanna answered, swallowing down some of the nerves she felt. “Uh..when do you um think would be a good time for that? I mean I know you’re still trying to get the new shop up and running and I have all these NYC trips but...is soon okay?” 

Beni adjusted them a bit so she could peer down into Deanna’s face, “Whenever you’re ready baby, I am too,” she said and stole a soft kiss, “Did you wanna adopt or sign up for a surrogate? I’m sure Cain wouldn’t mind donating,” Beni grinned.

“Honestly?” Deanna asked quietly, “I don’t care I just-I want a family, I want to give you a family too...I know it’s probably asking for a lot, too much even maybe, but I don’t think anything would make me happier than that.”

Beni rolled her eyes fondly, “You  _ never _ ask for too much sweetheart,” she said tracing the sides of Deanna’s face with her fingertips, “Whatever it is you wanna do I’m down for it. I think it would be cute to see a little mini you runnin around causin me all kinds of trouble,” Beni snorted.

“You’re not tired of the full grown version yet?” Deanna asked softly, smiling as she knew the answer even if it did blow her mind every time Beni confirmed that she was still in love with her. 

“Nope, not yet. Doubt it’ll happen in this lifetime either,” Beni said, leaning in for a kiss. It deepened for a few minutes, both of them moaning softly as Beni pulled back, “You happy baby?” she asked.

“Never happier,” Deanna promised, rolling onto her side to get closer to Beni. She laid her head on Beni’s chest and smiled. “But I think that everyday and every day I wake up next to you and I’m happier than the day before. So what do I know?” 

Beni grinned, “That’s good, really good. I love you so much baby,” she said with a deep sigh, the exhaustion from the day settling in her bones.

“Love you too Ben, goodnight.” 

Beni nodded, pulling the blanket up around their shoulders as her wife snuggled against her chest. Beni hugged her close, face buried against the top of her head. If someone would have told her she’d be married, talking about kids over a year ago she would have laughed at them. 

Now though, she was beyond grateful to have such a beautiful girl, inside and out in her arms willing to be with her for the rest of their lives. It settled the last bit of restlessness in Beni’s soul as Deanna’s breathing slowed and her body grew lax. It never mattered how tired Beni was, she could never truly fall asleep until Deanna did and Beni always, always followed after with a small smile on her face.


End file.
